


Replay

by andiheardthemplaying, Wickedhorserider2012



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, K-pop, SHINee, Super Junior
Genre: Post-lawsuit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-03-14 00:31:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 54,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3401870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andiheardthemplaying/pseuds/andiheardthemplaying, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wickedhorserider2012/pseuds/Wickedhorserider2012
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Co-written with a friend of mine. She wrote this first chapter.</p>
<p>Title is a SHINee song.</p></blockquote>





	1. Breaking News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-written with a friend of mine. She wrote this first chapter.
> 
> Title is a SHINee song.

_Jonghyun walked hesitantly down the misty evening street. He sighed as he made his way up the slippery steps to TVXQs dorm building. Slowly lifting his hand to the door he pushed the entrance aside and found his way quickly to the elevator, ducking his head to warm his face in his bright red scarf. The elevator ride was far too short, not giving him any chance to figure out what he was going to say, even though he had spent hours running through all the possible sentences he could form. He had never put these feelings into words before. He had only ever felt them growing and changing in his own mind as he watched his best friend’s face in wonder and began to notice all the little habits he had. Jonghyun had been drawn to Key since the moment he saw him but he had no idea how that connection would grow to become something so much more. The elevator door dinged open and Jonghyun moved quickly, finding his way down the hallway and placing three sharp knocks on the door before he had the chance to change his mind._

_The familiar handsome face of Yunho opened the door mere seconds after Jonghyun had removed his fist from the wood. “Hey” he said with a smile, warmth and conflict battling behind his dark eyes. Jonghyun stepped over the threshold, doubt beginning to cross his mind again. What if this wasn’t the right thing to do? Don’t be stupid, he told himself. If he was going to talk to anyone about the confusing puddle his brain had become it had to be Yunho. A comforting hand touched his shoulder as the door clicked shut behind them and Yunho guided him to sit on the couch in the dorm’s common space._

_“Where is everyone?” Jonghyun asked, taking a nervous look around the room. “Don’t worry” Yunho smiled. "They are all out celebrating, we had a great show tonight." It was pretty late, Jonghyun thought, he suddenly felt bad again for taking up time Yunho could have spent celebrating or sleeping. Noticing the unsure look on Jonghyun’s face Yunho scooted closer to him on the couch, “So” he said, “what is it you needed to talk to me about so urgently at 2 in the morning?” Yunho chuckled. Jonghyun took a deep breath and looked over the collar of his jacket, which he had still not taken off, even though he was pretty sure he was visibly sweating at this point. “Well…” Jonghyun choked on his own breath._

_“Just spit it out” Yunho leaned back against the sofa. “When…” Jong hesitated again, then decided it needed to just be said. “When did you know that you felt something other than just friendship towards Jaejoong?” Jonghyun shifted against the sticky leather beneath him. A look of curiosity passed over Yunho’s face as he turned to look Jonghyun directly in the eye. “Is there something you need to tell me?” He raised an eyebrow. “Just answer the question.” Jonghyun whispered._

_“Well,” Yunho began, “the moment I first saw him I thought he was beautiful. Probably the most beautiful human being I had ever seen. But at that moment I didn’t know exactly what that meant. As the years progressed and we got to know each other better I began to realize that the happiness I felt from being around him was more than just enjoyment of being around a friend. When he was happy, I was happy, when he was sad, I was sad and all I wanted was to be by his side. So I suppose I realized I loved him right before he realized he loved me. That was three years ago.” Yunho was staring off into space now, in his own world, smiling to himself, having forgotten the matter at hand, but he was brought back to the impending situation when Jonghyun sighed and slumped back. His breathing had become heavier now and Yunho felt concerned although he was pretty sure he already knew what was going on._

_“Does this by any chance, have anything to do with Key?” Yunho paused after saying Key’s name and Jonghyun’s breathing audibly stopped for a second. Yunho turned his smiling eyes back to Jonghyun._

_“You know, it really is okay. Love is love Jong.” Those words burned in Jonghyun’s ears as he felt tears build up behind his tired eyes. “Don’t worry,” Yunho continued and placed a hand on Jonghyun’s shoulder again. “I never thought I would fall in love with my best friend, let alone a man, but I’ve never been happier in my entire life. Jaejoong is my everything. He’s my best friend, my lover, my world. Is that how you feel about Key?” Jonghyun met Yunho’s gaze with quivering eyes. He nodded, inhaled deeply, and spoke for the third time since they had sat down on the sofa._

_“I love him, Yunho. I love him more than I ever thought was possible. But I don’t know what to do. What if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if something goes terribly wrong?” Yunho laughed quietly and stood up from the sofa. Holding his hand out to Jonghyun he helped the younger boy up and grabbed his shoulders with both his hands. “It won’t.” Yunho said sternly, “If it’s meant to be, then it will be.” Yunho pulled Jonghyun in for a hug and held him there for a moment. Jonghyun relaxed slightly into the contact. “Thanks” Jonghyun replied. “Anytime” Yunho pushed Jonghyun away from him and looked him in the eye one more time before coaxing him out the door. “I think you have someone else to talk to and hug.” With a wink Yunho closed the door putting a barrier up between the two boys. Jonghyun took a deep breath and made his way back towards the elevator._

_Key had been pacing back and forth all night. The other boys were already asleep and Jonghyun had been gone for hours. Sweat began to form on Key’s temple as he anticipated the return of his best friend, unsure of what he was going to say. His conversation with Jaejoong a couple days ago had given him the courage to tell himself he needed to do something about the butterflies that were frequently migrating from his chest to his stomach whenever he saw Jonghyun. But the doubt and worry still remained, no matter how supportive Jaejoong had been there was only one thing that could get rid of the knot building in Key’s gut. The door opened quietly and then clicked shut. Key heard Jonghyun slip off his shoes and then shuffled footsteps. Jonghyun rounded the corner to the common space Key had probably paced ruts into by now and a muted look of surprise crossed his face as he saw the other boy waiting for him._

_“Hi” he said with a shaky voice. “Hey” Key responded. They both stood there, meters of space separating them, the air suddenly very thick. Jonghyun slid his coat off his shoulders and took a step towards Key. The younger boy also took a small step forward. Their eyes met and both could tell the other had something to say. Jonghyun bit his bottom lip and then absentmindedly ran his tongue over the indents. Key’s heart beat quickened. He had spent so long watching Jonghyun do little things like this and he couldn’t take it anymore. Jonghyun noticed the younger boy staring at his lips and took another small step forward. Key breathed heavily. He really couldn’t take it anymore. Ever since he first saw Jonghyun he knew something about him was different and not long after that he knew that he loved the older boy more than anything else in the entire universe. Jonghyun took in a sharp breath and that pushed Key over the edge. He quickly closed the gap between the two boys and threw his arms around Jonghyun’s neck and pulled his face down to meet his. When their lips collided every muscle in Jonghyun’s body tensed while simultaneously every muscle in Key’s body turned to jello. Key sighed into Jonghyun’s mouth and began to move slowly, ghosting his tongue over the older boy’s bottom lip. It didn’t take Jonghyun’s muscles long to join Key’s in a state of melted bliss as he returned the heated kiss. Both boys moaned quietly into each other and lost track of how long they had been kissing until Key smiled against Jonghyun’s lips and pulled away slowly. Jonghyun stood in silence, Key glanced up to meet his eyes and let out a small chuckle. Jonghyun felt a smile play at the corners of his lips._

_“I was waiting for you to do that” Jonghyun’s voice was breathy. “Me too” Key responded. Hand in hand the two boys gave each other one last peck and made their way towards sleep._

________ 

The door creaked open with a small squeak but Jonghyun was too exhausted to respond to the sound. He laid on his stomach in bed, his bare back exposed to the air, still in the hazy state of sleep. Foot steps crossed the room and Jonghyun felt the bed dip beside him as someone sat down on the bed. The smell of strawberry shampoo and vanilla body wash filled the room and Jonghyun sighed. He knew exactly who was sitting next to him and his breath caught as warm fingers began tracing down his exposed spine. Suddenly Key leaned over placing wet kisses on each of Jonghyun’s vertebrae, his newly washed hair leaving streaks of cool water behind his hot lips. Jonghyun’s breath caught in his throat and as soon as Key heard the response he knew Jonghyun was awake and he rolled over Jonghyun’s back to nuzzle his way under his left arm. 

“Jjong,” Key whispered, and placed a soft kiss on his lover’s nose. “Jjong, wake up!” This time the kiss to his nose was accompanied with playful teeth. Key spoke against Jonghyun’s face, “We have a photo shoot in an hour!” Jonghyun groaned, pulled the younger boy closer to him and crushed him in his arms. Key laughed, “Come on baby.” Before Key could process what was happening Jonghyun had flipped him onto his back and was pressing his groggy body against Key’s warm chest. Key yelped as Jonghyun’s arms snaked around his neck and his fingers laced into his hair. “I don’t want to go.” Key gasped as Jonghyun’s lips found his neck and sucked lightly on his pale skin. “I want to stay here all day, in this bed, with you underneath me.” Jonghyun’s breath tickled Key’s neck intensifying his arousal. Key responded with a groan of his own and reached his hands around to find their way into his lover’s dusty blonde hair. Jonghyun smiled against his neck and then traced his tongue down to his collar bone, and then back up to his ear lobe where he hesitated a moment before gently taking it between his teeth.

“I love you” Jonghyun whispered. Key’s hands began to dig into Jonghyun’s back with anticipation and he twisted his neck so his eager lips could meet the other boy’s. Intertwining their legs together and settling deeper into each other’s bodies they both began to forget that they had somewhere to be in less than an hour. Nothing could have broken them apart from one another had there not been a harsh knock on the door and the muddled voices of three other boys sarcastically yelling through the door frame, “Come on love birds.” Onew’s amused voice came through the cracks in the walls. Taemin’s quiet giggles joined their leader’s sarcasm. “Make yourselves presentable! I’m coming in!” Before Jonghyun and Key could move an inch Minho had busted through the door and proceeded to throw all the pillows that had once resided on the living room couch at the two boys in bed. “Hey!” Jonghyun yelled quickly pulling himself away from Key and jumping out of bed.”Aish!!” Minho covered his eyes and began waving his free hand around in the air in front of him in an attempt to ward of Jonghyun. “If you didn’t want to see anything you shouldn’t have come busting in!” Jonghyun yelled and smacked Minho across the head with a throw pillow. At this point Key was overcome with laughter and was rolling around hysterically in bed. He only managed to get up and pull himself together for their impending photo shoot once Jonghyun had chased the other boys out of the room with his nakedness allowing them to make themselves presentable as Minho had requested. 

Photo shoot days were always long and strenuous. Hours upon hours of bright lights assaulting their retinas and constant wardrobe and makeup changes. Today Jonghyun was in a good mood despite all of this because it was just his luck that the stylist for this shoot had put Key in the tightest pastel pink pants he had ever seen. Besides, getting the chance to hang out behind the cameras with all his friends from various other SM groups was really upping his mood. He had been so busy with his solo debut and promotions that he hadn’t gotten much chance to connect with his friends from other groups. Donghae and Eunhyuk were doing a ridiculous looking dance in the corner and Heechul was watching them with amusement.

Jonghyun walked towards the snack table and reached to pick up a bottle of water only to find another hand reaching for the same one. “Whoops!” Yunho laughed as he realized what was happening. “You take it.” He smiled. “Thanks” Jonghyun responded. A couple minutes later they were sitting next to each other at the table snacking on crackers and fruit with Changmin leaning lazily over the back of Yunho’s chair, all three of them enjoying the chance to catch up. Key meandered over after he was done with his round of pictures and shamelessly plopped himself down on Jonghyun’s lap. Changmin snickered at the sight of the two boys. “You guys look like you’re doing well,” Changmin said. “Mmm,” Key responded, placing a quick kiss on Jonghyun’s cheek and weaving their fingers together in his lap. Jonghyun smiled at his boyfriend. “You look beautiful today, love” he whispered to Key. “I especially like those pants.” Jonghyun bit his lip and watched as Key squirmed slightly and felt his hand squeeze his own gently. “You two better be careful” Changmin chuckled, “there’s not much time left before we have to be back on set for the group shots.” Jonghyun slipped Key off his lap and stood up next to him, wrapped his arm around his waist and gave the younger’s hip a small squeeze. Glancing over at Changmin Jonghyun appreciated his radiant smile and constant support but noticed that Yunho did not look quite as content. A weak smile played at the corners of his mouth but he was leaning over, his elbows resting on his knees, and his hands clasped tightly together in front of him. He was silent. Before Jonghyun could inquire what was on the older man’s brain Key whisked him away to prepare for the next set of photos. 

 ________

_It was raining the day Jonghyun heard. It wasn’t a storm by any means, just a gentle trickle that left the boy feeling drained. It had only been a few months since Jonghyun and Key had started dating but Jonghyun already knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with the other boy. He was constantly amazing Jonghyun with his impeccable insight into his inner thoughts and feelings. Yet, he still respected him when he needed space and came running when he needed their bodies to be as close to each others as possible. They had gone on countless dates at this point and the overwhelming sugar high they both felt from all the sweets they had consumed together was making it hard for them to keep their hands off each other during their schedules. The other members of SHINee were endlessly supportive. Onew and Minho had suspected all along and were only waiting for one of them to make the first move. Taemin was completely clueless but accepted their relationship with a smile and lots of violent hugs when they had first told him. Jonghyun puckered his lips and bit at his cuticles. He was staring aimlessly out the window of their van as they made their way back to their dorm. Their concert that night had been a huge hit. However, the energy Jonghyun received from his fans was quickly waring off the closer he could feel himself getting to his bed. Key’s hand gently moved along the top of Jonghyun’s thigh and his dark hair tickled the side of Jonghyun’s neck as he rested against his shoulder. Jonghyun planted a gentle kiss on the top of Key’s head. The younger boy shifted and breathed heavily half way between sleep and wakefulness. The radio was on quietly in the background but nothing interesting seemed to be happening until Jonghyun caught a brief mention of Jaejoong’s name and beckoned for their driver to turn up the volume._

_All the blood rushed from Jonghyun’s face. He felt sick to his stomach as a shot of adrenaline pulsed through his veins. Key sat up and rubbed the back of his hand over his sleep encrusted eyes. “What’s wrong Jjong? Your entire body just tensed up.” Key yawned. Jonghyun grabbed the other’s hand and squeezed it for dear life. “Listen.” He said. Through the car stereo it could be clearly heard that news had just broke that three members of SM’s powerhouse TVXQ had just filed a lawsuit against their entertainment company, specifically the members involved included Junsu, Yoochun, and Jaejoong. Jaejoong’s name rang through Jonghyun’s ears. Although he was concerned and cared about all of the members as family, when Jaejoong’s name was mentioned and not Yunho’s a sharp prick caught his chest and he scrambled for his phone. “Take a deep breath” Key grabbed Jonghyun’s face between his palms and pulled him around to face him. “I’m sure everything is going to be okay.” Jonghyun loved Key more than anything else in the entire world and had never doubted anything he had ever said, until that moment. With a shallow nod he took Key’s hand in one of his and quietly sent a text message with his other. That message read, “Are you okay?”_

_“I have to go” the moment SHINee arrived back at their dorm Jonghyun had turned to the rest of his members. “He hasn’t responded. I have to make sure he is okay.” Onew, Minho, and Taemin nodded, concern flickering behind their exhausted eyes. Except not Key, Key’s eyes burned with something Jonghyun didn’t completely recognize but he knew that it meant he could go and that Key would be there for him the moment he returned. Jonghyun gave Key a quick kiss and took off running still sticky with sweat from their concert._

_Even after ten frantic knocks on the door no one had come to answer. Panic was beginning to settle in Jonghyun’s stomach when Changmin finally opened the door slowly, peeking around the frame to see who was there. Jonghyun pushed quickly against the wood causing Changmin to stumble backwards. “Sorry!” He breathed as he rushed to slip out of his shoes and made his way to the bedroom. Yunho sat at the foot of the bed in an old t-shirt and sweatpants._

_Jonghyun walked slowly over to sit next to him. Yunho didn’t respond but Jonghyun could hear his breaths were coming out raspy and uncontrolled. “You never answered me” Jonghyun said quietly. Yunho still didn’t speak. Instead his head fell to the side and came into contact with Jonghyun’s chest. “Im sorry” he said. Jonghyun placed his hand on Yunho’s shoulder, “I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to say it.” “How to say what?” Jonghyun answered. Yunho inhaled a shaky breath and backed away from Jonghyun and gave the younger boy a chance to get a good look at him. His face was swollen and stained with tears. He looked like he had been crying for hours. Jonghyun swallowed._

_Yunho stood up and scratched his head. He walked over to lean against the wall opposite the bed and slowly slid his back down until he was sitting on the floor. “To say…” Yunho paused, “I didn’t know how to tell you that I am not okay. That I don’t know if I will ever be okay ever again.” With that Yunho buried his face in his knees. Jonghyun gazed on the man he had always looked up to, the man he had always seen as one of the strongest people he had ever known, the man who had helped him so many times with everything from dancing to finding his true self, one of the men responsible for him having the love of his life in bed with him every night. Jonghyun suddenly felt guilt as the thought of Key laying next to him crossed his mind. How could he be thinking about how much he loved Key when Yunho had just lost the man he once told Jonghyun was his everything? Yunho shook with silent sobs. Jonghyun assumed he didn’t want to upset him by crying fully._

_Glancing to the side Jonghyun noticed that Changmin was leaning against the doorframe to the bedroom. He looked tired and distraught himself and slightly unsure of what to do next. He beckoned to Jonghyun and the younger boy walked over. “Do you think you guys will be okay for a while?” Changmin’s exhaustion was evident in his words, “Yunho needs some time to calm down and I think maybe you can help. Besides, I need to go out for a while, I know you guys are close.” Jonghyun leaned a little closer to Changmin and whispered, “Sure, thats fine. Just…what exactly happened?” Changmin sighed, “Besides the law suit?” Jonghyun noded. “They broke up.” With that he turned away from the door and left the dorm, Jonghyun and Yunho the only two left._

_Jonghyun finally took off his jacket and threw it on the bed. Kneeling down to sit next to Yunho he spoke as level as he could muster, “Tell me what happened.” Yunho sat back slowly and said very little to Jonghyun about the actual happenings but did relay to him that the two lovers had fought and that it had ended in a break up. “We had been together for three years.” Yunho’s said, “I love him more than I love myself. Especially right now…look at me! I’m pathetic.” “No you’re not.” Jonghyun was stern at this point “You are hurt. Not pathetic.” Yunho laughed harshly. “Thanks. That makes everything better.” Jonghyun crumpled his nose. “I’m not trying to make everything better. I just want you to be okay.” Yunho sighed and ran his fingers through his black hair. “I’m broken Jong and I don’t think there is any way to fix me.” With that Yunho cascaded into sobs and fell forward into his knees again._

_A couple hours later Yunho had dehydrated every pore in his body and finally gotten into his bed so Jonghyun left him to sleep knowing that Changmin would probably return soon and that Yunho would just call if he was needed. The walk home took Jonghyun half the time it took him to get there because he couldn’t wait to collapse into Key’s arms and tell him everything that had happened._

_After having relayed the nights events to his patient boyfriend Jonghyun laid back on their shared bed and closed his eyes. “Hey” Key said in a comforting tone. “He’s going to be okay. I know it’s hard right now. It sucks for all of us. But Yunho is strong, he’s smart, he’s going to be okay.” Jonghyun grunted and rolled over mashing his face into the pillows. Key snuggled up behind him, kissed the back of his neck and ran his long fingers through Jonghyun’s hair. “I love you” Key said. Jonghyun flipped around to look the younger in the eyes. Key’s eyes were so full of love that Jonghyun couldn’t help but smile. “I love you too” he responded. “More than anything.” Key pushed his hips into Jonghyun’s and waited patiently as Jonghyun ran his hand down Key’s hip, his thigh, and then grabbed his leg firmly, throwing it over his own hip, bringing their lower halves closer. “Nothing will ever change that. You know that right?” Key’s voice was shaky from Jonghyun’s careful touches. The love that Jonghyun felt at that moment was greater than any other moment he had ever experienced. Key really was his world. “I know” he responded as he pressed his body into Key’s eliciting a squeal and crashed their lips together._

 ________

The photo shoot was coming to an end and all of SHINee could feel exhaustion setting in. Donghae and Eunhyuk still somehow had the energy to continue dancing and at this point Heechul was just egging them on. Key walked up behind Jonghyun once they had walked off set and slid his hand into Jonghyun’s back pocket. “Hey handsome,” his sing song voice was music to Jonghyun’s tired ears. He threw his arm around Key’s shoulders in response and smiled. “You were fantastic today” Key continued. “Thanks babe” Jonghyun and Key then engaged in a kiss that was just slightly too long to count as a tasteful public display of affection. “Attention everyone!” The managers of the various idol groups had gathered everyone towards the back of the room and were about to make an announcement. Jonghyun and Key broke away from each other, but didn’t go far, always keeping some point of physical connection. Silence fell over the crowd as they prepared to hear what this important announcement was. “So,” one of the managers began, “we have just gotten word that all of you will be attending MBC Gayo Daejun as both performers and award recipients.” A cheer ran through the crowd and Jonghyun pulled Key a little closer, proud of how hard they had worked in the last year. “On that note you may all go home! Except for TVXQ, we need to talk with you in private.” It didn’t seem that strange to the crowd that TVXQ was being held behind as they were often involved in larger projects that were unknown to the rest of the idols. However, Jonghyun felt that something wasn’t quite right and so he abandoned his post at Key’s side for a moment to eavesdrop. 

“We have some important news.” TVXQ’s manager began. Changmin and Yunho waited patiently for their manager to speak again. “As you know, over the last year JYJ has been extraordinarily successful and has produced an album that has topped the charts consistently.” Yunho nodded and Changmin glanced sideways at Yunho. “Due to their incredible success they have been asked to perform at MBC Gayo Daejun as well and there is nothing we can do about it and as we would like you to perform we are going to have to come up with a plan.” Jonghyun gasped from behind his hiding spot down the hallway from where TVXQ and their manager were talking. He saw a spark of terror cross Yunho’s face and saw Changmin’s shoulders slouch. “Okay” Changmin finally answered. Yunho remained silent. The two men then bid their manager goodbye and began to make their way down the hall towards where Jonghyun was hiding. As they passed by Jonghyun grabbed hold of Yunho’s sleeve and yanked him to a stop. A look of surprise plastered Yunho’s face. Changmin just rolled his eyes and continued walking past them towards their dressing room. Jonghyun watched Yunho’s face for a moment and when he tried to pull away from the Younger boy’s grasp he only tightened his hold. “Are you okay?” he choked out.

 


	2. Something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-written with a friend of mine. I wrote this chapter.
> 
> Title is a TVXQ song.

The hall was dark except for light sticks, and the screams were deafening. TVXQ was on stage, performing _Something_ , and the tension of the evening was rising. The past year had seen huge turmoil in the world and politics of k-pop, from lawsuits to scandals. But perhaps the most shocking was the turn that the MBC Gayo Daejun had taken. Because of the massive success of their second Korean album, JYJ was being allowed to perform, and ever since the news broke, the anticipation for this event had been growing.

JYJ was set to perform right after TVXQ. It had been decided before any consultation with the artists or the two companies, and by the time they found out, it couldn’t be changed. The whole evening was carefully planned, but those twenty minutes had been planned down to the second. TVXQ would exit stage right, JYJ would be waiting stage left. They would only leave their dressing room once TVXQ was on stage, and the two groups would never meet. Everyone backstage had been told, and it should have gone perfectly. No one had considered the possibility that some of the part time stagehands hadn’t been told, and that one of them would be the one sent to escort JYJ to the wings. No one considered the possibility that JYJ would be waiting backstage right when TVXQ exited.

 

Junsu was nervous. He was waiting backstage, ready to perform live on an MBC music show for the first time in years. It was exciting. But at that moment, Junsu couldn’t care less. He was staring between the stage and Jaejoong, who had paled alarmingly when they had heard the opening notes of the song from the monitors in their dressing room. TVXQ was performing their most recent comeback songs, and they were right in front of them. Yoochun glanced at Junsu worriedly, both of them growing increasingly anxious about Jaejoong’s expression. He was standing stock still, staring out at the stage, his arms crossed defensively over his chest. He hadn’t spoken at all that evening, and hadn’t responded to anything for the past ten minutes.

“Jaejoong?” Yoochun asked quietly. He reached out and touched the older man’s shoulder. “Are you alright?” Jaejoong didn’t respond and Yoochun glanced over at Junsu again, worried. Junsu sidled over to him and leaned in.

“We just need to get through this performance, then we can get him home. The coordinators must have thought of this, they’ll make sure we don’t interact,” he whispered. Yoochun nodded slowly, his face sceptical. They both stepped closer to Jaejoong anyway, and watched as their old friends finished their performance.

           

“I want to wait and see them after the performance, just to check on them,” Jonghyun said as he and Minho made their way to the wings from their dressing rooms. Key, Taemin, and Onew followed.

“I’m sure they’re fine, Jong – and anyway, the stage crew have it planned out so that they don’t see each other,” Key said.

“I know, but that doesn’t mean this isn’t a difficult evening for them, Key. Come on.” Key shook his head and caught up with his boyfriend and their bandmate just as they got to the door to the backstage area. Minho pulled the door open and the five of them stepped through, going quiet so as not to disrupt anything.

Backstage was a rush of motion as the stage crew moved around making sure lights and sound were running on time, and the members of SHINee slid through to an empty space to wait. They turned to watch the monitors showing the live feed of the performance. Yunho and Changmin had just started _Spellbound_ when Key noticed the other island of stillness in the chaos. He squinted to see the three men in the dim light, wondering who they were. He caught sight of pink hair and gasped. Jonghyun looked up from his whispered conversation with Onew and Minho at the sound.

“Key?” he asked. Key looked at him and pointed to the three men standing ready to go onstage. Jonghyun followed Key’s finger. He squinted to see the men being pointed out to him, and when he saw Junsu’s distinctive pink hair he gasped as well. “Is that JYJ?” he asked. Onew, Minho and Taemin all looked over at the question, found the little cluster and gaped.

“Why are they _here_?” Onew hissed. “I thought this had been organized so that this kind of thing _wouldn’t_ happen.” Jonghyun nodded and reached out to catch a passing stagehand. The man turned to them irritably.

“Yes?” he barked quietly. Jonghyun gestured to the corner of the area where JYJ was standing.

“Why is JYJ here?” he asked. The stagehand rolled his eyes.

“They need to go on stage next. They’re waiting for their cue,” he said waspishly as he tried to pull away from the increasingly nervous idol in front of him. Jonghyun grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

“But TVXQ is exiting this side of the stage. I was told they would be entering from stage left,” Jonghyun hissed. The stagehand scoffed and pulled away.

“TVXQ is exiting stage left. JYJ is right where they are supposed to be, and you are keeping me from doing my job. Excuse me,” he said, before walking away. Jonghyun moved to get to another stagehand when the screams from the concert hall doubled in intensity as TVXQ ended their stage and bowed. They turned to walk off stage and Jonghyun panicked.

“Quick, we have to do something!” he exclaimed. “Yunho and Changmin are going right towards them – “ he stopped as he watched Yunho and Changmin walk off stage, and he saw the moment when they realized who was in front of them. They froze, and for a moment the five of them stared at each other.

 

“Hyung, why are they coming this way?” Junsu asked. “I thought they were supposed to exit on stage left.” Yoochun, who had been trying to get a reaction from Jaejoong, looked up with raised eyebrows.

“What, Junsu?” he asked. “What do you mean?” he turned and saw the two tall, remaining members of TVXQ walking towards them. He gasped and turned back to Junsu. “We’ve got to move,” he said. He grabbed Jaejoong’s arm and began to pull him away from the entrance to the wings, and out of the path of the two men none of them had spoken to in years. And then Changmin looked up, and he stopped walking. Yunho looked up as well when he felt the change, and then all five men were frozen, staring at each other, in the same space for the first time in five years, and in the moments before frantic stage hands ushered them away, TVXQ back to their dressing rooms and JYJ on stage, endless apologies falling from their mouths, they were assaulted by memories of the years they spent together, of the years apart, of the torturous limbo of five years ago when everything fell to pieces.

Jaejoong moved, finally, an aborted jerk of his body as he tried to both go forward and away at the same time, and Yunho’s eyes locked on him at that movement. Jaejoong gasped and stared at the tall man in front of him, and he felt tears well in his eyes at the shuttered look on Yunho’s face. A part of him had wanted to meet them at this show, and now he regretted ever thinking that. He couldn’t get memories of Yunho from years ago out of his head, and they were so different from the current image, it was giving him emotional whiplash.

Yunho, for his part, couldn’t believe his eyes. He had been told, when the news broke, that the stage crew would make sure they didn’t run into each other. He had been told not to worry, that they would be able to go through the evening never being near enough to need to pay attention to each other. And now Jaejoong was standing closer to him than he had in years, and he could see how thin he had gotten, and the bags under eyes that makeup could never entirely cover up. And the memories came up before he could force his thoughts away from them.

________

_Jaejoong was flushed and happy, his hair fluffy in the way that it gets when he has been on stage for three hours, running around and singing to a full stadium. His eyes were sparkling, and he couldn’t seem to sit still. They were in the middle of their T Tour, and had just finished their last concert in Nagoya. Jaejoong had been grinning since they got off stage, and was talking and laughing loudly with Yoochun, Junsu and Changmin. And Yunho couldn’t take his eyes off him. Jaejoong was always most beautiful at moments like this, when you could see on his face that he was living his dream, when his mask was gone and he let his smile and his laugh come out of hiding._

_At that moment, Jaejoong turned to him and reached for his hand, grinning and in love, and Yunho grinned back as he joined in the conversation – though really, it was more a concerted effort to make Junsu as flustered as possible._

_Later that night, when they finally reached their beds, Jaejoong would turn to Yunho and kiss him breathless and pull him close, and his eyes would be wide and hazy, and Yunho would drink him in and love him and worship him. And later still, Jaejoong would curl into Yunho’s side and push as close as possible before falling asleep._

________

 

_“Yunho! Put me down!” Jaejoong exclaimed. Changmin looked up briefly from studying Japanese, saw Yunho carrying Jaejoong over his shoulder out of the music room, shook his head and turned away. “Changmin, help!” Jaejoong called. Changmin waved._

_“Sorry, Jae. Busy,” he said. Jaejoong scowled._

_“Yunho, come on, I have work to do,” he said, hitting Yunho’s back. Yunho shook his head._

_“You’ve been working for ages, and you need to rest,” he said. He slipped through the open door of their room and kicked the door closed. Jaejoong huffed, annoyed – he was almost finished with the song he was writing, and then Yunho came barging into the music room and pulled him away. Working for four hours wasn’t_ that _bad, was it?_

_He was pulled from his thoughts as he fell to the bed, flailing briefly before realising that he was fine, and turning to yell at his smirking boyfriend again. “Yunho!”_

_“What?” Yunho asked, eyes wide and open, a guileless smile on his face. Jaejoong snorted and went to stand and leave. “Ah ah ah! Stay where you are!” Yunho cried, pushing him back._

_“Yunho, I need to finish that song!” Jaejoong said, trying to dislodge Yunho’s hands from his body._

_“You can finish it later,” Yunho said. “For now, you’ve been sitting in one position for over four hours – “_

_“It hasn’t been_ over _four hours – ”_

_“Yes, Jae, it has. You’ve been sitting in one position for over four hours, and you need to relax for a bit. I could tell when I went in that you were getting frustrated,” Yunho said calmly. By now, he had his hands in Jaejoong’s hair, and the slightly older man had relaxed into his touch and was curled on the bed with his head in Yunho’s lap. Yunho smiled, and Jaejoong huffed as he realized that he had been tricked._

_“Dammit, Yunho,” he mumbled half-heartedly, hiding his smile in the other man’s thigh. He loved Yunho’s hands, and he loved it whenever they could just sit like this, and Yunho would touch him like he was now. “Fine,” he sighed. “But I need to get back to work after a while.” Yunho smiled down at his lover and nodded._

________

 

_“Jaejoong, Yoochun, and Junsu have filed a lawsuit against the company.”_

_The words rang in the silence that followed, Changmin and Yunho both shocked into silence. Changmin turned to look at Yunho, bewildered. Yunho sat stock still, struggling to process the news. They had filed the lawsuit. They were trying to leave. Jaejoong was trying to leave._

_“… asked to leave the dorms tomorrow morning, and we would like for you two to have no more contact with them.” The words jerked Yunho out of his shock – leaving tonight?_

_“What?” he asked. The company executives turned to focus on him._

_“They will be asked to leave the dorms tomorrow morning. We would like you to have no more contact with them, other than any goodbyes you say tonight. We hope to finish this quickly and quietly, and then we can decide what to do about TVXQ.” Yunho’s blood boiled. What to do about TVXQ? As if it was a broken sink. Maybe that’s what it was – maybe that’s how the other three saw it. Why else would they throw it away? He stood abruptly, so fast his chair fell backward. Changmin jumped, and the executives looked at him expectantly. He glared at them, and then swept out of the room. Changmin glanced around and hurriedly followed him._

_“Yunho!” he called. Yunho stormed down the halls of the SM building, his face closed and cold, his shoulders tense, his strides long and precise. They passed various other people, seniors and juniors, and Yunho ignored them all and continued. How dare they? How dare they do this to them? They were family, brothers, how dare they cast them aside? And how could Jaejoong ever do this? Only a week ago, he was wishing for forever. And now he was leaving. Yunho almost growled at the thought, storming to a car and throwing himself into it. Changmin caught up with him and got in just in time, and then Yunho was peeling out of the parking lot and onto the road._

________

 

_Jaejoong was sitting on the couch when the door slammed open. He jumped up as Yunho stormed into the living room, his heart sinking at the look on his lover’s face._

_“Yunho?” he asked tentatively. Yunho glared at him and stalked over. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Yoochun, Changmin, and Junsu at the edges of the room, watching them closely. Yoochun was tense, seemingly ready to jump in at any moment. Jaejoong turned back to Yunho as he approached. “Yunho, what’s wrong?” he asked. Yunho scoffed._

_“What’s wrong? You tell me, Jaejoong,” he said. “What’s wrong? Why are you leaving?” he asked. Jaejoong’s breath hitched, and he heard soft sounds of distress from the three younger members at the leader’s words._

_“You know why, Yunho – ” he started, but stopped when Yunho scoffed again._

_“No, Jae, I don’t. We talked about this, but had decided to stay, and work out a longer term plan to make things better, and then I hear today – from the company, not any of you I might add – that you three have decided to file a lawsuit anyway! Why, Jaejoong?” he asked, yelling by now. Jaejoong reached out, trying to calm Yunho down enough to talk, but Yunho backed away. Jaejoong stifled a sob – Yunho had never denied a touch before unless they were in public. Even in their very worst fights, he would always let Jaejoong touch him. Jaejoong shrank back into the corner Yunho had walked him towards, his hand going up to cover his mouth. His eyes darted around the room, looking for an escape – but there wasn’t one. So he took a deep breath, and met Yunho’s eyes._

________

 

“… ave to go on stage. Jae! Jae, come on, we have to perform!” Jaejoong came back to himself with Yoochun shaking him, and frantic stagehands trying to get Yunho and Changmin out of the way, and the three of them out onto the stage for their performance. Movement next to Yunho caught Jaejoong’s eye – Changmin was pushing at the other man, trying to get him to take a step forward. The younger man was pale, and his eyes kept flicking to Jaejoong, Junsu, and Yoochun, seeming torn between getting as far away as possible and staying and screaming at them. Yoochun was pushing at Jaejoong’s shoulders, trying to get his attention, but Jaejoong couldn’t look away from Yunho. They stared at each other, paralysed, until finally Yunho turned away and brushed past him. Changmin followed quickly, glancing back once at his former bandmates, and then they were gone.

Jaejoong was shaking. Stagehands were shouting, trying to get them onstage, Yoochun and Junsu were standing protectively on either side of him, and Jaejoong felt like he was being crushed. He closed his eyes, and the memory of Yunho’s face, cold and closed off, swam in front of his eyes, and he heaved one dry sob. Yoochun stepped close and put an arm around him, and he finally straightened and squared his shoulders and nodded. The three of them stood straight, and moved forward. Yoochun nodded to one of the stagehands, and they were ushered out onto the stage in darkness.

 

The crowd was screaming. Everyone knew who was set to perform next, and the tension was rising fast. As the break between performers stretched a little too long, the tension in the room grew more and more palpable, and the screams began to lessen. They were slowly replaced by murmuring, whispers, hissed speculation – were they pulled out at the last minute? Are they not going to perform after all?

Looking back, it would seem almost planned. Just as the whispers began to grow louder, the opening notes of _Back Seat_ began to play, and Yoochun’s voice carried out over the crowd. There was what seemed to be a collective breath, and then Jaejoong began to sing, and the lights went up, and the audience screamed. The screams were cut off almost immediately, replaced by almost silence as JYJ performed.

           

Junsu and Yoochun noticed it immediately – Jaejoong’s dance moves didn’t finish, his singing was slightly less than it normally was, and his face was blank. He was putting in enough of an effort to make it seem like a normal performance, but more of his energy was going into not breaking down on stage than actually performing. Regardless, the stage went perfectly, and when the lights went out and JYJ exited the stage, the screams and cheers were deafening.

When the three men stepped off stage, they were rushed away to their dressing room immediately, where an almost prostrated member of the stage crew began apologizing for the mix-up as fast and as much as they could, until finally Yoochun cut them off and ushered them away. He was glancing worriedly at Jaejoong, who hadn’t spoken a word yet, and all he wanted was to get him home.

As soon as they could, they began to get ready to leave, Jaejoong moving sluggishly as he removed his costume and changed into street clothes, never seeming to pay attention to what he was doing. Just as they were about to leave, the door to their dressing room burst open. Yoochun and Junsu whirled around and moved to block Jaejoong from whoever was coming in.

“Really, now, is that anyway to greet an old friend?” Heechul drawled from the doorway. He swept into the room and over to the couch, where he sat and arranged his clothes before looking up at the three men before him. Yoochun was staring, Junsu was gaping, and Jaejoong was slowly standing from his chair, his eyebrow raised as he took in his old friend. Heechul smirked.

“What are you doing here, Heechul?” Jaejoong asked. Heechul gave a long-suffering sigh and rolled his eyes.

“Honestly, can’t I just come and say hello?” he asked. His eyes flicked to Junsu briefly and he smiled. “Junsu, close your mouth, and then go shut the door, will you?” he asked. Junsu snapped his mouth shut and then glared at the older man as he reached out and swung the door closed. Heechul smiled.

“What are you doing here, Heechul?” Jaejoong asked again. Heechul turned to him and narrowed his eyes.

“I really did want to say hello,” he said. “Of course, I also wanted to congratulate you on your performance. Not your best, but very good – and I can give allowances. If I had run into my ex-lover just before performing and had _that_ delicious stare down, I would be off my game, too.” Yoochun ground his teeth. Heechul glanced at him and smiled. Jaejoong laughed half-heartedly and shook his head at the older singer.

“I’m fine, Heechul, so you can go. We need to get going, anyway,” he said. Heechul looked at him closely for a moment, and finally nodded. He rose, waved and swept out the door. Junsu let out a breath.

“He’s still terrifying,” he said. Yoochun laughed, and Jaejoong gave a tiny smile.

“I don’t think that will ever change,” he said. “Come on, let’s get going. I have some work to do.” He picked up his things and left the room, falling back into his reverie as he did. Yoochun and Junsu followed him out, glancing sceptically at each other the whole way.

 

When Yunho arrived home, he threw himself on the couch and groaned. He normally enjoyed the end of year music festivals. They were fun, and it was nice to get together with idols from many companies and be able to see them in an environment that’s not quite as rushed as a music show. He had been looking forward to this one, too. But when he heard that the three men who had left him and Changmin would be there, he had been worried. He had been reassured that they would be kept away from each other, and they wouldn’t have to interact, and that had made him less worried. But then they had come face to face with each other, and now he couldn’t stop thinking about them, and memories of them, and _him_.

Jaejoong had looked tired. There was no other way to put it. He had looked good, but thin and tired. The image brought forward old memories, memories of Jaejoong overworking, and taking care of him until he felt better, and then doing it all again the next time Jaejoong worked too long or too hard with no breaks. Yunho groaned again and tried to push the memories away, because those memories brought out memories of Jaejoong when he was at full energy, bouncing around and smiling and cheering the others on. And those memories brought out memories of Jaejoong encouraging and comforting Yunho, and then memories of Jaejoong cooking, and memories of him silently asking for a hug or a kiss, and memories of him late at night, flushed and panting as they moved together.

Yunho groaned once more before rubbing over his face with his hands and shaking his head. He didn’t want to reminisce, to remember. It was too painful, and he had done enough of it at the beginning. But suddenly, everything reminded him of Jaejoong, or of Junsu, or of Yoochun, and every memory he didn’t want to remember was forcing itself into his mind, and he didn’t know how to stop them.

________

 

_Jaejoong was cooking, and Changmin was sitting in the kitchen, alternating between studying and whining for the food to come faster. Jaejoong was laughing, and when he turned, he caught sight of Yunho in the doorway and grinned._

_“Yah, leader!” he called. “Tell the little one to be patient, he won’t listen to me.” Yunho laughed._

_“What makes you think he’ll listen to me?” he asked incredulously, as he walked over to Jaejoong and wrapped his arms around him from behind. Changmin snorted._

_“I definitely won’t listen to you,” he said. The switch happened fast enough to give them whiplash. “Jae, I want food!” Changmin whined, going from snarky to petulant in a split second. Jaejoong laughed, long and loud, and shook his head as he continued to cook._

________

 

_“I love you,” Jaejoong whispered. Yunho rolled over in bed and gathered him close._

_“I love you, too,” he mumbled. Jaejoong smiled and curled into the broad man’s body heat. The room was dark and quiet as they fell asleep, tired after a long day of practicing._

________

 

_“Yunho, stop it! Will you just listen to me?” Jaejoong yelled, almost hoarse from how long this fight had been going on. When Yunho stormed in and asked about the lawsuit, Jaejoong knew the ensuing fight would be terrible. He glanced worriedly at the three men in the corner who were staring at them, wishing that this could happen elsewhere, but he knew that if he tried to move it, Yunho would just get angrier._

_“What do you have to say? I find it very hard to believe that anything will make this better, Jaejoong,” Yunho yelled back. Jaejoong flinched, and then he squared his shoulders and glared at the other man._

_“You’ve got it all wrong – we’re not doing this because we want to leave_ you _, we’re doing it because we can’t be in the company anymore. This is destroying us, Yunho! How can you ask us to stay?! We’re not leaving you. We’re leaving SM. We can still see you, and you and I can still be together – ”_

_“Do you even hear yourself, Jaejoong?” Yunho asked, incredulously. “You know as well as I do that the company will never let Changmin and I meet with you, it would be too risky for them. And it’s hard enough being together now, when we’re together all the time anyway. If you’re in another company, it’ll be almost impossible. And you_ know _that we can’t reveal it, or SM will destroy us!” Yunho was fuming, angry that Jaejoong was leaving him, angry that all three were leaving TVXQ, and angry that he hadn’t been told before now._

_Jaejoong was close to tears. He didn’t know how to convince Yunho that it would be alright, that this wasn’t the end of the world, that they could still be together, and once he and Yoochun and Junsu were out, they could find a way to bring Yunho and Changmin after. Yunho was having none of it, to focused on the perceived betrayal. Jaejoong took a breath, getting ready to tell Yunho to calm down, that they could figure this out, when Yunho’s suddenly quiet, cold voice sounded._

_“If it’s that hard, then maybe you should just leave. If we’re not enough to keep you here – if I’m not enough, then maybe you should just go. Find something better,” he said, turning away and going to the door to leave._

_“Yunho – ” Jaejoong called running after him. Yunho whirled around, glaring, tears in his eyes._

_“Just go, Jaejoong. We’re done. Just get out of my sight,” he said, his voice rough. Jaejoong felt the tears in his eyes overflow as he called Yunho’s name again. The tall man turned and walked away, the door to his room closing with a snap, and Jajeoong crumpled to the floor, sobbing and struggling to breathe._

________

 

Yunho groaned again. He went to the kitchen sink and splashed water on his face, trying to get the memory of that fight out of his head. He leaned over the sink and closed his eyes, trying to calm down. The front door opened, and he heard Changmin come in and take off his shoes and close the door.

“Yunho?” Changmin called.

“In the kitchen,” Yunho called back. Changmin walked through the apartment and stopped in the kitchen doorway. He stared at Yunho’s back for a moment, scared of what he would see on his face when he turned around. He remembered the look that came over the leader in that last fight, and the looks that came in the days that followed, and he never wanted to see them again. He shook his head, berating himself. Yunho was fine.

Yunho straightened up and dried his face. He took a breath and turned to look at Changmin. He smiled at him. “Hey, Min,” he said. Changmin sagged a little bit, relieved to see the smile and warm eyes he was used to. A little tired, a little stressed, but still Yunho. He smiled back and walked into the kitchen to sit down at the counter.

“How are you doing?” he asked. Yunho sighed and glanced down.

“I’m alright,” he said. He looked up at Changmin with a tired smile. “I wasn’t prepared for that to happen, but I’ll be alright.” Changmin nodded. “Are you ok?” he asked. Changmin smiled and nodded.

“I wasn’t prepared either, but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. I’ll be fine,” he said. Changmin wasn’t worried about himself. He had someone to go to, someone to cry to, to rant to, to lean on – Yunho didn’t. He had people he could talk to, but no one like what Jaejoong used to be for him. That had taken it’s toll right after the split, and Changmin worried it would happen again. He opened his mouth to say something about it, when Yunho’s phone went off in his pocket.

“Just a second, Min,” he said as he pulled it out. He looked at the screen, and furrowed his brow for a moment. He shrugged a moment later and put it away. “Heechul is throwing a party and wants us to come,” he said. Changmin looked apprehensive.

“Is there a choice?” he asked. Yunho raised an eyebrow at him. “Of course not, it’s Heechul. You come or you die. Ok, when is it?” he asked. Yunho laughed.

“In two days,” he said. Changmin nodded, said goodnight and left the kitchen. He looked back from the doorway. Yunho was sitting at the counter, tracing invisible patterns on the surface. He looked lonely, and in that moment, all Changmin wished for was that the lawsuit and the break up had never happened.


	3. Shout Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-written with a friend of mine. She wrote this chapter.
> 
> Title is a SHINee song.

The boys of SHINee stumbled through their front door in an aura of joy and exhaustion. Their performance at MBC Geyo Daejun had been a huge hit and many of the members were still riding the high that came from the cheers of their beloved fans. However, there was a slight hitch in the mood as Jonghyun slowly slid his shoes off and scratched the back of his head. Key turned to look at him, his blonde hair falling beautifully across his forehead. Jonghyun had not been the same since the incident at the music festival earlier that night and although Key was also concerned by it he got the impression he was not nearly as distraught as Jonghyun was. Key took a step towards his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around his waist. “Is everything alright?” He asked, knowing full well what the answer was but still wanting to present the question. A fake smile quickly shone over Jonghyun’s lips. “Sure. I’m fine.” 

 

“No you’re not.”Key insisted, pulling Jonghyun closer to him and resting his chin on his shoulder. “Its okay to not be alright you know, I’m here. Besides, I think all of us are a bit shaken up by what happened tonight.” Jonghyun nodded shallowly.

 

“It’s true!” Taemin yelled from across the room where he was sprawled out like a starfish on the hard wood floor. “It was really weird seeing JYJ and did you see the way they looked at each other?” Taemin shot up into a seated position and looked at the other members around him. Onew was laying on the sofa watching intently and Minho was seated cross-legged next to Taemin. “Who?” Minho asked. 

 

“Yunho and Jaejoong. Who else?” Taemin responded quickly without thought. Jonghyun tensed between Key’s arms. He had seen it too. The vacant look in Yunho’s eyes that had taken hold the moment his gaze met that of Jaejoong’s. It was strange to see the three members of JYJ in person after so long. Yunho was right, Jaejoong was beautiful. Although the way he looked at Yunho earlier that night did not reflect that he knew just how beautiful Yunho thought he was. Or used to think he was. Jonghyun shivered and Key tightened his grip. “Let’s take a shower.” He playfully fingered at the hem of Jonghyun’s shirt sending small sparks of pleasure through the older whenever his fingers came in contact with his flesh. “Okay” he responded. 

 

“No shower sex!” Onew yelled harshly but still somehow playful. “We all have to use the same bathroom!” 

 

“Psssh,” Key laughed, “Then you shouldn’t have used all my body wash!” Onew blushed and rolled up into a ball on the white leather sofa. With a look of determination Key grabbed Jonghyun by the wrist and dragged him into the bathroom. He bent over to turn on the tap and the room began to quickly fill with steam. 

 

“I…” Jonghyun paused. “I know” Key responded, “We aren’t going to do anything. Just relax and let me wash your back.” With a soft and understanding smile Key slipped out of his clothes and stepped into the shower. Jonghyun followed soon after. Jonghyun let the hot water pound on his upper back as he stood face to face with the love of his life. It was so nice to just stand their in the steam with nothing but the intention of being right next to each other. That’s what he needed right now. He needed Key to just be there and he was. Key watched Jonghyun’s tired eyes and reached his hands towards his shoulders. “Turn around” he said quietly. “and pass me the body wash” Jonghyun nodded. Key squirted body wash into his hands and began to trace circles on Jonghyun’s back scrubbing the grime of the day and all of Jonghyun’s negativity away. Jonghyun sighed quietly as Key wrapped his arms around his chest and placed a kiss on his shoulder blade.

 

“There.” Key said, “Feel better?” Jonghyun turned around and nodded, letting a small smile play at his lips. “Good” Key smiled back, “Now my turn!” With a quick shove Key had pushed Jonghyun out of the hot water and taken his rightful spot, back facing him. Jonghyun rolled his eyes and proceeded to reciprocate scrubbing all the sweat off of Key. 

 

“You know” Key suddenly whipped around to face Jonghyun catching him by surprise and nearly causing him to fall in the slippery shower. “Geesh Key!” he yelled. “Sorry” Key chuckled. “What were you going to say?” Jonghyun finally regained his balance and looked up to face Key’s gorgeous chocolate colored eyes. This is when Key looked the most beautiful, when the water washed away all the makeup and the dirt and left Key as purely himself staring lovingly at Jonghyun. 

 

“This might not be a bad thing” Key finally spoke. Jonghyun was puzzled by Key’s sudden switch of topic. He had begun to forget about the events of the day and had been enjoying their time alone but now everything crashed back over him. “What might not be a bad thing?” Jonghyun inquired. 

 

“Jaejoong and Yunho. They loved each other once. I’m sure they still do. You don’t just stop feeling that way about someone. Maybe its not such a bad thing that they saw each other tonight. Maybe it’s even a good thing.” Jonghyun froze. At first he didn’t understand what the other was saying. But then it clicked and the pit of his stomach began to burn. He gritted his teeth. “What do you mean it could be a good thing?” Key noticed the sudden lick of flames behind Jonghyun’s eyes and swallowed. But he was confident that he was right. How could it be bad that two people who loved each other got a chance to see one another again? Who knows, maybe this could lead to something more. Key was convinced it was sign. Something needed to happen and the universe was letting it. At that moment he remembered what Jaejoong had said to him years ago when he had finally worked up the courage to tell someone how he felt about Jonghyun. _“The universe is a funny place Key. If something is meant to happen then it will. Just wait a little longer.”_ But Key couldn’t wait. He needed Jonghyun in his arms and that statement had been the one to make him realize that. It was meant to happen. Yunho and Jaejoong had something so beautiful and they had been forced apart for years. Maybe now it was time for them to come back together. Key admitted in his head that he was a hopeless romantic but he still stood by what he thought. There was nothing bad about what had happened that night. 

 

At this point Jonghyun hadn’t said anything for a while but his fingers were digging uncomfortably into Key’s upper arm. His stare was piercing the younger boy in an comfortable and questioning way. Jonghyun and Key had argued before but they had never had completely different opinions about something. The prospect of disagreeing so fully and outright with the man he loved was making Jonghyun’s stomach churn. “You’re wrong” his voice cracked. Key looked taken aback but not surprised. He had been hoping maybe he could convince Jonghyun or at least relieve some of the pressure building up inside of him but had a pretty good idea of what was brewing inside his head.

 

Jonghyun’s hand fell from Key’s shoulder and he slouched against the wall. The sound of the water was no longer calming to him. It was allowing him to stand there in stunned silence without everything around him collapsing but it was no longer washing away everything he hoped to forget. Key sighed and reached out to grab Jonghyun’s hand but hesitated slightly as the older boy suddenly moved to quickly escape the shower. Before he knew it Key was standing alone under the now lukewarm water. He heard Jonghyun grab a towel off the shelf and shut the door violently behind him. In a confused attempt to rush after the other boy Key quickly turned off the shower, threw the shower curtain aside, grabbed a towel and skirted out the door. 

 

“Agh!” In his flustered state Key had failed to noticed Taemin standing right outside the bathroom and the boys collided messily. “Look where you’re going Kibum!” Taemin yelled now wet from the encounter and on the ground. “Sorry” Key said quietly collecting himself and heading towards the bedroom door he could see was closed securely. 

 

“Is everything alright?” Minho called from behind. “Jonghyun slammed the door pretty hard.” Key looked back at his fellow members, “Uh..yeah.” He said turning back to open the bedroom door which he quickly discovered was locked. 

 

“Jjong” he pleaded. “Open the door. You have to talk to me. I don’t even know why you are so upset.” There was no response. Key glanced back again at the other members of SHINee who were now all standing in the hallway throwing him inquisitive glances of concern. “Come on Jjong. At least let me in so I can put some clothes on.” The lock clicked but no one opened the door. Key slowly put his hand to the knob and turned, closing the barrier quietly behind him. Jonghyun was sitting on the bed in sweatpants, his hair still dripping from the shower. Key walked slowly over to his lover and sat down on the bed. “Jjong” he whispered. “Tell me what I did. I know you are worried about what happened but tell me what I said to upset you so I can fix it.” Jonghyun grunted and rolled his eyes. 

 

“What’s that about?” Key spoke a little louder now getting steadily more irritated with Jonghyun who swiveled his body to look at the younger boy. 

 

“What’s wrong? Is that what you want to know Key?” Key was taken aback by Jonghyun’s sharp tone. “yeah…” he responded. Jonghyun hesitated for a moment before he took on an aura of pure frustration, stood up from the bed and stood above Key staring him down. “You think the fact that Yunho and Jaejoong saw each other is a good thing? I can’t fathom how you could possibly think that. Do you not remember what Yunho went through?” Jonghyun’s voice was raising steadily with each syllable he spoke. Key swallowed and stood so Jonghyun was now the one looking up. 

 

“Of course.” Key said sternly. “I remember what Yunho went through, even if I didn’t see as much of it as you did. But that doesn’t mean this isn’t a good thing! They still love each other Jjong.” Jonghyun was fuming at this point. 

 

“How could you possibly know that? Do you read minds now? You saw the look on Yunho’s face. He was terrified. Every single year of heartache came back to him in those three seconds. I have never seen him look so distraught even right after the breakup happened.” Key stepped forward and grabbed his sweatpants off the dresser behind Jonghyun. Slipping out of his towel and drying off his hair he said nothing to the older boy while he dressed himself and then resumed his spot in front of him. Jonghyun was furious now. How could Key possibly think that Yunho and Jaejoong could ever get back together after what Jaejoong put Yunho through. Jongyun was startled by the amount of hate he felt festering towards Jaejoong. He hadn’t realized before just how upset he was at that man for making one of his best friends double over in pain and never quite recover. 

 

“Jjong” Key said softly. “I know you’re upset. I know Yunho went through a lot but you have to understand. This could be an opportunity for them to reconcile. I’m not saying that means getting back together, it could just mean coming to terms with each other. I don’t know. But I think this was the universe helping them to figure each other out again.” How could Key remain so calm during such a dire situation when he freaked out every morning about what shirt to wear? Jonghyun couldn’t take it anymore. He had never yelled this harshly at the other boy but he felt so strongly about what Yunho had been through that he couldn’t stop himself from exploding. 

 

“Key you just don’t get it and you never will. You didn’t see Yunho break down. You didn’t see the exhaustion in his eyes, the pain. You didn’t have to sit there and listen to him tell you that he was broken and that nothing could ever fix him.” Jonghyun’s breathing was heavy and with each word he stepped closer to Key pressing his fist into his lover’s chest. 

 

“You’re right. I didn’t have to sit there. But neither did you Jjong! You could have left. You didn’t have to let Yunho pull you into the pits of sorrow with him. I saw what he went through too. I might not have seen him cry but I saw his dance moves slow down and heard his voice falter. I know how hard it was for him but maybe Jaejoong is the only thing that can fix him! Did you ever think of that?” Key was also yelling at this point and it was pretty clear to the two of them that they were not going to reach an agreement. 

 

“I thought you were smarter than that Key.” Jonghyun snapped. 

“Yeah. Me too” Key fumed back at him. 

 

A knock on the door stopped both of them in their tracks. Whipping around they both scattered in opposite directions and saw the other three boys sneak into the room through the unlocked door. “It sure doesn’t sound like everything is okay…” Onew spoke hesitantly. Taemin peaked around the door frame below Onew a look of shock on his face as the witnessed two of his best friends standing as far away from each other as he had ever seen. 

 

“Stop” Taemin said. “Just stop.” He said nothing else and turned away. Onew sighed and stepped into the room, Minho tailing him. “You know. We probably shouldn’t get involved but I have to agree with Key. I think this might be for the best.” Minho glanced sideways at Onew in warning. He was too smart to say anything at this moment, especially an opinion that might start to differentiate sides. He didn’t want to see the group split in any way shape or form. Jonghyun let out a gravely yell and moved to exit the room and left. “What are you all doing in here anyways? This isn’t any of your business.” 

 

Onew coughed uncomfortably. Key sat down on the bed and laid back covering his eyes with his elbow. “I didn’t even do anything! Besides, he’s wrong and he’s just too much of a coward to admit it.” 

 

“I don’t know” Minho said going to sit next to the overwhelmed Key on the bed. “There is no way we can know whether what happened is going to be a good thing or not. I’m a neutral party.” Key rolled over and groaned. “He’ll get over it” Minho placed a comforting hand on Key’s back. “I suppose” Key whispered, not sure he was convinced. At that moment the worry began to build. Key and Jonghyun hadn’t ever fought like this before and it was about something not even related to them. How stupid could Jonghyun be? Key thought. He’s obviously just very worked up. He’ll calm down and everything will be fine. 

 

Onew was still leaning against the door frame when his phone let out a series of squeaks and beeps. He reached into his pocket to fish it out and turned to face the other boys. “Heechul’s throwing a party this weekend. He wants us all to go.” 

 

Minho laughed, “Sure” 

Key groaned somewhere in-between agreement and obligation. 

Taemin came running down the hall and slid into the room excitedly, “Did you say party?” 

 

That night Key had the entire bedroom to himself. He wasn’t sure where Jonghyun was but the complaints that rang from the youngest member’s room gave him a pretty good idea. It took hours for Key to fall asleep and he secretly hoped it had taken Jonghyun just as long. 


	4. Dear J

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-written with a friend of mine. I wrote this chapter.
> 
> Title is a JYJ song.

Jaejoong walked into his apartment, took off his shoes, and threw himself on the couch. His body slumped, relaxing into the soft cushions, and he let his head fall backwards to stare at the ceiling. The night had been an ordeal. It had been stressful enough to be performing on live TV for the first time in years, but to also be in the same space as so many of their former label mates made it a dozen times more nerve-wracking. And being in the same space as their former bandmates made it even more difficult to maintain a calm façade.

They had been told in no uncertain terms before the beginning of the evening that there would be no contact. A part of Jaejoong – a part he tried to convince himself was small and delusional, but that was really quite large – had hated that, wanted contact; a look, a word, a smirk in the right direction. Another part – this one Jaejoong tried to pretend was much larger than it really was – clung to the rule like a lifeline. In the end, of course, it didn’t matter. One misstep somewhere in the process had pushed the five of them together, and now Jaejoong was desperately wishing that the universe hadn’t listened to that one ( _small_ ) part of him. But it had. And every time he closed his eyes, Yunho’s face swam in front of them, shuttered and cold.

Jaejoong huffed an annoyed sigh as he felt his eyes prick for the umpteenth time that evening as he replayed the short meeting _again_ in his head. They had all stood completely still for a minute, maybe two, and he and Yunho had stared at each other the whole time. Yunho had moved first, brushing by without a word or a backwards glance, somehow managing to make Jaejoong sway and almost stumble even as he avoided any and all contact. Jaejoong’s breath hitched once as he remembered.

When had Yunho’s eyes ever been so cold? When had the tall man ever looked at him with such a vacant stare? He never had. Even when they were fighting, there was always something there when they looked at each other. It was always enough so that Jaejoong could tell something about the direction the fight was going. But this time, he had been lost, unable to discern whether Yunho was pleased or angry at their accidental meeting. And he hated it.

The singer rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair, and his eyes squeezed shut as he tried to clear his mind of the evening, and think about something else. No matter how he tried, though, he couldn’t get Yunho and his cold eyes out of his head.

Over the years since their breakup, Jaejoong had dreamed up their reunion many times. It was always different except for the ending. It always ended with smiles and laughter and warmth that was different from before, but of a similar quality. How they got there varied. Sometimes it happened quickly, and began with tearful smiles and sweet words. Sometimes it happened slowly, and began with fiery tempers and yelling and hurt. Never had it ever started with cold. Never had he dreamed of a reunion that began in silence, and ended in deafening silence.

He sighed. He had hoped, somewhere in the back of his mind, that the years apart would have cooled Yunho’s anger over the split. He had hoped that the distance would make Yunho think about the reasons he, Junsu, and Yoochun had decided that they couldn’t stay. Evidently, that wasn’t the case, and Yunho was as angry as ever.

 

When he and the other two had first filed the lawsuit, and Yunho and Changmin had first heard the news, Jaejoong had understood the anger. The five of them had talked about the problems they were having, toyed with the idea of trying to leave, but in the end, decided to stay. It was only later that Jaejoong, Yoochun, and Junsu spoke with each other and agreed that they couldn’t stay.

Jaejoong didn’t regret leaving the company. He was making the music he loved, and he had two of the best friends he could ever ask for at his side, and all three of them were thriving. He knew that would never have happened if they had stayed, and he knew that the fiasco that the lawsuit had become had to have caused some positive changes for the people they left behind. So no, Jaejoong didn’t regret leaving the company. He regretted leaving Yunho and Changmin, and he regretted not telling them sooner; he regretted leaving them to find out from company executives, and not from him and the others.

Jaejoong had never wanted to cause the kind of schism that had come as a result of the lawsuit. He had never wanted to leave Yunho and Changmin, never wanted to break up with Yunho, but neither of them had given him a chance to explain that. Changmin had stayed quiet and withdrawn, had silently watched the explosion as it happened. He hadn’t moved by the time Jaejoong, Yoochun, and Junsu walked out the door, and Jaejoong barely caught a glimpse of the tears in his eyes as he turned away. He hadn’t watched them leave.

Yunho had come home angry, and hadn’t spoken to any of them for the rest of the night. After he left the living room, he had spent the rest of the evening (as far as Jaejoong knew) in bed with headphones in, and had seemed to be sleeping when Jaejoong went to pack his things. There hadn’t been a chance to explain their reasoning, or to convince either of them that this wasn’t a betrayal.

Jaejoong had lived with that for five years. He had lived and worked and thrived, all while holding the weight of those memories on his shoulders. After tonight, the weight seemed to have increased. The few moments he had been standing in front of them seemed to be emblazoned on the backs of his eyelids, and every time he closed his eyes, he was backstage again, staring at Yunho, with Changmin’s pale, terrified face filling his peripheral vision.

 

Jaejoong was shaking his head again when he heard the door open. Only three other people had keys to his apartment, and only two of them would be coming to see him this late, on this night. He rubbed his eyes and stood up before turning to face his bandmates.

Yoochun and Junsu hurried into the living room, worried about Jaejoong. They had all gone home separately, and both of them had decided to come check on the oldest member instead of going to bed. They had been worried about him all night, and didn’t want to leave him alone.

Jaejoong smiled at the two men stumbling into his living room. “Hey, guys,” he said wearily. Their heads snapped around to look at him, and Junsu ran forward to latch onto Jaejoong’s arm.

“Jae! Are you alright?” he asked. They hadn’t been able to ask until now, and Junsu was close to going out of his mind. Jaejoong smiled and patted the younger man’s head.

“I’m fine, Junsu,” he said. “Tired, and I wish that we hadn’t met them again like that, but I’m alright.” Jaejoong looked past Junsu’s shoulder to Yoochun, who hadn’t moved closer and was staring at him with narrowed eyes. He smiled and reached out a hand, beckoning Yoochun closer. “I promise,” he said.

Yoochun walked forward slowly, still staring at Jaejoong shrewdly, and took his hand. “Are you sure?” he asked quietly. Jaejoong nodded and put on a smile that was only slightly strained before dragging both of his bandmates to the kitchen.

“Yes, I’m sure. Now come one, I’ll make us a midnight snack, and you can stay here tonight.” Junsu and Yoochun glanced at each other. This was Jaejoong’s way of saying he didn’t want to be alone tonight, and they knew it. Junsu tightened his grip on the older man’s arm and pressed closer, more worried than before. He knew that Jaejoong would be alright. He just worried about how long it would take.

 

Jaejoong pushed both of them onto the stools at the kitchen counter and bustled over to the fridge to start pulling out ingredients for their midnight snack. “So, is this going to be a snack or another meal?” Junsu asked, staring at the quantity of rice, vegetables, and spices being laid out on the counter top. Jaejoong grinned.

“A snack. Just, a big snack. There’s never enough food at those festivals, so I know you’re still hungry. Don’t complain, Su,” he said. Junsu scowled, and then yelped as Yoochun poked him in the side.

“Yeah, Su. Don’t complain,” he said. The teasing was mild, nothing compared to some of the bouts of ribbing that had taken place in their years together. Jaejoong smiled at it, though, as some of the memories that he had been fighting were replaced with memories of loud, convulsive laughter and smiles so wide, their cheeks hurt for hours.

He continued making his ‘snack’, listening idly to the good natured bickering across from him, glad that his friends had decided to come over and check on him.

 

Yoochun nudged Junsu and nodded at Jaejoong. He was looking calmer than he had when they got there. When they arrived, he had looked scattered and pale. His hair had been a mess from running his fingers through it, and his eyes had been wide and dark in his pale face. Junsu had felt how tense he was as well, when he had grabbed his arm. Now, some time later, his hair had fallen over his forehead again, and there was more colour in his cheeks. Yoochun could see some tension in his shoulders, but it was less than it had been, and that was reassuring. Junsu squeezed Yoochun’s knee under the table, and their eyes met again, silently agreeing that things would be alright. That _Jaejoong_ would be alright.

All three singers were lost in thought when Jaejoong’s phone went off. He looked up from the food he was making and frowned, not sure who would be texting him right now. He pulled his phone out to check it, and scoffed lightly at the message. He quickly typed a reply and put his phone away, and then went back to preparing food for himself and his friends.

“Heechul invited us to a party,” he said. “I said we’d go.” Yoochun groaned.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea, Jae?” Junsu asked. “If it’s Heechul’s party, a lot of SM people are probably going to be there. It could get… messy,” he said, his tone implying that he expected more than just ‘messy’ if they went. Jaejoong smiled.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” he said. “And it also wasn’t really an  _invitation_ , per se. More an edict, that he is throwing a party, and we will attend.” Yoochun groaned again, and dropped his head into his arms. Junsu slapped the back of his head.

“I see,” he said. “Don’t be so dramatic, Chun. It’s not that bad.” Yoochun looked up.

“It’s Heechul, Junsu,” he said. “I shouldn’t need to say anything else.” Jaejoong laughed. Yoochun glared.

“Honestly, Chun, it’ll be fine, and we don’t have to stay that long,” he said. Yoochun huffed an exaggerated sigh and nodded.

“Fine, fine, I will venture into the lion’s den with you,” he said. Junsu burst out laughing and Jaejoong scoffed and reached over to slap Yoochun’s shoulder.

“Oh, shut up, it won’t be that bad,” he said. Yoochun snickered and ducked away from the hands coming at him from both sides now, as both Jaejoong and Junsu tried to attack him.

“Okay, okay!” he exclaimed, throwing his hands up. By that point they were all laughing, and Yoochun and Junsu nodded at each other – Jaejoong would be fine.


	5. Club No.1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cowritten with a friend of mine. She wrote this chapter. 
> 
> The title is a Super Junior song.

Mod81 was playing. The floor was vibrating from the impact of a strong baseline and dancing feet. The boys of SHINee were standing in a bunch next to the rookie band, their heads bobbing enjoying the beat and showing their respect to the younger group.

“I like the drummer” Minho spoke close to Taemin’s ear. “He’s kinda cute.” Taemin glared sideways at the elder. “His name is Jonas. He’s from the United States. I met him last week.” Taemin’s tone took on a grumbling aura. Minho chuckled and placed his fingers gently on the younger boy’s lower back. “Does that mean you’ll introduce me?” Taemin turned and slapped Minho on the shoulder. “I was just kidding!” Minho jumped backwards from the sudden contact and took off running down the nearest hallway, Taemin followed suit.

The rest of SHINee watched the two boys in amusement and turned their attention back to the music. Onew looked anxiously at Jonghyun and Key. The two boys hadn’t said anything to each to each other in days and had sat as far away from each other as possible on the ride over.

Key had been sure to pick out his outfit carefully tonight. He had slipped himself into the tightest hot pink skinny jeans that he owned and knew Jonghyun loved. He wanted to torture the other boy. Wanted to show him how beautiful he was and how easily he could grab anyones attention he desired. Jonghyun had also chosen to wear something he knew drove the other crazy. He stretched one arm over his head showing off his muscular arms in a rolled up button up shirt that was unbuttoned just one button too much to be deemed appropriate.

Key snuck a peak at the birthmark that was placed so wonderfully between Jonghyun’s collarbones and bit back a groan. No, he thought to himself. He couldn't let lust overtake him. He was still angry. Jonghyun caught the subtle glance and rolled his eyes. Key wasn’t as strong as he said he was and Jonghyun knew it. But he wasn’t going to give in. Not now. His stomach was still boiling with anger at the younger boy, although, it was now mixed with a strange anxiousness he couldn’t quite identify.

“Hello boys” Heechul floated past as the doorbell let out another ring. “Enjoying the party are we?” He looked at Jonghyun and Key. Jonghyun was now standing with both his hands in his pockets and Key had his arms crossed across his chest. Heechul rose an eyebrow and moved towards the door. “Please excuse me, someone else has arrived.”

Heecul opened the door in one smooth motion revealing the tall dark figure of Yunho who looked as handsome as ever in a black button down and jeans. Heechul smiled and let the other enter the house. Jonghyun’s eyes went wide when he saw who had just arrived and before anyone could process what was happening around them Jonghyun had taken three quick steps across the room and was face to face with Yunho.

“Hey” Yunho said shocked by the sudden closeness of the dusty blonde haired boy. “Hi” Jonghyun answered, his voice rushed. “Are…” he stuttered. Yunho smiled. “I’m fine Jong.” He placed his hand on Jonghyun’s shoulder and stepped around him to meet the rest of the party, falling into a conversation with Donghae and the various members of f(x). Jonghyun sulked and turned around to observe the other. His face was black and blue from sleepless nights and no matter how much makeup he put on Jonghyun could still make out the tired circles and dry lips. Jonghyun sighed and decided to check out the refreshments and wait for a more convenient moment to question his elder. Just as he was about to leave the room the doorbell rang again and Heechul gracefully opened the door as a giddy looking Changmin stepped quickly inside trailing a chuckling Kyuhyun behind him their fingers gently intertwined.

Changmin and Kyuhyun stopped in front of Jonghyun. “Hey Jong!” Kyuhyun was even more bubbly than usual tonight. Jonghyun snorted. “Hey Kyu. How’s it going?” Changmin moved to drape his arm around Kyuhyun’s slender shoulders. “Good” he responded “I’m looking forward to having some fun tonight.” Jonghyun glanced from one to the other and then back again, “I’m sure” he said as sarcastically as possible. Changmin laughed and reached out to smack the younger’s head lightly. “Hey! You have no space to judge. Although…” Changmin glanced overtop the shorter boy to look quickly at Key who was swaying back and forth enjoying a dance with Taemin and Eunhyuk. Jonghyun awkwardly scratched the back of his head. Changmin looked at him and nodded softly. “It will be okay Jong. You guys always figure things out.” Now it was Jonghyun’s turn to nod softly, not convinced by the other boy’s words. “Well” Changmin spoke over the music that was somehow not filling the silence between the three. “We should go let everyone know we are here” Kyuhyun gave Jonghyun a sideways smile as they slipped away through the door on the far side of the room leaving Jonghyun back where he had started.

————

Kyuhyun and Changmin escaped quickly into the side hall connecting Heechul’s massive living room to his even more massive kitchen which was currently bustling with the preparation of food. Changmin had no intention of letting any one else know they were here just yet and the grip Kyuhyun had on his left hip was letting him know that the other didn’t have any intentions either. The hallway was surprisingly empty due to the motion in the adjacent rooms and the sheer number of people present, but Changmin didn’t complain as he slowly backed Kyuhun up against the wall placing his hands on either side of his shoulders. The shorter boy’s hands moved upwards to wrap around the taller’s waist. They had come straight to the party from both of their schedules that day so there had been little time to slip away and relax into each other’s touches. Both of them were eager and knew that no one else was going to be paying attention to them as they re-discovered every crevice of each other’s bodies in the very public hallway.

“Kyu” Changmin sighed and moved his lips to brush against the other’s ear. Kyuhyun let out a small moan and tensed his hold on Changmin’s waist to pull him closer. Their chests pressed flat against each other. Kyuhyun could feel the heat radiating off of Changmin’s body and wrapped his leg around his lover’s hip pressing his crotch to his thigh. Changmin smiled and began to gently move his lips against Kyuhyun’s soft neck. “I love you” Kyuhyun breathed. Changmin smiled against the other boy’s adams apple and worked his fingers underneath the hem of his shirt, pressing his finger into his bellybutton. Kyuhyun yelped, “That tickles!” The taller boy chuckled in response and knelt down to place a kiss just below the navel of his lover. As his tongue pressed through his lips and began to trace patterns on Kyuhyun’s lower abdomen he heard a shriek from behind them.

“Why is it always me?!” Onew screamed and stomped hastily past the two boys pinned up against the hallway wall. Changmin fell back laughing and then stood up, face to face with Kyuhyun. “I love you too” he mouthed and leaned in to press their lips together. They both stood their for a moment relishing in the feel of the other’s mouth as they fit together like the last two pieces of a puzzle.

“Really?!” Onew screeched again. “I was just going to grab a drink!” This time Kyuhyun burst out laughing against Changmin’s lips and reached up to wrap his arms around the other. Onew rolled his eyes and grinned. The other two took one last long look at each other and turned to leave the hallway, Changmin slipping his hand into the love of his life’s back pocket.

————

Jonghyun had taken up residence on one of Heechul’s many plush sofas and was currently curled into a ball hugging his knees to his chest. He had been watching Yunho all night moving from person to person, talking and smiling, as if nothing had happened.

Jonghyun was beginning to think that he was blowing everything out of proportion as Onew sat down gingerly beside him and handed him a cold can of soda. “Thanks” Jonghyun yelled over the never ending music of Mod81. The violinist was currently performing a quite impressive solo and Jonghyun chuckled as he watched Henry staring sidelong at the young girl moving a bow so quickly across her instrument you could barely see her hands. Heechul was meandering through the room interacting smoothly with each of his guests as if this were the moment he was born for. Jonghyun had never really been a huge party person and he had a hard time understanding how Heechul could so flawlessly interact with other human beings. Changmin and Kyuhyun had re-entered the room briefly followed by Onew but must have slipped away again because Jonghyun couldn’t see them anywhere within the crowd. He turned to Onew a questioning expression on his face. “You probably don’t want to know” Onew answered and sunk back into the sofa.

“So” he said, “When are you and Key going to get over your little hissyfit?” Jonghyun snapped a sharp glance at his leader. “It is not a hissyfit. We’ve never disagreed like this.” Onew sighed. “I know. But come on, you two have been together for six years. Get over yourselves.” With that Onew stood up to respond to a beckon from the members of Girls Generation who were standing across the room. “Excuse me” Onew said smiling. Jonghyun wished it was that easy for him to forget about the situation at hand.

Jonghyun continued to sulk into the silky cushions of the sofa watching the movement around him as people came and went. At one point there was a lull in the music as the members of Mod81 interacted with the other members of SM probably inquiring about what it was really like after debut. Jonghyun thought the lead singer, a small blonde young woman, was particularly pretty although considering where his alliance laid he was more drawn to the drummer who was currently in an apparently hysterical conversation with Ryeowook. Before Jonghyun could get up the courage to go join them the rookie let out a yelp and exclaimed, “But it’s not fair! I want to be a beautiful androgynous Korean man!” A look of disappointment crossed his face as Ryeowook burst out laughing and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. In a state of confusion Jonghyun stood and stretched his arms above his head.

The party was in full swing when the last three guests finally arrived. Jonghyun was still stretching and his eyes went wide as the members of JYJ entered the premises. A jolt of fear plastered his veins as he took in the faces of the three older men. In particular Jounghyun’s gaze fell on the shortest of the three who was looking absolutely stunning in a dark maroon colored v-neck and leather pants. Jonghyun swallowed as his gut caught fire again. Where was Yunho? He had lost track of him over the last hour and now he was suddenly frantically pushing people aside as he searched for his friend. What was Heechul thinking? He had been there when they incident had happened. How could he have invited them both to his party? Panicked Jonghyun paid no notice to the smirk that crossed the overlooking Heechul’s face and bumped hard into the back of one of the members of JYJ, Yoochun to be exact.

“Argh!” Jonghyun yelled stumbling backwards. Yoochun swiveled in surprise and came face to face with the younger boy. “Jonghyun” he said evenly. “Uh…” Jonghyun was trembling now. “Hi” he said quietly. Yoochun smiled tiredly. “How have you been? It’s been ages.” Yoochun visibly relaxed but Jonghyun remained wound like a spring as Junsu and Jaejoong wandered closer and laid their eyes on him. Junsu immediately wrapped him in an embrace. “Jong” he smiled “It's been too long. You have been doing so well. Congratulations on everything.” Jonghyun shrugged out of Junsu’s hug and backed up a few steps biting at the corner of his bottom lip nervously. “Um..thanks” he nodded shallowly at Junsu then turned his fiery eyes on Jaejoong who was remaining quietly behind the other two. “You” Jonghyun exclaimed forcefully. “What are you doing here?” He stepped forward and didn’t stop, pushing Yoochun aside and slowly backing Jaejoong up towards the door. “Jong” Junsu called.

“Do you have any idea what this means?” Jonghyun’s voice was loud enough above the music now that he was pretty sure everyone could hear him yelling, but he didn’t care. “Do you have any fucking idea what you put him through?” Jaejoong stopped stepping backwards and stared Jonghyun straight in the face. “Excuse me?” Jaejoong said sternly, the corners of his mouth turning down in a scowl. “What did you just say?” Jaejoong stepped forward but when Jonghyun didn’t move he reached out a hand and shoved the younger boy back. Jonghyun stumbled, shocked at first, but that was all it took to turn the rumbling coals in his stomach into full blown flames licking against his rib cage.

"I said," Jonghyun screamed, “How could you do this to him? Leave. Right. Now. Before he sees you. Before you can tear him up even more than you already have. Just give up already. Go back to where to went when you left.” Jonghyun felt no guilt about his harsh words even when he saw a small flash of hurt cross Jaejoong's face. But it was gone quickly as Jaejoong reached a hand out again and shoved Jonghyun harder. Growling Jonghyun’s feet planted themselves firmly into the floor as he stared down his opponent.

“Hey!” Key’s voice rose above the music as he rushed over and stood between the fight. “What the hell are you doing? Jae did you just shove my boyfriend?” Jaejoong turned to look at Key. “Maybe I did. So what? He was being an asshole.” Key scoffed. “I’m not denying that.” Jonghyun didn’t know whether to be thankful to Key or angry at his rude comment. He decided upon the latter and started to turn away but found Junsu and Yoochun right behind him. “Oh, no. You’re not going anywhere” Junsu said. “Not until you apologize to Jae. He didn’t do anything wrong. No one did. You know what happened. Don’t be such an idiot Jonghyun.” Both Key and Jonghyun yelled at Junsu’s insult. “Only I’m allowed to call him an idiot” Key exclaimed. Jonghyun shot him the dirtiest look he thought he had ever thrown. Key returned the favor.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about” Jonghyun threw at Junsu.

“I don’t have any idea? Are you fucking kidding me? You have no idea what you are talking about. You have no idea what happened. You’re just a kid Jonghyun.” When Junsu put emphasis on using his full name Jonghyun winced.

Yunho must have heard the commotion because he was now standing a few meters away from the massacre staring blankly in the direction of the steadily heating argument. He locked eyes with Jaejoong, expressionless, then took a step towards Jonghyun. “What are you doing Jong?” Jonghyun didn’t know what to say to his friend, he had hoped he could get the other three to leave before Yunho even noticed they were there. That plan had failed miserably. Jonghyun gritted his teeth, “Why won't you talk to me Yunho? Why won’t you admit that he hurt you and that you hate him for it?” Jonghyun was violently pointing in Jaejoong’s direction, who had moved slightly towards the direction of Yunho a look of subtle awe glued to his face, as if he almost couldn’t believe the other boy was present.

“Stop” Yunho said firmly. “This doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

“Oh shut up Yunho” Junsu snapped. “You don’t have any idea what you’re doing either. You’re the same as this kid.” He gestured towards Jonghyun.

“Su…” Yunho whispered, obviously hurt. “Everyone, please, stop.”

“Hah” Yoochun laughed. “This is bigger than you now Yunho. Jonghyun wasn’t being very nice and we don’t like it when people aren’t nice to our members.” Jaejoong slunk back away from the argument to join Yunho. They stood, a large gap between them, watching the argument escalate, neither one daring to steal a look at the other.

“Besides” Junsu smiled creepily at Jonghyun. “He’s just afraid that he’s gotten it all wrong. Aren’t you Jonghuyn? You’re just a coward.” Without realizing it Junsu had risen his voice dramatically at the end of his exclamation and the entire room fell silent.


	6. Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-written with a friend of mine. I wrote this chapter.
> 
> Title is a Super Junior song.

_“He’s just afraid that he’s gotten it all wrong. Aren’t you Jonghyun? You’re just a coward.”_

Changmin gasped and pulled away from Kyuhyun. He turned and stared back at the main room, listening for that voice again. “Minnie?” Kyuhyun asked, confused. Changmin looked back at the shorter man.

“Was that Junsu?” he asked, face pale. Kyuhyun furrowed his eyebrows.

“What?” he asked.

“I heard someone shout something, and it sounded like Junsu,” he said. Kyuhyun shook his head.

“But why would he be here?” he asked. “This is Heechul’s party – oh,” he stopped. “It’s Heechul’s party. Of course he would invite them.” Changmin groaned and buried his head in the crook of Kyuhyun’s neck.

“I can’t deal with this,” he whispered. Kyuhyun nuzzled at his temple and pressed a kiss to the skin there, tightening his arms around the taller man’s shoulders.

“It’ll be ok, Min,” he murmured. “I’m right here, I’ll be behind you the whole time.” Changmin nodded and straightened. He looked down at his boyfriend and smiled. He reached up and ran his fingers through the other man’s hair. Kyuhyun leaned into his touch and closed his eyes, a small smile playing across his lips. Changmin leaned down and pressed his lips against Kyuhyun’s. Kyuhyun hummed and pressed up into Changmin’s body. They parted slowly and Changmin pressed their foreheads together for a moment, before standing straight and pulling Kyuhyun down the hall to the main room.

He stopped in the doorway to survey what was happening, flinching at the sight of the three members of JYJ, Yoochun and Junsu standing shoulder to shoulder and facing off with Jonghyun. Jaejoong was standing off to the side, arms crossed defensively over his chest. He was level with Yunho, but the space between them was obvious. They were studiously avoiding looking at each other, and it made Changmin's heart hurt as he remembered the bright smiles and easy laughs that had always been a hallmark of Yunho and Jaejoong’s relationship.

Kyuhyun watched as Changmin’s shoulders tensed. Kyuhyun squeezed his hand gently and smiled up at him when he looked down. He nodded and Changmin squeezed back and slowly made his way over to the knot of people at the centre of the room.

 

The room was silent. The band had stopped playing, and was staring at the group in the middle of the floor. Junsu’s eyes were narrowed, his fists clenched at his sides. He looked a little shocked at his own words, but he was determined to stand his ground. He had gone through too much with Jaejoong, and watched Jaejoong suffer and struggle to be happy and successful for too long to take anyone insulting and attacking him. Yoochun was next to him, quietly glaring, in total support of his younger bandmate.

Jonghyun was reeling. The colour had drained from his face as he stared at Junsu, terrified at what he was implying. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked finally, his words deafening in the total silence. He glanced around him, noticing the audience they had drawn, and taking in Key at his side, tense and staring at him.

“You know exactly what I mean, Jonghyun,” Junsu spat. “You’re not anywhere near as worried about Yunho and Jaejoong as you pretend to be. You’re just scared that you’ll end up just like them.” Jaejoong flinched at that, and Jonghyun seemed to pale even more. Key stared at his boyfriend, confused and worried.

“Shut up,” Jonghyun snarled. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t I?” Junsu asked, sneering. “You’re just attacking Jaejoong and preoccupying yourself with worrying about Yunho so that you don’t have to think about what you’re really afraid of.” Jonghyun, having gathered himself after the shock of Junsu’s accusation, scoffed.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. Yunho is my friend, and I watched him after you three left. He was devastated, and he barely managed to put himself back together. I _will not_ let you waltz back into his life, into all of our lives, as if nothing ever happened, and destroy him again! You don’t know what it was like! You don’t know what he and Changmin both went through!” At this point, Jonghyun was shouting, his face and shoulders tense. As he spoke, Junsu and Yoochun stiffened.

“What it was like for _them_?” Yoochun asked incredulously. “What do you think it was like for _us_? Do you think it was all smiles and laughs as soon as we left? Are you that naïve?” Jonghyun bristled and opened his mouth to reply, but Yoochun talked over him. “We had nothing but each other and our music. We had to start over from scratch, all while going head first against SM’s influence. Do you think it was _easy_?” he asked. By now, Jaejoong had slipped over to his bandmates, and he put his hand on Yoochun’s arm to pull him back.

“It’s ok, Chun,” he said. Yoochun pulled his arm away and shook his head.

“No, Jae, it’s not,” he said. Junsu nodded. “They’re blaming us, and _you_ , for everything that happened, and that’s not fair. Especially when it was Yunho who broke up with you, not the other way around.”

“Yoochun! That’s enough!” Jaejoong exclaimed.

“No, Jae, it’s not,” Junsu joined in. “I’m sick of this. Heechul invited us here, we have as much right to be here as all of them, and I’m not going to listen to them talk about how hard it was for them after we left, when we had it just as bad, if not worse, and it took years for you to get back to anything even resembling yourself after he broke your heart!”

“Junsu, you’re the one who was worrying about things getting messy if we came tonight, and you’re just making it worse! Come on, lets just leave,” Jaejoong said, pulling on Junsu’s arm.

“No, I want to stay, Jae,” Junsu said. He pulled away from the older man and turned back to Jonghyun, who was still fuming. Jaejoong groaned and stepped back. Junsu glared at him. “They obviously have never spent a moment thinking about what it might have been like for us, and they need to hear it.”

“Hear what?” Changmin’s voice was quiet. Junsu snapped his mouth shut, cutting off his next statement. He looked at Changmin apprehensively – if he would listen to anyone else on this subject, it would be Changmin. He hadn’t forgiven Yunho yet for breaking Jaejoong’s heart, and he fully intended to take him to task for it, but Changmin had been the one person of the five of them who hadn’t done anything at all.

Changmin was shaking. Kyuhyun was warm at his back, his grip on the taller man’s hand tight and reassuring. Part of him had never wanted to see his three former bandmates again, and that part of him was the one currently trembling and fighting not to run from the room, away from the pain of the good memories and the bad ones crashing together in his mind’s eye. But another part only wanted to have a chance to scream at them, to force them to see and understand what they had done. It was that part that was glaring at Junsu and joining in the argument.

Every eye in the room was on the young man, waiting for the inevitable explosion. Yunho moved slightly towards him, sensing danger. Changmin glanced at him once and shook his head, and he stilled.

“Hear what, Junsu?” he asked again. “What do you want to tell us? How hard it was for you to produce an album? How you couldn’t perform on TV?” He sneered. “We know that. We know what happened, we’ve seen the articles, heard the debates. Did you want us to hear how hard it was for Jaejoong? How he broke?” Changmin’s voice was steadily rising, and he took a step forward. “You think we haven’t thought about you? About what you must have gone through? You’re delusional. And you’re even more delusional if you think that we haven’t had just as hard a time as you, and if you think Yunho walked away unscathed just because he was the one who ended things.”

Junsu bristled. “You know all of that? _We’re_ delusional?! We almost couldn’t continue our careers! We couldn’t perform on TV, and we weren’t able to be active in Japan for three years. You know all of it?! You know what it was like to be turned away by every composer, every producer we went to?! Do you?! Do you know what it was like to watch Jaejoong break?! You don’t know any of what happened to us, Shim Changmin, so don’t patronize me, and tell me that you know what we went through.” As he spoke, Junsu had made his way across the floor, and was standing right in front of Changmin, staring up at him.

Changmin shoved the other man back and advanced on him. “Yes, you’re delusional. You think we didn’t worry about our careers? You think we didn’t receive any backlash when we came back? We almost decided it wasn’t even worth it to try! We didn’t know if there would be any support for us if we decided to produce an album, and when we did we had to relearn our singing methods to fill in for three missing voices! We had to relearn each other because you were suddenly gone!” Junsu rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to interrupt Changmin, but before he could the younger man shoved him back again. “Don’t interrupt me!” he cried. “You have no idea what we went through, what _I_ went through. You said you had to watch Jaejoong break? You think he had a hard time? Do you even know, did you ever stop to _think_ what Yunho went through?! I had to watch him question every memory he had of you three, and _especially_ Jaejoong. I had to watch him convince himself that it was all his fault that you left, that it was all something he had done wrong and that was why everything fell apart. You three were gone, and I was the only one left to make sure he didn’t self-destruct. And meanwhile, I was trying not to fall apart myself because three of my best friends had suddenly left, and I had no idea how to fill that hole!”

Changmin was breathing hard, his face pale as he finished his rant. All eyes were on him, shocked – he had never spoken about any of this with anyone but Kyuhyun, and hearing it all at once was overwhelming. Junsu seemed to have been cowed into silence; he was shaking and close to tears at hearing all that Changmin had to say. Beside him, though, Yoochun scoffed. He stepped past Junsu and pushed Changmin back a step. When he spoke, his voice was quiet.

“He thought it was his fault, did he?” he asked, his face twisted in an angry sneer. “He convinced himself that he had done something wrong?” Yoochun laughed once, a harsh bark of sound in the quiet room. “Our decision to leave the company may have had nothing to do with any shortcoming of Yunho’s, but he certainly did something wrong, and Jaejoong’s depression was absolutely his fault,” he hissed.

“Don’t you dare talk – ” Changmin started.

“What?” Yoochun interrupted the younger man, his voice much louder now. “Don’t talk about him like that? Why not? You were there, Changmin, you saw the last fight, you saw exactly what happened. Yunho came in and started yelling and never let Jaejoong explain himself. He decided things were over without ever hearing Jaejoong’s side of the story!” Changmin scoffed.

“His side of the story? The one that starts with him deciding that it was a good idea to go behind our backs and file a lawsuit, and then leave us to find out from company executives instead of respecting us enough to tell us yourselves?! That side?” he yelled. Yoochun glared.

“You should know us better, Changmin – we didn’t want to leave it that way, but you know exactly what that company is like.” he said. “They were pressuring us to stay quiet, so we did. I regret it, but don’t pretend that that makes the way Yunho handled that situation alright. Jaejoong had severe depression after that, and we had to watch him go through it. We didn’t know how to help him, but we were all he had!”

The back and forth was taking its toll on everyone, but most of all the two men standing apart, not looking at each other. None of the people invested in the argument were paying any attention to Jaejoong and Yunho anymore, to focused on the loud conflict happening in front of them. So when Yunho, his face pale and stricken, and his eyes bright, slipped away, no one but Heechul noticed. And when Jaejoong followed him quietly, Heechul was the only one to watch him go.

 

Yunho slipped into the hallway and leaned against the wall. He covered his face with his hands, his breath hitching as he tried to keep the tears in his eyes from streaming down his face. He had avoided thinking about Jaejoong, and what he might have gone through after the break up. He did regret how he had handled it, and he had spent a long time wishing that he could talk to the other man and at least get some kind of closure. He gasped and slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor.

Jaejoong stopped in the door to the hallway and stared at his former lover as he buried his head in his knees. “Yunho?” he said quietly. Yunho jerked his head up and stared up at Jaejoong. They stared at each other for a moment, each drinking the other in for the second time in three days. Yunho’s eyes were watering more, and he blinked to try and clear them.

“What?” he asked. His voice was rough, and Jaejoong’s heart hurt when he heard it. He took a step forward and reached out, but stopped when Yunho flinched back. “What do you want, Jaejoong?” Yunho asked. He was torn. Part of him wanted to leave, get away from the beautiful man in front of him. But part of him wanted to stay, and stare at Jaejoong for hours, just to re-memorize his features.

Jaejoong stood stock still. He desperately wanted to say something, to tell Yunho how much he missed him, that he still loved him, that all he wanted was to be in his arms again. But he couldn’t make himself talk, couldn’t bring himself to open his mouth and say those words. Because he did miss him, he did still love him, but he loved a memory. They had both grown and changed in the past five years, and even though in Jaejoong’s heart of hearts he believed that they were meant for each other, they still needed to relearn each other. And he had no way of knowing if Yunho even wanted to try, because of the two of them, Jaejoong had always been the one ruled by his emotions. Yunho had been the level headed one, the one who balanced out Jaejoong’s impulsiveness. But that also meant that Yunho didn’t always allow himself the freedom to act on his emotions, and in this situation that meant that he could very well avoid any attempt to rekindle their relationship.

So when Jaejoong opened his mouth and spoke, he didn’t blurt out how much he missed Yunho, or how much he loved him. “Did you really hate me?” he asked. Yunho raised his eyebrows.

“For about a day, yes,” he said. Jaejoong flinched. “I… I don’t anymore, though,” Yunho whispered. “Jonghyun was wrong about that. I’m sorry he attacked you.” Jaejoong shook his head.

“It’s alright. I’m glad you had people there for you,” he whispered.  Yunho nodded and turned his eyes to the floor.

“Jong really helped me. So did Changmin, but he was trying to deal with it, too, so he couldn’t always hold me up. That’s when Jonghyun, Heechul, and Donghae were there.” Yunho’s eyes watered more at the memories of the weeks and months just after the split, when every breath seemed to hurt, and every day felt years long. He wiped at his eyes impatiently.

“I’m sorry,” Jaejoong said suddenly. Yunho jerked his head up and stared at the other man, wide-eyed. Jaejoong wasn’t looking at him as he continued. “Not for leaving the company, I can’t be sorry about that, not when I feel more free than I ever have. But I am sorry that I didn’t tell you myself, before you had to hear it from someone else.” He turned to meet Yunho’s eyes again. “I really didn’t want to hurt you, Yunho, you have to know that,” he whispered. Yunho nodded.

“I do,” he said. “It just took me a while to realize it.” Jaejoong walked slowly to the wall opposite Yunho and slid down it to sit across from him. “Depression?” Yunho asked. “It got that bad?” He looked stricken. Jaejoong let out a long breath and leaned back. He nodded.

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I didn’t really know what to do besides fight for our right to make music, so I worked very hard on that. But I spent so much time on it that I didn’t try to deal with the fact that – ” he stopped and his breath hitched. He swallowed and blinked to clear his eyes of tears. “That you weren’t mine anymore,” he whispered. Yunho gasped and pushed his head back into his knees. He wanted to scream, to yell that he was always Jaejoong’s, that he always had been and always would be, but he knew that it was too much to say right now, when they were both upset and near to sobbing, in their first conversation since they broke up. He sat up and stared across the hall at Jaejoong. Their eyes met and they stared at each other for a moment before they both looked away.

The noise from the main room had grown to a roar by now and Yunho stood up slowly. “I should probably go check on Changmin,” he said. Jaejoong nodded and stood as well.

“I should get Junsu and Yoochun out of here. They’ll be upset,” he murmured. Neither of them moved. “Can we talk again sometime?” Jaejoong asked. He bit his lip. “I’ve missed you, and I don’t want to go another five years without seeing you.” Yunho stared at him for a moment, and then nodded slowly.

“Yeah,” he said. “We could meet up for coffee or something. I’d like that.” Jaejoong beamed, and it had been so long since Yunho had seen that smile in person, up close, that for a moment he couldn’t breathe. He had forgotten how beautiful Jaejoong was when he truly smiled. His breath whooshed out of him all at once and he took a half step forward. “Jae…” he whispered. Jaejoong cocked his head and raised an eyebrow.

“Yes?” he asked. Yunho took another half step toward the beautiful singer and clenched his fists. He wanted so badly to touch the other man, but he was afraid that that would lead to more than either of them were ready for. Then Jaejoong licked his lip and all bets were off.

“God, I want to kiss you so badly right now,” Yunho exclaimed, the words coming out on a rush of breath. Jaejoong gasped and fell back against the wall, shocked that Yunho, level-headed, calm Yunho had admitted to wanting to kiss him so soon after they had finished their first conversation in five years. He licked his lips again, a nervous habit, and jumped when he heard Yunho groan. Then there were hands on his cheeks and lips on his, and all he could think of was Yunho, Yunho’s smell, Yunho’s taste. Yunho surrounded him, just like he always had, and Jaejoong moaned into the kiss and slid his hands up into the taller man’s hair.

Yunho pressed as close to Jaejoong as he could, wanting to feel all of him, to memorise the planes of his body and the taste of his mouth. He had missed everything about Jaejoong, and in five years of hurt and anger and almost-hate, the memories of the sounds Jaejoong made when they kissed and the way that their bodies fit together had faded. He let one hand fall from the other man’s check to slide around his waist and hold him close. They kissed as if they were trying to make up for all the kisses they had lost by staying away from each other for five years. And then Jaejoong moaned Yunho’s name, quietly, and Yunho gasped and pulled away.

They stared at each other, their noses still almost touching, breath harsh and lips swollen. Jaejoong’s grip on Yunho’s hair tightened. He was afraid that Yunho would run, leave and never try to contact him again, and if that happened he wouldn’t survive it. He knew that they couldn’t just fall back into each other, pick up where they left off and ignore the rupture in their relationship. He knew that. But it would be so easy, so simple, to drag Yunho back to his apartment and fall into bed with him, right now. Jaejoong’s breath quickened at the thought and he pulled away quickly.

As soon as he let go, Yunho stepped back. His hand lingered on Jaejoong’s waist, but he finally pulled away. They stared at each other from opposite sides of the hallway for what felt like an age. Yunho’s hair was mussed from Jaejoong carding his fingers through it, and his lips were red. Jaejoong’s cheeks were flushed, and his eyes were bright, and he was biting his lip. Finally, Yunho shook his head and looked away. “I should go,” he said. Jaejoong nodded.

“Yeah,” he said quietly. Yunho turned and took three steps to the door and stopped. He turned back to Jaejoong, who hadn’t moved an inch. He had wrapped his arms around himself and was staring at the wall. When he heard Yunho stop, he turned and looked at him with wide, dark eyes. They were both reluctant to move, to leave the dim hallway where, if they wanted, they could forget that they hadn’t been together in five years.

Finally, Yunho shook himself and turned away. He left the hallway and re-entered the main room to make his way back over to the knot of people still arguing. Jaejoong took a deep breath and squared his shoulders, and then he followed Yunho back into the main room. He slipped in quietly, and made his way to the opposite side of the room. No one noticed their return, just like no one had noticed them go. Neither of them saw Heechul in the corner, watching them closely, with a  perfect view of the hallway where they had just been.

 

By now, the argument had turned into a free for all, with Junsu, Yoochun, Changmin, and Jonghyun all yelling at each other, and others joining in on each side intermittently. The violinist and the drummer of Mod81, both looking extremely confused, were leaning in to Shindong, who was explaining what had happened five years ago, the current situation, and all of the various arguments flying back and forth.

Yunho shook his head and waded into the middle of the large group to tap Changmin’s shoulder and throw an arm around him. “Come on, Min,” he said. “Let’s head home, I’m tired.” Changmin looked at him, searching his face for any sign of distress. If he noticed a flush or the state of Yunho’s hair, he didn’t say anything. He nodded slowly before ducking out from under Yunho’s arm and going to find Kyuhyun.

Yunho turned to look at Junsu and Yoochun warily. He smiled wanly, trying very hard not to show his stress and fatigue. It had been a long night and all he wanted was to go and fall into bed. Junsu’s face was pale and pinched, displaying his anger for all to see. Yoochun looked much the same, and Yunho took a deep breath to prepare for an argument. Before anyone could say anything, though, he saw Jaejoong over Junsu’s shoulder. The other man came forward and got the attention of the two younger men. He spoke quietly to them for a moment before gently pulling them away. He waved briefly to Heechul, who was smirking at the side of the room (everyone was fairly unnerved by this, but especially the members of Mod81, who weren’t used to it yet. The guitarist, a tall blond man who seemed perpetually dazed, was inching away from the slim singer slowly).

Yunho watched the three members of JYJ leave, and then he sighed and turned to find Changmin again. The younger man was standing in the same hallway Yunho and Jaejoong had just been in (Yunho shifted uncomfortably when he walked in, much to Heechul’s amusement), holding Kyuhyun close with his head buried in the shorter man’s neck.

“Changminnie?” Yunho asked. Changmin looked up and nodded. “Are you alright?” He nodded again before straightening completely.

“I’m fine,” he said quietly. He shrugged. “Well, I will be. You?” he asked. Yunho nodded.

“Same. I’m tired, though, so I want to head home. You coming, or do you want to stay longer?” Changmin shook his head.

“I’ll come with you. Can Kyuhyun come, too, though?” he asked. Yunho smiled tiredly and nodded. Kyuhyun ran over to Leeteuk to let him know what he was doing, and then the three of them made their way out of the party.

 

When they got back to Yunho and Changmin’s apartment, Changmin and Kyuhyun went to Changmin’s room right away. Yunho huffed a tired laugh at the two younger men and went into his own room and flopped down on his bed. He rolled over and felt his eyes closing on their own, his fatigue taking over. As he fell asleep, his last thought was of Jaejoong’s face just after he kissed him, flushed cheeks and bright eyes and red lips, and that image carried over into his dreams.


	7. Honesty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cowritten with a friend of mine. She wrote this chapter. 
> 
> The title is a SHINee song.

Jonghyun unlocked the door to their shared dorm slowly. No one had said a word since they had quickly exited Heechul’s party and he was terrified of the avalanche that would be released once they were inside. Key had not even graced him with a single glance since the argument came to an abrupt stop. He stood on the opposite side of the hallway, leaned against the wall, analyzing his cuticles.

Jonghyun took a shaky breath and swung the door open. He slipped out of his shoes quickly and shuffled to stand in the middle of the living room, turning to watch as the rest of the members scurried in behind him. Taemin glanced back and forth from Key to Jonghyun as Key came to stand near them. Taemin settled on the arm chair in the far corner of the room. Onew and Minho remained next to the front door giving each other nervous looks.

The air around them was so heavy with anxiety and anticipation that Jonghyun couldn’t take it anymore. He opened his mouth slightly to speak but then realized he had absolutely no idea what to say. His lips snapped back together and he ground his teeth. Key’s expression remained stone cold, Taemin caught eyes with Jonghyun and looked at him quizzically.

The silence was deafening. Jonghyun was pretty sure they had never been so quiet before. The boys of SHINee were always actively shouting at one another. Taemin was the first to break the silence with an awkward cough and a shift on the leather arm chair he was slowly sinking into. Minho scratched the back of his head, “Heechul sure knows how to throw a party” he chuckled but when he was met with four hardened scowls he hurried down the hallway towards his bedroom, Onew close behind.

Key turned back to stare at Jonghyun. His expression was somehow even more stone cold than it was before. Jonghyun swallowed dryly and looked sideways at Taemin who now had his headphones in and eyes closed. “I’m not going to speak first” Key deadpanned. Jonghyun’s breath caught in his throat as a lump formed in his chest. What could he say?

“I…” Jonghyun started, but Key cut him off harshly, “Please do explain Jonghyun. Explain to me what you were thinking and for the love of god explain to me what Junsu was yelling about.” Key had never sounded more furious in his entire life. But what Jonghyun didn’t know was that Key also felt numb.

Ever since their last fight Jonghyun had been feeling small parts of himself peeling away and he was getting worried that if this carried on much longer he would never be able to put himself back together. This is what Junsu was talking about. Jonghyun wanted to scream. He wanted to grab Key’s face in his hands and tell him how unbelievably terrified he was but he himself hadn’t even realized how scared he was until Junsu had smacked him across the face with it. Key tapped his foot impatiently and crossed his arms across his chest. The veins in his forearms visible due to the tension he was harboring. “Jonghyun!” He yelled sharply, pulling the older boy back from the edge and into reality. “You better fucking talk to me right now or…” he paused and clenched his jaw, “Or I don’t even know whats going to happen!” He threw his arms up over his head and proceeded to collapse on the couch.

Jonghyun hesitated but then lowered himself to sit next to Key. Key’s dark eyes and furrowed brow never left Jonghyun’s quivering stare. “Explain” Key snapped. Jonghyun took as deep a breath as he could muster. “What if…” he started. “What if?” Key mimicked him irritated. The cold hard wood floor was soaking through the bottom of Jonghyun’s feet and snaking its way up his legs where it settled in the pit of his stomach hissing and spitting ice. “What if” Jonghyun started again, looking deeply at the boy opposite him.

“God Jonghyun! Just spit it out already!” Key’s hiss mimicked that of the pit of Jonghyun’s stomach as it continued to slither its way up his throat and to his temple where it pulsed and escaped as a single drop of sweat that ran down the side of Jonghyun’s face.

Jonghyun’s throat felt like it was slowly filling with sand but he did his best to speak around the growing grains. “What if we become just like them?” he graveled. “What if something happens and everything we have built together for the last six years just goes to shit? What if I can’t put myself back together? What if…” He stopped when Key grabbed the flesh of his thigh, pinching him hard. “STOP” he said, he eyes wide and jaw set. Keys finger nails dug frantically into the fabric of Jonghyun’s jeans. “Stop” Key repeated, softer this time.

Both boys took a deep breath. Key’s expression settled for a moment but then returned to concrete so quickly Jonghyun wasn’t quite sure if he had just imagined it. “I can’t believe you would ever think that.” Key gritted his teeth, “I can't fathom how you could ever think that I would ever let anything happen to us.”

“This has nothing to do with you Key!” Jonghyun screeched in retort. “What if something happens completely out of our control? What if SHINee breaks up? What if…I don’t even know Key! Anything could happen.” Key looked agape at Jonghyun, confusion and disbelief apparent. “I can’t believe you Jonghyun” Key hadn’t used his full name in as long as Jonghyun could remember. He shivered slightly. Key retracted his hand from his lovers thigh. “I honesty have no idea where in the world you would ever get the idea that I would ever let anything hurt you, that I would ever let anything keep us apart from one another. Wherever you go I go Jonghyun or at least thats what I thought.” Key stood up. Jonghyun winced and shriveled back against the sofa, drawing his knees to his chest.

“I know you saw Yunho fall to pieces Jong but you are not him and we are NOT them. We will NEVER be them.” Key was pacing circles around the living room now. Taemin stirred from his light slumber in the arm chair as Key’s voice rose. He blinked his eyes open and looked at Jonghyun crunched into a ball on the sofa. He stood up and stretched, taking one earbud out slowly, “You are both fucking morons” Taemin whispered sternly and retreated to his bedroom finally leaving the two quarrelers alone.

Jonghyun was heaving now. In an attempt to keep back the sobs that were building steadily he buried his face deep in his knees again. He could hear Key’s heavy breathing and furious steps. Jonghyun choked silently, “Kibum” he said, muffled “The only reason I’m scared is because I can’t imagine how painful it would be to lose you.” His volume decreased as the sentence escaped his lips. Key stopped moving around and knelt down to meet Jonghyun face to face.

“Why can’t you trust me?” He fumed, “Have you never believed me all these years when I told you how much I love you?”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you!” Jonghyun uncurled himself. “I trust you Key. I just don’t trust the universe.” Key leaned in closer to Jonghyun until their noses were almost touching. “Bullshit” he whispered, standing up again quickly and moving backwards away from Jonghyun.

At the exact moment Key moved away from Jonghyun Minho burst into the living room, pillow in hand, and proceeded to chuck it mercilessly at Key’s head. “Can you both shut the fuck up?” Minho stood there in nothing but his boxers, steam rising off his angry skin. “You two have to fucking stop. RIGHT. NOW.” Minho took a step towards the other boys who were now both standing, startled by the other boy’s entrance. Taemin appeared suddenly behind Minho, also holding a pillow in hand and gave it a weak throw towards Jonghyun then proceeded to lace his arms around Minho’s waist and rest his head on his back. Key and Jonghyun forgot their fighting for a split second and raised their eyebrows at each other. Minho rolled his eyes and forgot both their pillows as he waddled back towards the bedroom, Taemin still attached to his back sleepily.

“Hey…” Key called after them, “you forgot your pillows…” Key jumped at Minho’s harsh and loud response, “we weren’t using them anyway!”

Jonghyun cleared his throat and turned back to glance at Key. They both had circles under their eyes the anxiety of the night beginning to settle into their physical features. Key sighed, “Jonghyun. If my telling you I love you and that I promise that nothing will ever happen isn’t enough then I don’t know if I can do this anymore.” Jonghyun stopped breathing. Key stared for a second and then moved to leave the room.

“Wait” Jonghyun yelped.

“I have nothing else to say to you.” Key disappeared down the hallway.

The next morning Jonghyun groaned as he rolled off his spot on the couch and hit the floor with a smack. Afraid of seeing Key’s face again he hadn’t gone back to bed that night but had tossed and turned on the sofa until his physical need to sleep took over. Jonghyun could hear the shower running and a humming melody drifting through the walls. “Key” he mouthed to himself. Onew, Minho, and Taemin wandered out of the kitchen and laid their eyes on the disheveled boy on the floor still in last night’s clothing. Onew stepped forward to help him up. “Wash up Jong” Onew said, “We have a filming in a couple hours.” Jonghyun nodded.

As he made his way back towards his room to collect clothing and a towel he distantly registered the shower turning off. On his way back towards the bathroom the door shot open, the scent of hot strawberries and vanilla melting into his nostrils. Without as much as a glance Key walked by still humming to himself, wrapped in a bathrobe Jonghyun hadn’t even known he owned, as Jonghyun stepped over the threshold into the steam filled bathroom and tears spilt over his eyes.

As the next few days passed Key continued to sing along to his own melody seemingly completely ignoring the distress of Jonghyun. Jonghyun watched as the younger boy continued to nail every dance routine and pose for every picture flawlessly. What he didn't know was that this was Key's only way of coping. Key knew that if he were to let himself feel anything for more than a second he would break down completely so he threw himself into his work. Jonghyun on the other hand was clearly off balance. He couldn't focus on anything despite the harsh yells from their choreographer and scolds from the stylists as he drifted off during performance preparations.  

Before he knew it a week had passed and then nearly two. He no longer cried at night when he was tucked into bed alongside one of the other three members, avoiding Key all together. Instead he was in a constant state of shock, always on the edge never sure if someone was going to come up behind him and give him a shove or if he would just give up and throw himself over the cliff. 

One night they were all filing out of a long day of filming into their dressing room when Jonghyun suddenly found himself and Key alone. The other three had been distant for the last couple weeks, Taemin clung to Minho ferociously and Onew just shook his head whenever he saw them. Minho ignored them all together. So, they had seemingly rushed to change back into their street clothes and avoid the bubbling black hole that was Jonghyun and Key. Jonghyun awkwardly looked over at Key who was slipping his own shirt back over his head. He was humming again, something that Jonghyun didn't recognize. 

He watched as Key collected his things from the dressing table and slipped on his boots. He was still glistening with sweat and Jonghyun couldn't stand how unbelievably beautiful he looked. As Key turned to exit the room Jonghyun made a snap decision and thrust his hand out to grab Key's wrist. Key froze. Neither of them turned to look at one another but stood there in silence, still as ice. "Key" Jonghyun breathed.

Before he could second guess himself Jonghyun flipped Key around harshly and smashed their lips together. Key's breath hitched in complete shock. This kiss was different than any they had ever shared. Instead of being full of tenderness and love it was laced with anger and distrust. Key's mouth was hard against Jonghyun's, refusing to blend perfectly with his movements. Jonghyun pulled away suddenly when Key placed a hand on his chest. "I'm sorry" Jonghyun whispered. "I just...I thought it was worth a shot. You look so beautiful. I love you Kibum." Jonghyun released Key from his hold and watched as the love of his life cocked his head to the side, gave him one last hard look, and then left the room.

As Key walked down the hallway towards the exit he swore to himself quietly. "Fuck" he thought, "I love you too Jong."  


	8. Here I Stand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-written with a friend of mine. I wrote this chapter.
> 
> Title is a TVXQ song.

Jaejoong arrived home after Heechul’s party in a daze. After he had pulled Yoochun and Junsu away from the argument and out of the room, he had drifted into his own world, replaying the kiss in the hallway over and over again. He vaguely recalled his two bandmates asking him worriedly if everything was all right, if he needed them to stay with him tonight. He vaguely remembered nodding and offering a noncommittal grunt in response. He could hear them in the living room, so they had evidently decided that they would stay with him. He smiled absent-mindedly as he walked slowly to his bedroom.

“Jaejoong?” Yoochun called from the living room. Jaejoong turned in the doorway of his room and looked back down the hall at the younger man. “Are you alright?” Yoochun asked. Junsu was behind him, looking over his shoulder with wide eyes. Jaejoong smiled softly and nodded.

“I’m fine, Chun, I promise. I’m going to go to bed now, though. You guys know where everything is if you want to stay the night, and I’ll make breakfast for you in the morning. Good night!” He waved quickly and then ducked into his room and shut the door. He sighed and leaned against the door heavily. He could still feel Yunho’s lips on his. The kiss had been heartbreakingly familiar, but new and exciting and strange as well, and he had wanted nothing more than to pull Yunho back to him when the other man had broken away, and continue kissing him as if the world was ending all around them.

Jaejoong shook his head sharply and let out a sharp exhalation of breath. He stepped away from the door and went into his bathroom to wash his face and begin getting ready for bed, all the while berating himself sternly for wanting to move so quickly, to jump past all of the issues and misunderstandings that needed to be discussed and cleared up. Because although they loved each other, and he knew that now, there was still a minefield of delicate conversations and revelations that needed to be navigated before they could fall into each other’s arms again.

Jaejoong sighed as he slipped off his shirt and pants before moving to his dresser to pull out sleep pants and a t-shirt. He slipped into the pants and then reached to the back of the drawer for the old faded black t-shirt that he had stolen from Yunho years ago. He had worn it a few days before they had left, and he had slipped it into his suitcase almost without thought. It had long since stopped smelling of the other man, but it still felt good to wear it.

He climbed into bed and stared at the ceiling. They had agreed to talk, to keep in contact. He hoped that the kiss meant that Yunho was willing to try for something more than friendship, for something like what they had before. For that, they would have to relearn each other; rediscover each other’s personalities, their likes, dislikes. It hurt a little, to know that Yunho was no longer the man who Jaejoong could read like an open book, who knew every twitch and turn of Jaejoong’s face and body and what they all meant; the man who read those cues like a musical score to know exactly where and what to be for the older singer. It hurt that they had missed so much of each other’s lives that they really didn’t know each other anymore.

But, Jaejoong told himself, he would get to fall in love with Yunho all over again. It was exhilarating, in the same way that standing on a cliff top was exhilarating – terrifying and surreal, but beautiful and priceless as well. Jaejoong sighed for what had to have been the millionth time that night and shook his head to clear it of waking nightmares that Yunho wouldn’t want to reconnect and rediscover, or that he would, and then wouldn’t like the person Jaejoong had become. He rolled over and closed his eyes, and as he fell asleep his head filled with thoughts of Yunho – Yunho laughing, smiling, crying, and dancing; Yunho holding him tight, kissing him softly, kissing him hard, pushing him down into a soft mattress and pulling him higher and higher before pushing him over the edge and falling with him. Yunho, always there to catch him and stand him back on his own two feet.

 

When Yunho, Changmin, and Kyuhyun arrived back at the apartment, Yunho walked in, took off his shoes, and went straight for his room. He shut the door with a snap, without a backward glance at the two younger men in his living room. Changmin stared after him for a moment, took one step in the direction of the door, and then groaned and turned toward the living room.

He strode inside and threw himself face first into the cushions. He could feel himself shaking, still, from the encounter with Yoochun and Junsu, and all he wanted was to go back and stop that fight before it happened. He groaned loudly into the couch cushions as the recollections of what had been said (screamed, a voice in his head remarked) forced their way to the front of his mind. He scrunched his eyes tight closed and tensed his whole body as he tried to get rid of the pictures on the backs of his eyelids and replace them with pleasant ones.

Kyuhyun followed his boyfriend into the apartment, and watched as he had his mini breakdown. Kyuhyun didn’t know how to feel about the party, and so had been very quiet the whole ride back. On the one hand, he knew that it had an unpleasant shock for all parties involved when JYJ showed up without warning, and without knowing that they would run into Yunho and Changmin while there. But on the other, Kyuhyun knew that all five of them needed closure, needed to have a conversation, a shouting match, anything – they just needed to talk to each other and say what they had to say.

Kyuhyun knew that Changmin would take this hard, that he would berate himself non-stop if someone didn’t put a halt to it. So he walked over to the couch and carefully stretched out over Changmin’s body. He laid his head in between the taller man’s shoulder blades and dug his fingers under his belly to hug him tight. As he wriggled around to get comfortable, Kyuhyun heard and felt Changmin laugh at him. He pushed his face into Changmin’s spine and muttered unintelligibly. Changmin laughed again, and then reached back and pushed Kyuhyun up off of his back. Kyuhyun whined at the displacement, but allowed it and pulled his arms out from under Changmin to help support himself as the other man wriggled around so that he was lying on his back. He pulled Kyuhyun down to lie on his chest then, and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. Kyuhyun smiled and kissed Changmin’s collarbone.

“Are you alright?” he whispered. Changmin sighed and shrugged his shoulders as best he could.

“I’m not sure,” he said quietly. “I wasn’t ready to see them again, not so soon after the music festival, and I certainly wasn’t ready to have that fight with them. I guess it’s good that it happened, and that we got some of it out into the open, but I wish it hadn’t happened that way.” Kyuhyun nodded.

“I’m here whenever you need me,” he said quietly. Changmin smiled.

“I know. I love you, baby,” he murmured into Kyuhyun’s hair. Kyuhyun smiled and pulled himself up Changmin’s body so that they were face to face.

“I love you, too,” he said, and then he kissed the man below him. Changmin tightened his arms around Kyuhyun and kissed him back. He felt the older man’s slender arms sneak around his neck and he pushed himself up a bit to lean on the arm of the couch. Kyuhyun whimpered into the kiss as Changmin pulled him flush against his chest. He clung to the younger man’s broad shoulders and moulded himself to his body. Changmin held onto him just as tightly, and when they finally broke apart, they were both panting and flushed.

“I love you,” Changmin breathed as he pressed his forehead to Kyuhyun’s. “And I’m so grateful to have you in my life.” Kyuhyun flushed more at the sentiment and pressed one more soft kiss to Changmin’s lips. Then he stood and pulled the taller boy off the couch after him. He smiled at him brightly as he walked backwards towards Changmin’s door, pulling the other man with him. Changmin laughed and lunged at him. He grabbed him around his waist and picked him up, and carried him into his room. He kicked the door shut, and pulled Kyuhyun onto the bed, and fell into his arms again.

 

Yunho was running on autopilot. He had had to, or he would never have been able to get Changmin out of that party. He went about his nightly routine quickly, efficiently, and was slipping between the sheets of his bed in no time. Once there, though, with no steps to count or routes to remember, his brain turned back on. And then he was groaning as he remembered Jaejoong; Jaejoong’s smile, Jaejoong’s eyes, Jaejoong’s body against his his, his lips, his skin, his everything. And then he was remembering the shouting and the clamour, and the pale, distressed faces of his dearest friends.

In hindsight, he should have realized that Heechul would orchestrate another meeting between all of them. The invitation to the party had come very quickly after the music festival, and as they left it, Yunho remembered that Heechul had pulled him aside and asked if he was alright. So it wasn’t surprising at all that the older man had decided to take things into his own hands and drag them all into the same space again. At the time, though, Yunho had never expected it.

He raked a hand through his hair, trying to make sense of the jumble of thoughts and strong feelings keeping him awake. He heard a door shut sharply and smiled, happy that Changmin had someone to help him deal with all of this. The younger man was completely innocent in this situation, and had been a rock for Yunho right after the split when he was floundering and unsure of what to do. He had tried to be there in the same way for the other singer, but for a while after he had been too lost to help anyone.

His thoughts shifted to Yoochun and Junsu. He remembered his and Jaejoong’s last fight with distressing clarity, and he remembered that it had happened in the open, in front of the other three. He knew it had been hard on them, and he hoped they had been able to lean on each other in the days after that fight.

As he lay in the dark, his thoughts shifted again, back to Jaejoong. Had he really been hit so hard by their break up? He had thought about it before, when he saw a glimpse of the other three on the TV or on the internet, and noticed the oldest looking exhausted and thin. He had wondered if Jaejoong thought about them, if he missed him, if he missed Changmin whining for food. But he had never imagined that the older man would become depressed, and it hurt to imagine that he had.

Yunho shook his head sharply. It would do no good to dwell on the past, especially when he didn’t really know all of what had happened. He forced himself to stop wondering about what they had all gone through, and his mind filled the empty silence in his head with remembering kissing Jaejoong in the hallway. He groaned at the memory. He couldn’t believe he had acted so rashly. He was always the more level-headed of the two of them, the one who was most careful about public displays of affection. But then, Jaejoong always had been able to drive him crazy enough to be reckless.

Yunho felt his eyes prick as he remembered the kiss. He had almost forgotten the way Jaejoong kissed: with all of himself, as if his whole life was riding on that one kiss. He had forgotten the way he felt in his arms, the way he pressed himself against Yunho’s body and wrapped his arms tight around him. He closed his eyes against the memories, but behind his eyelids they were just more vivid.

Yunho rolled over and wiped his face of runaway tears and tried to settle down to sleep. He closed his eyes and tried to even his breathing. There would be time later to think about this, to figure out how he felt about all of it. There would be time to talk to Jaejoong about it, and time to talk to Junsu and Yoochun as well, hopefully. He sighed and burrowed down into his bed.

 

The next morning, Jaejoong got up and made breakfast for Junsu and Yoochun. The last few days had brought a lot of memories to the surface, and being in the kitchen cooking for groggy band mates made him smile at memories of Changmin shuffling into the kitchen and leaning against his back to whine until he was pushed down to sit at the table and food was placed in front of him.

Junsu and Yoochun sat down at the kitchen table and watched Jaejoong move around it to make them food. “How did you sleep, Jae?” Yoochun asked. Jaejoong turned and smiled at him as he brought food over to them.

“Fine,” he said. “Are you two ok?” he asked. He was worried about them after that fight. “I know last night was tough.” Junsu sighed and put his forehead on the table.

“I’m fine,” he said quietly. “I’ll be fine.” Jaejoong smiled and patted Junsu on the back. He looked at Yoochun to make sure he was alright. The other man nodded and then turned his attention to the food.

“Let me know if you need anything, both of you, ok?” Jaejoong said. Junsu smiled at him and nodded.

“You’re ok, too, right?” Yoochun asked. He was worried about the effect the argument would have had on the older man. But Jaejoong smiled brightly at him and nodded.

“I’m fine, Chun. Really,” he said. He stood from the table and went to wash the dishes. “Now eat, we have things to do today!” he said as he went. Yoochun watched him go with narrowed eyes, not convinced that he was alright at all. Junsu nudged him gently to get him up and moving so that they could get ready for the day. They glanced at each other, both worried about the older man. They glanced toward the sink where Jaejoong was humming quietly to himself as he washed the dishes. Yoochun sighed and pulled Junsu out of the room. The older singer wouldn’t tell them anything even if they asked at this point, so all they could do was keep an eye on him.

 

Yunho flopped to the ground in the dance studio, panting. He was exhausted from near-constant, strenuous practices over the last two weeks combined with restless sleep, when he could get any at all. He had been preoccupied with thoughts of Jaejoong, and their kiss, ever since Heechul’s party. Every time he closed his eyes, Jaejoong’s face swam behind his eyelids, and every time he fell asleep, he dreamed of the other man’s kisses and tears.

They had agreed to talk again soon, to keep in contact and not let another five years of silence go by. But they had forgotten, in the rush of emotions and confusion following the kiss in the hallway, to exchange phone numbers, and so Yunho hadn’t spoken to Jaejoong since.

He rolled his head to the side when Changmin flopped down beside him and let his head fall on Yunho’s shoulder. He smiled. “Doing alright, Min?” he asked. The younger man groaned and shook his head as much as he could without having to lift it.

“No, you slave driver,” he said. “I’m exhausted thanks to your insistence on more and more practice even after we’ve been going nonstop for hours.” Yunho laughed and patted Changmin’s knee.

“Sorry, Minnie,” he said. Changmin grunted and muttered that he didn’t believe him. He sat up slowly and looked over at Yunho.

“You ok?” he asked quietly. Yunho had been restless and wired ever since Heechul’s party, and Changmin was sure it had something to do with Jaejoong. He was worried that something had happened while he had been arguing with Yoochun and Junsu, and he didn’t know how to broach the subject with the older man. Yunho smiled at him and nodded.

“I’m fine,” he said. Changmin just stared at him sceptically. “I promise, Min. I’m a little shaken from seeing the three of them twice in four days, but I’m alright.” Changmin stared at him for another moment before he sighed and nodded.

“Fine,” he said as he and Yunho stood up to continue their practice. “Just…” he stopped. Yunho turned back to face him from the centre of the room, head cocked inquisitively. Changmin rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Just remember you can talk to me anytime, ok?” he said in a rush. Yunho smiled.

“I know, Min,” he said. “Now come on, we have work to do.” Changmin groaned and slouched over to stand in front of the mirrors again.

 

Later that night, when they arrived home, Yunho threw himself onto his bed and closed his eyes. He had been thinking a lot over the past two weeks, and he wanted to see Jaejoong again. He let his breath out in a rush as he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. He wanted to see the other man, talk to him, rediscover his quirks and habits, relearn his facial expressions and body language. He wanted to bring the other man back into his life, and back into Changmin’s life, and then reach out and pull Yoochun and Junsu back as well. He missed them dearly, and as much as Changmin tried to hide it in snark and prolonged anger, he knew the younger man missed them, too.

He was brought out of his thoughts by his phone buzzing. He pulled it out and glanced at the display before answering. “Hey, Jong,” he said.

“Hi, Yunho.” Yunho frowned at the subdued tone of voice on the other end of the line.

“Are you alright, Jong?” he asked quietly. He heard a bitter laugh and sighed. “This is about you and Key, isn’t it?” Jonghyun grunted in assent. Yunho waited silently, knowing that the other man would start when he was ready.

 

Jaejoong needed to get out. Yoochun and Junsu had pretty much moved in with him, and one or the other was with him almost constantly. They seemed to think that he would self-destruct if they left him alone for so much as a moment, and so were determined to monitor him 24/7. And while Jaejoong appreciated the sentiment, and was touched at the care they were displaying for him, it was stifling, and all he wanted to do was get some time for himself, so that he could think and breathe.

This was why he was currently peering around the corner into the living room of his own apartment to see if his watchdogs were looking his way. They were sitting on the couch, watching TV and eating some snacks Jaejoong had prepared earlier that day. There was a straight shot path to the front door behind them, and the TV was loud enough that they shouldn’t hear the door. They thought he was taking a nap, so they wouldn’t be listening for anything, either.

Feeling only slightly ridiculous – he had done stranger things in the name of publicity – Jaejoong got down on his hands and knees and crawled out into his living room. He crawled slowly across the floor, keeping as close to the back of the couch as possible, and cheered internally as he reached the entry way. He crawled around the corner into the hall and out of sight and stood up. He slipped his shoes on, turned the door handle all the way, pushed it open, and then closed it as quietly as possible, before rushing down the hall and into the elevator. Once he was out of his building, he put on sunglasses and set off into town. When he had made it several blocks away from his apartment block he sent a quick text to Yoochun saying that he was fine, but needed some air and would be back later.

He wandered. Jaejoong had always found that his best thinking happened when he was wandering, and he loved to meander through Seoul. As he walked, he thought about Yunho, about his kisses, about his arms and how it felt to have them tight around you. About his laugh, and his smile, and his glare. About his love, and his anger, and his confidence, and his fear. He thought about their relationship as it had been before the split, and about the years after that, and about the kiss in the hallway at Heechul’s party.

Over the past two weeks, he had gone over that memory in detail dozens of times, and he was close to madness. He wanted desperately to kiss Yunho again, and again and again, right away, without dealing with any of the hard emotional talks, but he knew that if they wanted anything healthy to start between them, they couldn’t do that.

He knew that they both needed to get things off their chests, and they both needed to hear the other side of the story. On top of that, they had both grown up and changed in the five years since they had last seen each other, and they needed to take the time to get to know each other again.

When Jaejoong came out of his thoughts, the sun was low in the sky, and he was in front of Hong Seok Cheon’s restaurant. He smiled and walked in to get something to eat. He pulled out his phone and rolled his eyes at the barrage of text messages and missed calls from his bandmates. He wasn’t _that_ unstable, honestly. He smiled anyway and sent a short text reassuring them that he was alright and would be home later that night. He stared out the window and leaned on his hand as he waited for the drink and snack he had ordered. The sky was the dark blue of twilight, and he imagined he could see the stars that the light from the street lamps erased.


	9. Hello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cowritten with a friend of mine. She wrote this chapter. 
> 
> Title is a SHINee song.

Key wandered up and down the hallway occasionally stopping to rest his forehead against the wall and sigh. Jonghyun was laying just beyond the door at the end of the hall in the boy’s joint bedroom. Key had gone out for the day with a couple of friends and come back to find the door locked. 

 

He lifted his forehead from its place on the wall before it could sprout roots and he would be stuck there forever. He stared anxiously at the white door before him. He had passed through it so many times before but for some reason looking at it now, it held an air of danger and impassability. He imagined Jonghyun laying on their bed staring up at the ceiling, or maybe he was lucky and was drifting away from here into a better dream. 

 

Key clenched and unclenched his fists, eyes still trained on the grains of soft wood that separated him from the boy that was causing him so much distress. Key kept thinking back to the moment a couple days ago when Jonghyun had surprised him with a harsh kiss in their dressing room. It’s true that he had been shocked but he had also longed to return the favor. He wished he could have brought himself to fall into the other man’s arms and let him kiss away everything that had happened between them. But he couldn’t. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t. 

 

He slowly took step after step until he was inches away from the door in front of him. Reaching his hands out he pressed his palms to the barrier and listened quietly to see if he could hear anything from the other side. The muffled sound of movement caught his ears. So, he thought, Jonghyun must be pacing, just like him. But then the muffled shuffles were melded into the grumbles of someone on the phone. 

 

Key sighed and turned around, leaning his back against the door, wondering who Jonghyun could possibly be talking to. A door to the left up the hallway creaked open and Taemin sauntered out in nothing but his boxers rubbing sleep from his eyes. Everyone was sleepy on their days off. The younger boy swept his eyes over Key and then continued on his way to the bathroom. 

 

Key peeled himself off the door and groaned walking slowly towards the front entrance. Maybe a walk would help clear his mind, at the least it would give him more than this single hallway to wander. Taemin burst out of the bathroom and slumbered back across the hall. Before he could close his door completely Key caught a glimpse of a sleeping Minho sprawled out across Taemin’s bed, he smirked inwardly, wondering if the two younger boys had any idea what was happening between them. 

 

Continuing down the hallway into the common space Key grabbed his jacket off the couch where he had haphazardly thrown it earlier, slipped on his shoes, and pulled the door shut behind him. 

________

 

Minho rolled over as he felt the bed dip beside him symbolizing the return of his best friend. Taemin yawned loudly and crawled back under the covers absentmindedly running his foot along Minho’s leg. Minho smiled as Taemin inched closer, the younger’s warm back pressing into his chest, he smelled of sleep and peppermint, a sure sign that he had snuck away to brush his teeth. Minho chuckled, Taemin’s little insecurities were absolutely adorable. The older boy lightly traced his fingers down the smaller boy’s shoulder all the way to his finger tips. He looked so beautiful in the dwindling evening light. 

 

Taemin let out a comforted groan and rolled over to face Minho. His eyelashes fluttered open as his dark hair fell across his face. Minho reached up to brush the tickling tendrils out of the way. Taemin smiled softly and leaned forward so his forehead was resting on Minho’s nose. “You seem like you’re in a better mood this evening” Taemin spoke. “I haven’t seen you smile like that for a while.” Minho scowled playfully and let his fingers dance through the silky hair of the younger. 

 

“I know you’ve been really stressed out” Taemin continued,“Key and Jonghyun aren't exactly the most hospitable people to be around right now.” Minho grunted in response and pulled Taemin closer. “I just can’t stand seeing them like this. I don’t even have anything to say to them. I think its all ridiculous. Just kiss and make up already!” Taemin looked at Minho quizzically. “Is that all it takes? A kiss?” The younger spoke softly. He could feel Minho’s eyes on him but he set his gaze on the larger boys chest. 

 

They had laid like this many times before. The two boys had always enjoyed each other’s company and as that friendship grew they found comfort in spending nights staying up late talking and falling asleep beside one another. Before either of them knew it they were shimmying into each other’s arms. Furthermore, it wasn’t even the state of undress they were in, both in nothing but their boxers, that had Taemin suddenly questioning himself and what he wanted. As Taemin lay there memorizing the curves of Minho’s chest muscles he was overcome with the want to touch him. He didn’t completely understand why but he knew it was what he needed. 

 

Minho had also remained silent after Taemin had asked his quiet question, going through a revelation of his own. He had always found fascination in the way Taemin looked at the world and he had always loved to watch the younger boy dance, thoroughly impressed by his lack of bones. He had never questioned their nighttime cuddling or what it meant, he just knew it felt good, it felt right, and so he continued to pull the spindly boy into his arms night after night. 

 

Taemin glanced up and into the dark auburn eyes of his friend. He wasn’t exactly sure what he wanted or what he was doing as he reached his long fingers out to brush against the other’s cheek. Minho locked eyes with Taemin and lifted his hand to cover the smaller one drawing it over his lips and kissing each finger gently. Taemin blushed deeply. The soft press of Minho’s lips against his fingers was the last thing he needed to know exactly what he wanted. 

 

In one swift motion Taemin rolled over on top of Minho. The older boy’s breath hitched as he accustomed himself to the new weight. Without a second thought he reached his arms around and interlaced them behind the smaller boy’s back, pulling their bare chests together. They could both feel each other’s heart beats quickening in a state of mutual confusion and realization. 

 

Taemin leaned forward, their noses brushing against one another. Minho pushed forward to place a small kiss on the other boy’s cheek. Neither of them moved, analyzing what their next course of action should be. Taemin pulled back slightly to meet Minho’s eyes again and when he found the same fascination he was feeling behind them he took the biggest step he possibly could and leaned in to press his lips to Minho’s. 

 

They lay there frozen to one another for a moment until they could process what was happening. Taemin was giddy with pleasure, the feeling of Minho’s lips against his was the most wonderful thing he had ever experienced. It was quickly clear that the elder felt the same way as his hands moved from Taemin’s back up to his neck and then tangled in his hair. Minho began to move beneath Taemin and he responded heatedly even daring to graze the tip of his tongue between Minho’s parted lips. Minho moaned into Taemin’s mouth and pushed to flip them over so he was now pressing himself into Taemin and Taemin into the bed. 

 

The younger giggled excitedly and wrapped his legs around the other’s waist. “So” he grinned “what exactly does this mean?” he bit his lip playfully. Minho smiled and leaned in to press a kiss to Taemin’s ear “All it takes is a kiss, Tae” he whispered. 

 

________

 

Key dragged his feet across the sidewalk, zigzagging slowly through the back streets of the city, hoping no one would recognize him and interrupt his thought process. The sun was setting quickly, it would be dark soon. Key knew he shouldn’t be out this late by himself but he didn’t care. He needed to get away from the toxic puddle that was the dorm. He was beginning to forget what it felt like to touch Jonghyun, to kiss him. It was terrifying to Key and he longed to reconnect, to remember what it felt like to have Jonghyun’s bare chest against his. 

 

Key stopped suddenly when he heard the bustling of plates and muted laughter soaking through the walls of a nearby restaurant. It was an establishment that Key had been to so many times before, often with Jonghyun. The sight of Hong Seok Cheon’s restaurant brought glimpses of giddy memories to Key’s mind. He smiled to himself and nearly jogged to the door. 

 

Pushing into the warm scene before him Key relaxed a little as he was lead to a small table in the back of the room. This was often a place that idols frequented so he was not surprised when he passed a couple familiar faces. What did surprise him however, was the one familiar face that was sitting alone at the table in the corner next to the one he was sitting down at. 

 

Jaejoong looked tired, but not as distraught as he had looked a couple weeks ago at Heechul’s party. There was a small spark in his eyes now that brought a sliver of hope to Key’s currently hopeless mind. Key slid into his seat and leaned over slightly to place a light tap on Jaejoong’s shoulder. The older man glanced up beneath his dark red bangs. He smiled lightly when he met eyes with the younger boy. 

 

“Long time no see” Key chuckled. 

“Hah” Jaejoong responded. 

“You look better” Key cocked his head to the side. “I don’t know what it is but something’s changed.” The corner of Jaejoong’s lip turned up slightly, “I suppose I feel a little bit better.” Key nodded and moved to sit across from his old friend. 

“You on the other hand” Jaejoong continued “You don’t look so great yourself Kibum.” Jaejoong’s voice was gentle and layered with concern. It had been a long time since him and Jaejoong had sat at this restaurant together and talked about their lives, but Key welcomed the chance to relay his feelings to someone who had once helped him so profoundly. 

 

“Yeah” Key responded, propping his elbows on the table and leaning his face into his hands. “Talk” Jaejoong’s tone was demanding now. Key took a deep breath. 

“Well…” he didn’t really know what to say. He hadn’t spoken to Jaejoong like this in years and he had no idea where to start. “I noticed” Jaejoong interrupted him, “You and Jonghyun seemed off at the party.” 

 

Key nodded and locked eyes with the other man. “I love him Jae. I love him more than I ever thought was possible. But I don’t know if I can be with someone who doesn't trust me, someone who is constantly afraid that something bad is going to happen.” Key paused and traced circles on the table with his finger. “Someone like that can’t give me all of them.” Jaejoong placed a comforting hand on Key’s knee. 

 

“I understand where you are coming from Kibum. But remember, I know what it feels like to loose the person you love most.” Key sighed and apologized. “No need to apologize” Jaejoong smiled carefully. “Just think about it this way, the reason Jonghyun is so afraid is because he _has_ given you all of him. In fact he has given so you much of himself that he is terrified of what might happen if he were to loose you. He knows he couldn’t live without you so the prospect of anything ever happening scares him.” Key glanced tentatively around himself watching the to and fro of the waiters carrying trays stacked with delicious looking food. He licked his lips, he hadn’t realized just how hungry he was. 

 

“The universe has already worked its magic Key. Now it’s up to you to help keep it that way.” Jaejoong’s hand slipped off of Key’s knee after giving it a gentle squeeze. “Do you…” Key started, “Do you remember what it was like to be with Yunho?” Jaejoong stiffened. “Sorry…I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just find myself grasping for what it feels like to touch Jjong and that terrifies me.” Jaejoong chuckled. “Key, you’re just as scared as Jong is. The difference is that he is letting it consume him. Help him to understand that you are scared to and that no matter what happens you will always be there because you couldn’t live without him either.” Key scowled and turned to face Jaejoong one last time. 

 

“I’ve already tried that! I’ve tried telling him so many times Jae.” Jaejoong placed a warm hand on Key’s shoulder. “Actions speak louder than words Key.”

 

________

 

Jonghyun collapsed backwards onto the bed grasping his cellphone to his ear listening to his friend’s steady breathing on the other side. “I didn’t know who else to call.” Jonghyun sighed. “I just…I needed to talk and the one person I want to talk to most is the one causing me distress.” Yunho laughed softly. “Life is complicated sometimes isn't it Jong?” Jonghyun rolled his eyes. 

 

“Do you remember the first time you realized you loved Key?” Yunho asked. Jonghyun rolled over onto his side and pulled his knees to his chest. A knot was forming in his chest and he was worried it would stay there forever. “Yeah…” he breathed quietly. 

“Think about it Jong. Think about how that felt.” Jonghyun relaxed a little as he pictured his lover’s bright smile and playful hips. He had always loved Key from the moment he saw him, he just hadn’t been aware of it at the time. But then Jonghyun remembered the night he had come back from Yunho’s apartment and found Key in the living room. The night when Key had taken the first big step and formed their mouths together. The night when Jonghyun had reached the point of no return and had fallen completely in love with his best friend. “I remember” Jonghyun whispered. 

 

“Good. Now think about what you want _right now_.” Yunho responded. Jonghyun was silent for a moment remembering the first time he had ever run his fingers over Key’s soft chest, the first time he had ever placed a kiss on Key’s stomach, the first time they had ever made love. That’s what he wanted. He wanted to show Key just how much he loved him and he wanted the other boy to accept him for everything that he was. “I know” Jonghyun said a little louder this time. 

Yunho laughed, “If it’s what I think it is I really don’t need to hear about it.” Jonghyun scoffed and laughed along with his friend. It felt good to laugh, he hadn’t gotten that opportunity for a while. Once the laughter stopped Yunho spoke up again, “Jonghyun, I know what it’s like to loose the one you love most and believe me it was and still is the most pain I will ever have to go through. But you can’t let that hold you back. You can’t let the fear that something might happen consume your every waking moment because then it will consume your relationship and the thing you fear most will be your fault.” Jonghyun’s entire body convulsed. He had never played with the idea that it could ever be his own fault that him and Key could end up without one another. Tears welled up behind his eyes. How could he have been so stupid? 

 

Yunho sighed. “I’m betting you that Key is just as scared as you are Jong. You guys are young, you're in love, and what was meant to happen has happened. Now it’s your turn to keep the momentum and never let go. You and Key will _never_ go through what Jaejoong and I went through. I know that.” Jonghyun tasted saline on his lips as he stared blankly outside the window. The sky had greyed over and now there were gentle raindrops caressing the window sill. Jonghyun said goodbye and hung up the phone just as he heard the front door unlock. 

 

_____ 

 

Yunho grunted as he lifted himself off his bed and walked slowly towards the kitchen. Changmin was lazily reading a magazine on the sofa while Kyuhyun was dozing peacefully with his head in Changmin’s lap. “Hey” Changmin said softly as to not wake his lover. Yunho smiled and nodded and moved to sit at the kitchen counter and chug down a glass of water. Glancing down at the phone in his hand he toyed with it, flipping it up and down as he thought about the conversation he just had with Jonghyun. Maybe he should take some of his own advice, he thought. Unlocking the home screen he found himself lazily scrolling through his list of contacts and slowed slightly when he reached the letter J. He knew nothing would be there but he still looked at each contact carefully not entirely sure of what he wished would happen. 

 

A shot of adrenaline pulsed through Yunho’s veins when his finger landed on an all too familiar name. _Jaejoong_ shone out at him like a neon sign advertising something Yunho was simultaneously intensely excited about and terrified to discover. Yunho frantically scrambled to figure out how in the world his exe’s number was now residing in his cell phone. He cursed quietly as he vaguely remembered the sensation of something being slipped from his back pocket at the party last weekend. _Heechul_ he scowled to himself. It must have been Heechul. Yunho cursed silently again and rose from his seat, glancing sideways at Changmin and Kyuhyun who were now both sound asleep on the sofa and went back to his room to collapse into bed. 

 

 

 

 

 


	10. Love Like Oxygen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cowritten with a friend of mine. She wrote this chapter. 
> 
> Title is a SHINee song.

Key sauntered heavily through the front door and flung off his shoes, not even bothering to take off his jacket. He felt better now after having talked to Jaejoong but he was beginning to worry it was too late. He was afraid that Jonghyun wouldn’t want to talk to him, that he wouldn’t even get to say that he was sorry. 

 

As if on cue Key heard a doorway down the hallway to his right swing open. He looked up to see who the culprit was and his breath caught in his throat when he saw Jonghyun standing shirtless in sweatpants in the doorway to their bedroom. He took a couple steps forward towards Key and then raised his hand, beckoning to the younger boy to come forward. Key was hesitant at first but quickly hovered down the hallway to meet Jonghyun. 

 

Key’s hair was damp from walking home in the rain and Jonghyun licked the corner of his mouth as Key shook his head causing the wet strands to stick across his forehead. As Key entered the room Jonghyun shut the door behind them. Key turned to look at the eyes of his lover for the first time in days. They were red and swollen from crying and Key instantly wanted to rush forward and kiss it all away but he held himself back. 

 

Jonghyun stepped forward until he was standing inches away from Key. The younger boy didn’t budge, he just looked down at the older with curiosity. “Um…” Jonghyun’s voice was gravely. Key reached out to trace a single finger across Jonghyun’s forearm. “I’m sorry” they said together. “Jinx!” Jonghyun giggled quietly. Key was filled with happiness at the sight of Jonghyun laughing he hadn’t seen his smile in far too long. Key laughed in return and placed his palm flat against Jonghyun’s chest. “I am so sorry Jjong” Key spoke staring into other’s gentle eyes. “Me too” Jonghyun whispered, “Kibum, I love you. I love you more than anyone has ever loved anyone.” He moved forward and reached his hand up to trickle his fingers slightly over Key’s cheek. “I love you too Jjong.” Key smiled, he was happier than he had been in weeks and the feeling of Jonghyun’s warm chest under his hand was beginning to distract him. 

 

Jonghyun ran the pad of his thumb over Key’s right eyebrow and across the one stubborn spot that refused to grow hair, biting at his bottom lip. “You’re so beautiful. This is my favorite spot on your body” he said matter of fact. Key’s eyes locked on to Jonghyun, “Is that so?” He inched closer, swaying his hips slightly as he did so, this bright blonde hair softly falling over his eyes, “Maybe I can change your mind.” Key raised his eyebrows and lifted his finger to trace along his own bottom lip. Jonghyun’s pupils blew wide and he moved his hands to slide Key’s jacket off his slender shoulders.

 

After six years of practice they had gotten incredibly good at pushing each other’s buttons, knowing exactly where to touch the other to drive them crazy. Key’s hands found Jonghyun’s waist as he pushed their bodies closer. He wasn’t forceful, but soft, as they had spent weeks fueling hate towards one another and he needed to take it slow, to feel every twitch and breath that Jonghyun’s body released. Jonghyun stood completely frozen. He was certain he had never seen anything more beautiful than Key at that exact moment. His dark brown eyes trailing along every curve of Jonghyun’s face and neck as he took in the older boy. Jonghyun’s breathing hitched as Key traced his fingers gently underneath the hem of his t-shirt to find the soft flesh of his lower back. 

 

Taking a deep inhale Jonghyun pushed forward testing the waters and when Key didn’t budge he lifted his shoulders to guide his hands to either side of his lovers face. Key smiled softly and leaned into Jonghyun’s right hand, tilting his head to the left slightly and letting his eyes flutter closed. Jonghyun suddenly realized he had never let out the breath he had previously taken in. He let it escape his lungs slowly as he pushed the boy standing in front of him softly backwards until the backs of his knees gave out under him as they hit the bed. Leaning over him Jonghyun pushed Key further up the mattress until they were both fully supported and Jonghyun was floating over him. He gazed deeply into Key’s eyes looking for any sense of insecurity but when all he found was eager love he decided it was safe to continue and carefully placed his lips against the corner of Key’s mouth. 

 

Key’s breath tickled Jonghyun’s face as the younger reached up to wrap his arms around his neck. Jonghyun continued to place soft kisses across Key’s cheek until he reached his ear. Moving his tongue along the outside he diligently traced circles around each piercing, stopping at his lobe to take the cool metal between his lips and suck gently. A low moan escaped the back of Key’s throat and his grip tightened on the boy that still hovered above him, hoping desperately for more contact. Without any hesitation Jonghyun gave in and sunk to press his chest flat against Key’s. He could feel their hearts beating hard and quick as heat began to radiate between them. 

 

Jonghyun leaned back slightly to gage the look on the other’s face. Key’s pupils were wide, flames of lust flickering across them. Key smiled, “It’s okay” he said, running a finger down Jonghyun’s temple to his cheek. Jonghyun swallowed and moved forward again to bring their lips together. At first the touch was light. He gave Key feathery kisses across his bottom lip until the other couldn’t take it anymore and forced him down to intensify the connection. 

 

It felt like forever since their lips had met like this. Jonghyun groaned causing his lips to vibrate and Key to run his hand down Jonghyun’s back and not stop until he was pressing his fingers even lower. Jonghyun sunk deeper wishing he could meld his body with the other’s. The need to be closer and closer was growing rapidly. 

 

Suddenly Key bit not so gently at Jonghyun’s bottom lip causing the older to jerk back slightly. Key smiled and held him against his chest slipping his tongue through the other’s lips to trace the roof of his mouth. This time Jonghyun audibly moaned and Key returned the favor as Jonghyun tangled his fingers in his hair. They stayed like this for a long time a mess of lips and tongues and teeth as if they both wanted to go even deeper but couldn’t figure out how. 

 

Jonghyun gently removed his mouth from Key’s and ran his tongue down his neck to his collar bone where he began to suck leaving hot blue bruises behind. Key bucked his hips upwards then let himself relax slightly to allow Jonghyun to move between his legs. At this point neither boy could have said a coherent word as Key could clearly feel Jonghyun hardening against the inside of his thigh. 

 

Jonghyun pulled Key back for a moment to slide his hands under the younger boy’s shirt and slip it over his head, pushing him back down forcefully. Key grumbled in pleasure as Jonghyun moved his tongue lower to grace his nipples and then his navel. Pausing there for a moment he worked his hands on Key’s exposed hip bones and playfully dipped beneath the waist band of his jeans. “Jjong” Key breathed. “Mmm” Jonghyun hummed against Key’s lower abdomen. 

 

Grazing his teeth over Key gently, he undid the top button on his jeans and grabbed the zipper between his lips. With one swift movement Jonghyun wrapped his fingers under the waist band and pulled down, tossing Key’s jeans to the floor. The younger gasped as Jonghyun’s hot breath came into contact with his clothed arousal only intensifying his need. 

 

Jonghyun placed more feathery kisses along Key’s hipbones and over his boxers. Key’s hands were in Jonghyun’s hair and he pulled hard when Jonghyun threw the next item of clothing to the floor leaving one of them completely exposed while the other was still in sweatpants. Going back up to meet his lover’s face Jongyun grinned evilly. “Well this isn’t really fair” Key smirked. “Why am I the only one naked?” Jonghyun chuckled at that and moved his hand to palm between Key’s legs causing the younger to arch up slightly off the bed. He wasn’t going to protest. 

 

Jonghyun moved lower again, placing hot kisses in a trail down to Key’s crotch. With a moan he slipped his lips over Key and smiled inwardly as the younger yelped. Key had always been fascinated by Jonghyun’s oral fixation but had come to love it even more when he realized just how talented Jonghyun’s tongue really was. His hot lips felt like heaven after having spent so long without this kind of contact. 

 

Minutes later Key could feel the heat growing and not wanting this all to come to an end so quickly he pushed on Jonghyun’s shoulder. “Stop Jjong” he whispered. With understanding and lust in his eyes Jonghyun pulled off of Key placing one last flick of his tongue and rose back up to meet the other’s lips. 

 

Jonghyun growled as Key’s hands made their way to his waistband and slipped his fingers under it with ease. He eased his hips back to allow Key to slide his sweatpants along with his boxers down his thighs and onto the floor. “That’s better” Key spoke his voice thick with the need to feel Jonghyun’s bare body against his. Rubbing his fingers over Jonghyun’s perfectly toned abs he pushed upwards with his hips wrapping their legs together and pressing their lower bodies into one another. Moving their bodies slowly Key couldn’t take it anymore and longed to feel Jonghyun push inside him. 

 

“Jjong” Key moaned into Jonghyun’s ear and pulled his eyes up to meet his. “I need you” Jonghyun groaned and pressed his lips to Key’s. “I need you too” he breathed. 

 

Taking his time carefully to feel every crevice of Key’s body and prepare him for what was to come Jonghyun fell in love all over again. Years ago when he had first realized he loved Key he could never have imagined how much that love would grow. Each and every day the younger boy amazed him and he couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have him in his life and that he wanted to be with him despite all the shit they had been through recently. At the moment he melded their bodies together to be as close as physically possible he knew that they would always be together. He knew no matter what, and that no matter how much he worried, it was needless. 

 

Simultaneously a wave of pure ecstasy washed over the two inter-tangled boys. Jonghyun rolled off Key and onto his side. The two lovers looked at each other and smiled. Nothing needed to be said. They both knew what was on the other’s mind. Blocking out the rest of the world and snuggling into each others arms they let their blissful state of grogginess take over and got the best nights sleep of their lives.

The next morning Jonghyun awoke to the soft chirps of birds. The sun was out again glistening through the window and coming to land perfectly across the face of the young man that was sleeping against his chest. Jonghyun smiled and placed a soft kiss on the top of Key’s head. The other boy snuggled tighter into Jonghyun’s side. 

 

A musical moan escaped Key’s pink lips and Jonghyun glanced down to meet the squinting eyes of his lover. Key rubbed the sleep from his eyes and slowly rolled over to be on top of Jonghyun. He laid there for a moment, his breathing heavy and even so Jonghyun thought maybe he had fallen back asleep. But then he began to place sleepy kisses all the way up Jonghyun’s stomach, chest, and neck, until they were face to face. They both smiled at each other and the older reached up to move Key’s hair behind his ear, tickling his fingers carefully along his jaw line. Key sighed and laid down again to press his cheek to Jonghyun’s chest. 

 

“Good morning” Jonghyun whispered, overcome with happiness at the sight of the tired and relaxed boy on top of him. “Morning” Key grinned against his chest. Jonghyun was enjoying the moment and didn’t want to ruin it but he also felt like he still needed to apologize. “Key” he said softly. “mhmm” the other answered. “I really am so sorry” Jonghyun spoke evenly running his fingers through Key’s soft hair. “Jjong” Key placed another soft kiss on Jonghyun’s chest, “stop apologizing.” Jonghyun smirked and ran his hand from the younger’s scalp down his back. Key hummed, “I need you like I need to breathe.” Key whispered before drifting back to sleep. 

 

Jonghyun lay there staring longingly at the other boy for an inordinate amount of time before he let sleep overtake him again comforted in the fact that Key was back to dreaming happily on top of him. 

 


	11. Still In Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-written with a friend of mine. I wrote this chapter. Sorry for the long wait!
> 
> Title is a JYJ song.

Jaejoong was sitting at the table tucked away in the corner of the coffee shop. He had his head down, staring at his phone, and trying to avoid recognition. He was waiting for Yunho to arrive (if he was on time, he would be here in seven minutes), and his nerves were mounting with each passing minute. He had wished for this for so long, and now that it was happening, he was terrified that it would all go wrong. He reflexively took a sip of water – he had felt too queasy for anything else. He glanced at his phone again (four minutes).

Jaejoong huffed out a harsh breath and raked his hand through his hair (he cursed under his breath immediately after; he had spent hours styling his hair this morning). What was he thinking? This would never work. There were too many obstacles in the way of them ever reconciling, on top of the never ending struggle to produce music and promote it as JYJ while being blacklisted by SM. Jaejoong huffed again and checked his phone for the umpteenth time (two minutes). He surged to his feet, about to leave, when the door to the café swung open and Yunho strode into the small establishment.

Jaejoong gasped quietly and stumbled backwards, falling back into his chair. He stared up at the tall man as he looked around the room, and tried his hardest not to curl into himself when the dark eyes landed on him. Yunho seemed to gather himself before walking over to the table. He stood behind a chair for a moment, searching Jaejoong’s face. Finally, his shoulders sagged and he slipped his coat off and draped it over the chair.

“I’m going to get something to drink. Do you want anything?” he asked. Jaejoong nodded.

“Sure. Just a coffee. Thanks, Yunho,” he said quietly. Yunho nodded and walked over to stand in line. Jaejoong watched from the table as the other man looked up at the bulletins displaying the menus to choose a drink. Jaejoong watched him the whole time he stood in the line, he watched him as he stepped up to the counter and smiled brightly at the barista. He watched him as he placed his order and paid and moved to the side to wait for their drinks. He drank in the graceful confident movements, the proud tilt of his head, and the broad strength of his shoulders. He had never forgotten any of Yunho’s features, or the planes of his body, but they were less clear in his mind now, more than five years since the last time they had been close enough for him to really study the dancer. Their last two interactions had been too unexpected, too tense, for him to really look at the other man (aside from staring dazedly into his eyes after being kissed senseless in a dark hallway).

Jaejoong lost himself in his musings, zoning out until all he saw was Yunho, and none of the ambient noise of the café or the muted sounds of the city outside registered anymore. He rememorized the line of Yunho’s jaw, the fall of his hair, the placement of the mole above his mouth. He stared at the long graceful hands fiddling with a phone, remembering the feel of those fingers sliding into his hair not so long ago. Mentally, he catalogued the changes in Yunho’s appearance since 2009. He had grown up, grown into his face, become more comfortable in his body, so that he quietly commanded attention without trying.

Jaejoong jumped, pulled sharply out of his reverie at the tap of a coffee cup being set in front of him. He looked up, wide-eyed, as Yunho sat down. The other man looked up at him and Jaejoong glanced away immediately. Yunho smiled softly and took a sip of his tea. Jaejoong stared down at the table. He didn’t know how to start this conversation, had no idea where safe ground was and where the mines were hidden. He stayed quiet, painfully aware of Yunho’s eyes on him. He took a sip of his coffee, for something to do with his hands, and almost choked in surprise. He glanced down into his cup and then back up at Yunho, who was staring at him intently. The other man smiled and nodded to his drink.

“How is it?” he asked. Jaejoong opened his mouth dumbly and stared across the table.

“It’s – it’s great. Just how I like it,” he said quietly. Yunho looked pleased. “You remembered,” he murmured. Yunho nodded.

“Of course I did,” he responded just as quietly. “How many times have I ordered coffee for you because you wouldn’t wake up to do it yourself?” He was staring into his own mug, a small smile on his face as he remembered the time before the lawsuit, when everything had seemed perfect and they had all believed that it would last forever. Jaejoong stared again. Yunho looked up and quirked an eyebrow. “Yes?” he asked. Jaejoong startled and looked away, shaking his head.

“Nothing,” he said. Yunho sighed.

“Look, Jae,” he said quietly. “I – I don’t know how to do this.” He stared hard at Jaejoong’s lowered eyes. “I don’t know how to work through everything that needs to be worked through.” Yunho saw Jaejoong start to curl into himself, start to withdraw, to put on his mask of cool indifference, and he rushed to stop it. “But I want to,” he said. Jaejoong looked up at him and met his eyes.

“Really?” he asked quietly. Yunho nodded earnestly.

“Yes,” he said. “I don’t know how to do this, but now that I’ve seen you again, felt you again, I’m even more unsure of how to go on without you. I want to figure this – us – out, Jae.” Jaejoong smiled, the first real smile Yunho had seen on his face since he walked into the café. He smiled back.

“Maybe,” Jaejoong started hesitantly. “Maybe we could start with what happened? What we each went through?” Yunho nodded slowly.

“Yeah,” he said. He looked up and nodded to the slightly older man. “You start,” he said quietly. Jaejoong nodded and paused, trying to gather his thoughts.

 

“Well,” he began, “I guess – I guess first I want to apologize. I never wanted you two to find out the way you did. That night – ” here he stopped to take in a shuddering breath and stave off his two vivid memories of the night in question. “That night, when you came home angry and we – we broke up, I was waiting to tell you and Changmin at the same time,” he said quietly. Yunho breathed in harshly. Jaejoong continued.

“We hadn’t told you before then because we were afraid that – that we wouldn’t be able to go through with it if we had to break your hearts first. Because we knew that’s what it would do. We always did. I guess – I guess we just also knew that we would break your hearts more if we stayed, and were eventually worn down and broken, and we knew that that’s what would happen if we didn’t get out while we could.” Jaejoong said all of this very fast, and never made eye contact as he did.

Yunho watched him, his heart clenching at the pale, wide-eyed look of fear that he had always hated seeing on the singer’s face. He wanted to reach across the table and take the other man’s hand in his and hold it tight, He wanted to pull Jaejoong up out of his seat and out into the city and far away, and hold him close and keep him safe. But he knew that he needed to hear this, needed to say his part, before they could ever move towards something like what they had before. So he stayed quiet.

Jaejoong took another shuddering breath and forged on. “I understand why – why you were angry,” he whispered. “I understand, I think, why you did what you did, why you left me.” His eyes stung as those memories tried to push their way forward again. “I understand all of that,” he said again. “But it hurt.” Here he looked up and met Yunho’s eyes directly. “It hurt so much, Yunho,” he whispered, his eyes sparkling with barely contained tears. Yunho clenched his hands into fists.

Jaejoong took a sip of his coffee and stared down at the table again. “I – I had a hard time after that,” he whispered. “We were working so hard to find ways to continue making music, to spread our names and faces and work, and there was so much to do what with starting the company and not being able to perform on music shows, and not being able to find composers to work with. We started writing more of our own songs, but even then we couldn’t produce a traditional CD. We were working ourselves to the bone, all three of us, but I – ” He stopped.

“You what, Jae?” Yunho prompted gently, almost afraid of the answer. Jaejoong took another breath and ran his hand over his face.

“I worked myself as hard as I could without burning out immediately,” he said. Yunho stiffened, well aware of how long and hard the singer could work for, and how easy it was for him to forget to take breaks. “But eventually – eventually I did burn out. Junsu and Yoochun found me delirious in my apartment, from lack of sleep and water and proper food and too much caffeine, and they forced me to stop and rest. But as soon as I did that, there was nothing to distract me, so I – I remembered everything,” he said. Yunho held his breath, never looking away from Jaejoong as he waited for him to finish his story.

“I started thinking about what had happened, wondering what I could have done differently, dreaming about all of you turning on me, because it was my fault. And I would dream of you.” Yunho was holding himself back by a thread, his jaw clenched as well as his fists now. Jaejoong looked up at him and gulped. He recognized the pinched, upset expression on Yunho’s face, and he had always been a little scared of it. He continued.

“It would always start with a happy memory,” he whispered. “Of us. Of us together, on a date or on stage or in the dorms. And then it would mutate. Everything would go dark, and you would turn to me and push me away and you would scream at me that it was my fault, that I had broken us, that I had destroyed everything. And I believed you.” At this point, tears had started to spill from Jaejoong’s eyes, and he wiped them away impatiently. He glanced up once – Yunho was pale and angry looking, so he looked away. He couldn’t tell the story while looking at that expression. He continued.

“Eventually, it had gotten to a point at which I just didn’t care about anything except work, making sure that Yoochun and Junsu had work. I stopped taking care of myself, and started working harder again, but now that I had let the memories and the dreams in, they wouldn’t leave. I was going mad, until finally Junsu and Yoochun convinced me to talk to someone. I did, and they eventually helped me feel better, get to a place where I could find safe ground again. But it was bad for a while, so Yoochun and Junsu became very protective of me.” He chuckled. “They’ll be most displeased to know I snuck out to see you unsupervised. Well, that I snuck out to see you at all, I guess is more accurate,” he said. Yunho gave a strained smile.

“That’s my story, Yunho,” Jaejoong whispered. “Your turn.” Yunho nodded stiffly and smiled a fake smile. He stared down into his mostly empty mug and swirled the dregs of his coffee around. He was close to shaking, close to crying. He hadn’t realized that Jaejoong had gone through so much. He had imagined it would have been hard, had hoped that Jaejoong missed him as much he missed the other man. But he had never imagined quite how bad it had gotten.

Yunho took a deep, shuddering breath, and looked up at the man sitting across from him. Jaejoong was hunched over, staring into his mug. He looked small and tired, and it took all the restraint Yunho had not to just reach over and pull him into his arms. But they had agreed to talk. And they needed to talk, before they tried to build any kind of relationship, let alone a romantic one.

Yunho opened his mouth to speak and was about to tell his story when his phone buzzed on the table next to him. He glanced at it, and saw Changmin’s name. Jaejoong nodded at him when he glanced over, and Yunho opened the message. And dropped his phone.

“Jae, you need to go, now,” he said, glancing frantically around the café. Jaejoong raised an eyebrow.

“What? Why?” he asked. Yunho was tense and glancing from his phone to the window every other second. “Yunho? What’s wrong?” Jaejoong asked, worried now. Yunho shook his head and stood. He reached cross the table and grasped Jaejoong’s arm to pull him to his feet.

“No time, you need to go,” he said just as Jaejoong felt his phone buzz against his leg. He pulled it out and gasped at the message on the screen. They couldn’t come here now! Yunho grabbed his phone from him and read the message, and swore under his breath. “So they’re all coming here,” he said. Jaejoong snapped his head around to stare up at Yunho’s face.

“What? Minnie’s coming, too?” he asked. Yunho looked askance at him at the nickname, but he let it lie and nodded.

“I told him where I was going because he’s been worried recently,” he explained. “He wants to come have lunch.” Jaejoong groaned and sank back into his chair.

“Well, no use trying to get away now,” he said. Yunho let out a bark of mirthless laughter as he, too, sat down again.

They were silent now, waiting for their friends to arrive and the subsequent explosion that they knew couldn’t be avoided. After what felt like hours, Yunho straightened and tensed his shoulders, staring at the door. It opened, and Changmin strode in and looked around the café. He saw Yunho and waved as he started over to him. The smile on his face turned confused when he noticed the other person at the table, before it disappeared entirely when he saw who it was.

“Jaejoong? What are you – Yunho, what’s going on?” he asked, frozen and alarmed. Yunho sighed and raked a hand through his hair.

“Sit down, Min,” he said. Changmin watched him carefully as he sank into a chair, and then he glanced suspiciously at Jaejoong. The older man smiled tiredly at him, his shoulders hunched over.

“Hi, Min – Changmin,” he said quietly. Yunho glanced up at the slip, just in time to catch Jaejoong turning away quickly to hide bright eyes. He watched, concerned, as Jaejoong shook his head and settled back into his seat.

“Hi,” Changmin said. He looked back to Yunho. “What’s going on? Why are you here with him?” he asked. Yunho smiled at him reassuringly.

“It’s ok, Minnie,” he said. “We decided to meet up after Heechul’s party. We needed to – needed to talk things through.” Changmin looked at him shrewdly for a long moment, tracing the planes of his face with his gaze. He took in the red around the older man’s eyes and narrowed his own before turning his head sharply to glare at Jaejoong. The singer met his gaze and flinched back. “Changmin!” Yunho said sharply. The younger man scoffed and flung himself backwards into his chair and crossed his arms. Yunho sighed.

“Maybe I should go,” Jaejoong said quietly. Yunho snapped his head up to look at him, wide-eyed.

“No!” he cried, reaching across the table to grab the older man’s wrist. They both froze at the touch, flashbacks of their last touch running through their heads – _hot, smooth lips sliding over each other in a dark hallway, soft whimpers and muted moans filling the air._ Jaejoong shook his head and pulled his hand away. Both men sat down quickly and turned their faces away from each other. Changmin glared suspiciously.

“Alright, spill,” he said. Yunho quirked an eyebrow at him in confusion. “Whatever it is that happened that’s turning you two into blushing school girls. Spill.” Jaejoong’s eyes widened and he turned to look at Yunho again, shaking his head minutely.

“What do you mean, Min?” Yunho asked. He caught Jaejoong’s expression out of the corner of his eye and grit his teeth so as not to draw Changmin’s attention back to him. Changmin glared.

“That’s the question, isn’t it? You know exactly what I mean, you just haven’t told me. So tell me, now, so that I know if I have any major damage control coming up.” By now he was leaning menacingly towards Yunho, watching him closely for any sign of weakness. Yunho stared back, used to Changmin’s tricks and desperately hoping something would happen soon to distract him because today was not a day when he could hold out for long, and the other man knew that. Neither of them heard the café door open. Neither of them noticed Jaejoong pale and stiffen in his seat, his eyes glued to the door.

Jaejoong froze as the café door swung open and Yoochun and Junsu strode in. He tried to make a move to get Yunho and Changmin’s attention and let them know who had arrived, but then Junsu turned and spotted him. He grinned and nudged Yoochun and they began making their way over to the table.

It was eerie, almost, how similar their approach was to Changmin’s. They walked over quickly, smiling and preparing to launch into far too many stories all at once as usual, and then slowed when they noticed that Jaejoong wasn’t sitting alone. And then their smiles froze and slid off their faces as they looked closer and realised just who he was sitting with. And then Yunho glanced up and tensed before letting out a sigh and slumping back into his chair. Changmin raised an eyebrow again and looked behind him, and it was silent.

 

Yunho hated it. The silence, the tension, the awkwardness – he hated it. In eleven years, the five of them had only ever been awkward at the very beginning. Even when the lawsuit was filed, even at the award show, even at Heechul’s party – it hadn’t been awkward. Charged and angry and hurt, but never awkward. And now none of them knew what to say, and all Yunho wanted was to simultaneously fix them (the way he was supposed to do, he was the _leader_ ) and be far away, right now.

He looked around at the other four men, now all sitting down, and screamed internally at the looks of terror and uncertainty. Nothing would get done like this, and something needed to happen. Something had to give. Mentally, Yunho took a deep breath and straightened his shoulders, giving himself a silent, imagined pep talk.

“So, pink hair. What made you choose that, Su?” he asked quietly. Junsu jumped and stared at him, eyes wide. Yunho smiled what he hoped was his old smile, the one that had once seemed to calm everyone down from the brink of panic. Junsu’s breath hitched and his eyes grew bright, so maybe it was.

“I, uh – didn’t really choose it myself. It was for _Dracula_ ,” he said. Yunho nodded.

“It looks good. I saw the posters for the show. I – ” he hesitated and bit his lip. “I wish I could have gone,” he said finally. Junsu, who had been stealing a sip of Jaejoong’s drink, choked. Yoochun stared at Yunho incredulously, and Changmin whipped his head up from tracing the grain of the wooden tabletop to gape at the older man. Jaejoong smiled down at his hands, and Yunho grinned at Junsu.

“Wh – what?” Junsu stammered. “You – you wanted to go?” Yunho nodded.

“I saw the reviews, apparently you were amazing. Someday I’ll see one of your musicals,” he said. Junsu stared for another moment and then looked down as his eyes began to overflow. He took several deep breaths and scrubbed his hands over his cheeks quickly. When he looked up again his eyes were red and there were tear tracks just barely visible on his cheeks, but he was smiling.

“Thanks,” he whispered. “I’ll try to – to get you tickets for the next one.” Yunho grinned brightly and nodded. “I liked your album,” Junsu said. He sounded almost shy, and he was sending darting glances to Yoochun and Jaejoong out of the corner of his eye. Yunho smiled widely across the table at him. Changmin stared, wide-eyed, his mouth open.

“Thanks, Junsu,” Yunho said. He stomped on Changmin’s foot. The younger man jumped and glared at him before nodded and mumbling a thank you as well. Junsu offered a small, confused smile and then sank back into his seat. Yunho turned to look at Yoochun. “I did manage to see one of your dramas, though, Chun. You were amazing.” Yoochun stared.

“Thanks,” he said slowly. He glanced at Junsu and Jaejoong and, finding no support there, turned back to Yunho and Changmin. He nodded to the younger singer. “I watched _Mimi_ ,” he said. Changmin looked at him, surprised. Yoochun smiled and nodded at him. “It was very good. You did a great job playing two versions of your character.” Changmin nodded slowly and murmured a thank you. Yoochun looked down at his fingers and fell silent.

The table was quiet again, but the atmosphere was less strained, and Yunho mentally nodded to himself. This was better, he thought to himself.

They stayed quiet for a few minutes before Junsu stood up abruptly and announced he was going to get something to drink, and would anyone – he stumbled here, glancing nervously at the youngest – like him to get something for them? Yoochun nodded and told him his order, and then Junsu looked questioningly at Changmin. The youngest opened his mouth for a moment, and then closed it quickly. He furrowed his brow and stared down at the tabletop for a moment before standing up as well and murmuring that he would go with and help Junsu carry things back. Junsu nodded and they walked off together, a careful distance between them, not looking at each other or speaking. Yunho watched them go and heaved what seemed like the millionth sigh that day.

“Well, it’s a start,” he said. Jaejoong smiled gently at him and made a small, jerky movement with his arm, as if he were going to reach across the table and brush his fingers over the top of Yunho’s hand, the way he had done hundreds, thousands of times in the past, when they were together and sure of their places in each others hearts. Yoochun watched them quietly as they waited for Changmin and Junsu to get back. He saw the quick glances, and the twitching fingers that seemed to have developed minds of their own and were reaching toward each other.

When Junsu and Changmin returned, arms laden with food and three drinks, he caught their eyes and nodded to the two older men. Junsu watched them carefully as he set everything down, nodding in response to their ‘thank you's. Changmin watched out of the corner of his eye as he reclaimed his seat. They saw the glances and the way each man pushed the other’s favourite food towards them. They saw the shy smiles of thanks, and the almost touches when their fingertips got too close together.

The table was silent again, but this time the quiet was calm. The tension that had been so palpable before was gone, replaced with a timid peace. Changmin fiddled with his drink, turning his mug around and around on the table top in front of him and following the shape of a leaf drawn on the surface in foam. He sipped at it (caramel macchiato, like always), and tried hard to keep his face blank even as he grappled furiously with himself silently. He didn’t know what to do. On the one hand, he never wanted Yunho to go through the kind of pain he went through five years ago. He knew that, although the other man had moved forward and gotten happier, he had never truly moved on from losing Jaejoong or from losing Yoochun and Junsu. Another blow of that kind would shatter him.

On the other hand, Changmin had never seen Yunho happier than when he was with Jaejoong. In the five years since the split, he had never eve attempted to date or meet other people, and Changmin knew it was because every potential partner was measured against Jaejoong in Yunho’s mind, and no one on earth could ever hope to compete with him. Even now, silent and unsure, Yunho seemed more content than he had in years.

He sighed and glanced quickly at the other four men at the table. Junsu caught his gaze and smiled tentatively. He leaned forward and furrowed his brow, opening and closing his mouth a couple of times before launching into speech.

“So, Changmin,” he started quietly. “How – how have you been? I know you’ve been acting a lot, but besides that what are you up to?” he asked. Changmin raised an eyebrow and shrugged his shoulders.

“I’ve been fine, I guess,” he said. Junsu winced at his answer, knowing that the snarky younger man was holding back a sharp reply about the last five years and how difficult they had been for him. He wanted to avoid another argument like the one at Heechul’s party at all costs, and so he wished he had chosen a better opener for his first civil conversation with his old friend in five years. Changmin saw the wince and smiled. He nodded slightly at Junsu, who smiled at him, relieved. Yunho watched the interaction carefully, feeling at once proud and bittersweet that the two youngest members of the group were still able to communicate so smoothly with body language.

Jaejoong leaned forward. “How do you like acting?” he asked quietly, not sure how Changmin would respond to him. Changmin’s shoulders tensed up and he glanced at Yunho briefly before smiling stiffly at the other singer.

“I like it a lot,” he said. “It’s fun, and it’s nice to branch out from singing. _Mimi_ was especially fun.” Jaejoong nodded and sat back in his chair. Changmin licked his lips and took a deep breath before looking up at the oldest singer again. “I liked your album a lot, Jaejoong,” he said. Jaejoong looked up at him, wide-eyed, and broke into a broad grin.

“Thanks, Changmin,” he murmured.

Yunho sat back and watched quietly as the ice slowly melted and the conversation began to flow more smoothly. Changmin, Junsu and Yoochun questioned each other about their recent endeavours, and began to have heated discussions about music and acting the way they used to. Here and there, Jaejoong interjected with his views on Junsu’s latest album or Changmin’s most recent song lyrics. A couple of times his remarks elicited a laugh or smile from Changmin, and the grins that lit Jaejoong’s face when that happened tugged at Yunho’s heart and made him want to fall into a relationship with the other man right away.

“Yunho!” Yunho shook himself and turned to look at Changmin at the sound of his name. He smiled apologetically at the annoyed look on the younger man’s face.

“Sorry, Min,” he said. Changmin rolled his eyes. Yunho glared.

“I’m going to go meet Kyuhyun,” he said. “I’ll be back later tonight, ok?” Yunho nodded and waved as Changmin stood up and collected his things. The younger man bowed stiffly to the other three singers and smiled as Junsu waved enthusiastically and reiterated a promise that must have been made while Yunho was zoned out, to keep in touch and hang out sometime soon. Yoochun and Jaejoong waved as well, both echoing Junsu’s statement. Changmin nodded and made his way out of the café.

“So he and Kyuhyun still hang out a lot?” Junsu asked. Yunho smiled and nodded.

“Yeah. They’re actually together now,” he said. Junsu choked again, this time on his own drink. Jaejoong grinned and nudged Yoochun in the side.

“Told you,” he said. Yoochun rolled his eyes and pushed him away.

“Really?!” Junsu exclaimed. “Since when?” Yunho chuckled and nodded.

“Really,” he said. He sobered a bit. “They got together just after you three left. I think Kyuhyun was a real support for Changmin at that point. They’ve been together ever since.” Junsu winced at the story.

“I’m glad he had someone to lean on,” Jaejoong said quietly. Yunho nodded and stared down at the table.

Yoochun watched the two of them carefully for a moment, and then nudged Junsu sharply. Junsu turned to him, ready to berate him, and stopped quickly as Yoochun jerked his head to the other two men. Junsu watched them as well, and then nodded. They began to pick up their dishes and stood up.

“We should go,” Yoochun said to the other two. “It was nice to see you, Yunho,” he said. “Changmin has our numbers, so you should keep in touch.” Yunho nodded and smiled. Jaejoong looked frantically back and forth between the two of them.

“Where are you going?” he asked. “You don’t have anything to do today.” Yoochun pulled at Junsu’s arm and began inching away as he answered.

“We were just going to go and spend some time with Yoohwan and Junho, weren’t we, Junsu?” Junsu nodded quickly, getting nervous as Jaejoong’s expression turned suspicious.

“Really?” he asked. “Maybe I should come along. I haven’t seen them in a while,” he said. Junsu shook his head.

“No, no!” he exclaimed. “You’d be bored, really. We’re just meeting them to talk about some scheduling issues. Bye!” He and Yoochun turned quickly and rushed out of the café. Jaejoong huffed a sigh and shook his head. He jumped a little when Yunho laughed, having almost forgotten the other man was there. He smiled at him across the table.

“They haven’t changed at all,” Yunho said. Jaejoong laughed lightly and nodded.

“Not in the ways that matter,” he said. “They’re still the Yoochun and Junsu that you grew up with.” Yunho smiled.

“Good,” he whispered. The two men fell silent, both working through their thoughts on the gathering that had just happened.

“It was nice to see Changmin,” Jaejoong said. “He looks good.” Yunho nodded.

“It was nice to see Junsu and Yoochun, too. And I know Changmin was happy to see all of you, even if he was a little prickly.” Jaejoong smiled.

“I’m used to him,” he said, waving it off. Yunho laughed. For a moment they stared at each other, eyes roving over the planes of each other’s faces. Finally Yunho dropped his gaze and exhaled.

“Jae, I – ” he paused. Jaejoong was staring at him, almost hungrily, his fingers twitching again as he stopped himself from reaching over and grabbing the beautiful hands cradling Yunho’s mug, or smoothing out the wrinkles on his forehead. “I want to get to know you again,” Yunho whispered finally. Jaejoong’s breath caught. “I want to have the chance to know you, and fall in love with you again.”

Jaejoong blinked rapidly as his eyes stung. He smiled a wide, true smile and nodded. “Me, too,” he said. “I miss you, and I want to relearn you.” They stared at each other, both wishing it could be as simple as wrapping their arms around each other and never letting go, and both knowing that they needed to take it slow. Jaejoong took a deep, shuddering breath. “Why don’t we try dating?” he asked. “We never really ‘dated’ before. We were just together. We could try spending time together, doing normal couple things, and see where it goes.” Yunho nodded slowly.

“Ok,” he said, and smiled. “Where should we go for our first date?” Jaejoong giggled.

“Let’s go to a movie or something for the first one,” he suggested. “We could have dinner first.” Yunho nodded. They set a date and a time to meet, and Yunho had never felt so light and buoyant, and Jaejoong couldn’t stop smiling and giggling.

They stayed there, staring at each other, for a while longer. In the back of his mind, Yunho wondered what they must look like. This was a fairly private, secluded café, and because of that many celebrities frequented it, so Yunho wasn’t too worried about being caught by fans. But still, two grown men sitting together, long after their companions have left, staring at each other in silence with smiles on their faces and stars in their eyes wasn’t really an everyday sight in Seoul.

So he wondered what they must look like to the young woman sitting on a couch with a book open on her lap, or to the elderly man in the corner who, the barista had informed them, came every day at the same time to order the same drink and sit in the same seat for an hour. And then Yunho realized that he didn’t care. He had cared once, and it had cost him Jaejoong in the end. He had a chance to get him back now, and he wasn’t going to ruin it.

Finally, Jaejoong took a breath and checked his phone for the time. He sighed. “I have to get going,” he said quietly. Yunho smiled and nodded. He reached across the table and squeezed Jaejoong’s hand quickly and then they both stood and began gathering their things together.

“I’ll see you soon,” Yunho said as they were walking out of the café. Jaejoong smiled brilliantly and nodded. He stared up into Yunho’s face for one more moment before they left the building, hungry eyes drinking in his complexion and his eyes and his nose and his mouth and his mole and the scars just barely visible. Yunho stared down at the other man as well. He smiled as he traced the planes of Jaejoong’s face carefully – _pale skin, eyes so big and liquid he could drown in them, and red lips that he knew were soft and sweet_ – and then slowly took a step back, shaking his head. Jaejoong did the same, both absolutely certain that if they stayed there any longer they would fall into each other. They waved slowly and both turned out the door to walk away.

 

Junsu was pacing. He had been pacing for the last fifteen minutes. But this wasn’t the problem. The problem was the muttering.

It was something Yoochun had noticed about Junsu over the years – he muttered. Mostly when he was nervous, sometimes when he was writing music. Some of the muttering was sweet. It was Junsu’s eccentricity coming out, and some of the time it was endearing. That was mostly when it was music-writing-muttering, or video-game-muttering, or no-one-understands-the-true-beauty-of-football-but-me-muttering. Not nervous muttering. Yoochun couldn’t stand nervous muttering.

It was always coupled with pacing, fast pacing that made Yoochun dizzy. It was non-stop noise, but quiet enough that no one could understand what Junsu was saying. It gave Yoochun a headache, and he hated it.

“Junsu!” he exclaimed finally. Junsu froze and turned a wide-eyed stare on him. “This is the fifth time you’ve almost tripped on the coffee table in the last five minutes, let alone the last fifteen. Jaejoong is fine, and you know it just as well as I do.

“But what if he isn’t?!” Junsu cried, throwing his hands up in the air and when they fell to his sides again bringing them together to start wringing them. “What if he really isn’t ok, and we’re just sitting here waiting for him to get back like – like – oysters!” Yoochun stared. Junsu flushed.

“Oysters?” Yoochun asked archly, his expression half sceptical half mocking. Junsu glared.

“Oh, shut up. You get the idea. What if he really needs us, and we’re not there?!” he yelled. Yoochun stifled a snicker.

“Because we’re being oysters?” he asked. Junsu growled and launched himself at the other man. Yoochun was ready, and he caught Junsu around the waist and toppled them over onto the couch. Junsu ended up on his back beneath Yoochun with the wind knocked out of him. He glared up at the other man and pushed at his shoulders.

“Let me up, Yoochun!” he yelled. Yoochun smirked. Much better. This he could handle – loudly angry Junsu was easy. Loudly angry Junsu under him on the couch was fun.

“No,” he said. “If I let you up you’ll start muttering again, and pacing, and you’ll keep going until Jaejoong gets home, and by that point you’ll have worked yourself up so much, we’ll never hear what happened in the café.” Yoochun stared unblinkingly down at the younger man lying beneath him. Junsu glared back and pushed his shoulders again.

“You holding me to the couch isn’t going to stop the worrying,” he said mulishly. “I don’t have to be pacing to be worried.” Yoochun snickered.

“I know. But holding you to the couch will make distracting you from the worry so much easier,” he said. He waited a beat, and right on time, Junsu squawked.

“Yoochun! Shut up! If you think that we’re going to have sex right now, you’re delusional! Let me up!” Junsu’s face was red and he refused to look Yoochun in the eye.

In truth, this reaction had always confused him and enthralled him in equal measure. At night, in the dark, when they were pressed against each other and desperately trying not to moan too loud, Junsu turned into someone bold and sure of himself. On stage, he could turn the sexy charisma on like it was a light switch. And yet, when they were fully clothed on a couch, he was blushing and embarrassed and confused. Yoochun smiled down at him, one of the tender smiles he normally saved for late at night, after the afterglow, when Junsu was asleep and quiet beside him.

Junsu raised an eyebrow. “What?” he asked. Yoochun shook himself and put his smirk back on.

“Nothing,” he answered. “Just congratulating myself. We haven’t even taken off a single article of clothing, and you’re already distracted from your needless worry.” Junsu gaped up at him, and then finally succeeded in pushing the other man up and off of himself. Yoochun rolled mostly gracefully to the floor and leaned back against the couch. He bent his head back to smile at a fuming Junsu. The other man pointedly looked away. Yoochun laughed.

“Shut up,” Junsu snapped. He was silent for a moment, and then – “I just don’t get it. Surely you’re a little worried, too, aren’t you? I mean, they haven’t been alone together for five years, they parted on horrible terms – what if they tear each other to pieces?!” Junsu was working himself into a panic again. Yoochun leaned up on one arm, wrapped his other hand around Junsu’s neck and pulled him down to kiss him silent. Junsu squeaked and froze. When Yoochun pulled pack he stroked one hand through the pink hair that Junsu complained about so much but Yoochun secretly loved.

“Junsu, it’s going to be fine,” he said calmly. “Of course I’m worried, Jaejoong wouldn’t survive something else like the break up. But I also know that both of them need this time alone, even if it’s just for them to find closure. And anyway, Jaejoong’s a big boy, he can take care of himself.” Yoochun pressed another kiss to Junsu’s lips and smiled widely into the contact when he felt Junsu beginning to kiss back.

Then he cursed, hit his knee on the couch and cursed again, louder, when the front door swung open and Jaejoong floated in and Junsu yelped and jumped back into the couch cushions. Jaejoong came to an abrupt stop in the middle of the living room to take in the sight before him. “What are you two up to?” he asked innocently, pretending not to notice the rumpled clothes and messed up hair, not to mention Junsu’s red cheeks.

“What do you think?” Yoochun hissed at the same time as Junsu yelled “Nothing!” Jaejoong laughed and fell into the couch with a wide smile on his face.

“Right, of course,” he drawled. He grinned up at Yoochun. Yoochun glowered.

 

Changmin threw himself down on the bed in Kyuhyun’s room and laid his head on his boyfriend’s lap. Kyuhyun looked down at him and raised an eyebrow. “Why yes, Changmin, you can lie on me. Oh no, I don’t mind at all,” he said pointedly. Changmin glared up at him and stuck his tongue out. The other eyebrow went up. “What on earth happened to you?” Kyuhyun asked. Changmin sighed and threw an arm over his eyes. His long fingers brushed against Kyuhyun’s shirt and he grabbed it and held tight. Kyuhyun sat up a little straighter, concerned now. “Minnie?” he asked.

Changmin swallowed. “I went to the café to find Yunho. He’s been weird lately, and I wanted to spend some time with him and see if I could do anything.” Kyuhyun nodded. “I got there,” Changmin continued, “and he was with someone.” Kyuhyun furrowed his brow.

“What? Changmin, I don’t see what the problem is. You’re always saying that he should date again – ” Changmin shot up and was on the other side of the room in four long strides, his hair standing on end as he ran his hands through it agitatedly. “Minnie – ”

“It was Jaejoong,” he said quietly. Kyuhyun gaped. He stood and walked around until he was in front of the taller singer and stared up at him.

“What?!” he asked. “You’re saying that they were sitting together, for god knows how long, and they weren’t at each others throats or trying to crawl inside each other?” Changmin nodded and flopped down onto the bed again.

“It gets worse, though – or, well, better I suppose.” Kyuhyun stared and braced himself.

“What is it?” he asked slowly. Changmin grimaced.

“I guess Jaejoong had told Junsu and Yoochun where he was like Yunho told me.” Kyuhyun gasped and sank down onto the bed next to Changmin. “They showed up, too,” the taller man whispered. Kyuhyun took one look at Changmin’s face and leaned over to pull him against his body. He held him tight and rocked back and forth as he started to hum. Changmin clung to him, so much like five years ago that Kyuhyun had no idea what to do. Part of him wanted to hold Changmin tight and never let him go, but another part of him knew that Changmin needed either closure or reconnection with his former bandmates, and if he didn’t take this chance to get one of them, he would never be able to really get over it.

Neither of them really knew how long they sat there for before Changmin sat up and wiped his eyes. He smiled gratefully at Kyuhyun and leaned forward to kiss him gently. “Thanks, Kyu,” he whispered. Kyuhyun leaned his forehead against Changmin’s and laughed.

“Anytime,” he whispered back. Changmin stood and walked to Kyuhyun’s closet. He had started leaving clothes here years ago, and now pulled out some old sweat pants and a t-shirt. He changed and walked back to the bed and crawled under the blankets. Kyuhyun watched the whole process calmly and then turned to raise an eyebrow, again, at his boyfriend. Changmin pouted.

“Kyuhyunnie! Come take a nap with me,” he whined. Kyuhyun scoffed and stood to change his own clothes, grumbling the whole time about immature twenty-something men who enjoyed acting like spoiled brats. Changmin watched him from the bed with a fond smile on his face, his eyes tender. He never questioned how Kyuhyun always knew just how to make him feel better. He just accepted it and let the other man work his magic. He did his best to pay him back in kind when Kyuhyun was the one who needed comfort, and the rest of the time just tried to show him how much he loved him in every way he could.

Changmin was brought out of his thoughts abruptly when a warm body wriggled it’s way into his arms and up against his chest, a head of messy brown hair tucking under his chin. He smiled and closed his arms tight around the smaller man as he kissed the top of his head. “I love you, Minnie,” Kyuhyun whispered. “And I promise you that everything will be alright eventually, and I’ll stick with you through it all.” Kyuhyun was more tired than he had let on, and he began to drift off before he even finished speaking. His words slurred and lengthened, and he nuzzled his face into Changmin’s broad chest.

Changmin felt tears prick at his eyes and he blinked rapidly to dispel them. “I love you, too, baby,” he whispered. His eyes grew brighter at the soft kiss Kyuhyun pressed to his chest just above his heart in response and he buried his head in the soft brown hair. He felt Kyuhyun wrap an arm around him, felt the smaller man hold him close and almost try to press his love and reassurance through Changmin’s pores. His eyes overflowed, and he cried quietly in his lover’s arms. Kyuhyun began humming again, a slow, quiet song, and soon Changmin’s breathing evened out and he fell asleep.

Kyuhyun tilted his head back to look at the sleeping face and slowly pulled his arm up to wipe away tear tracks with gentle fingers. He laughed quietly as the taller man snuffled and turned into his touch in his sleep. Finally he pressed close again and closed his eyes, soaking in the warmth of his lover’s arms and the strength of his chest and the sound of his breathing.

They slept tangled together, so close they could have been one being. When they woke up the next morning, Changmin would realise that, though they hadn’t really talked at all about his meeting with Jaejoong, Yoochun, and Junsu and the possibility that he would see them again, he still felt he knew better what he wanted. In the pale morning light, he would smile and kiss the top of Kyuhyun’s head again as thanks for working his magic.


	12. Step By Step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-written with a friend of mine. I wrote this chapter. Sorry updates have been slow!
> 
> Title is a TVXQ song.

Yunho collapsed back onto his bed and breathed out a loud sigh. He had just gotten back from the first of his and Jaejoong’s dates, and he was exhausted. When they had been together before, they had never really dated in the way that normal couples do. It was inconvenient, and they were always together anyway, so neither of them had seen the need. They would take nights to themselves and watch movies together, or kick the others out of the apartment so that they could have dinner alone together. But that was it. They had fallen together after three years of living together and spending all of their time together. By the time the tension between them reached boiling point, there was no need to date and feel out a relationship.

Now, they actually needed to get to know each other, and so they were dating and acting like teenagers in their first relationship, and Yunho was completely out of his element. He didn’t know how to be with Jaejoong without holding him, kissing him, without reading his every move by the twitch of an eyebrow or the wrinkles in his brow. And that, after all, was the problem. They knew each other too well, and not well enough at the same time. They both knew that the other person wanted to be the way they were before they broke up, _right now_ , and they both knew that trying that would destroy them. Because they both knew that they _didn’t_ know each other anymore.

Yunho groaned and rubbed his hands over his face harshly. He was giving himself a headache, so he forced himself to turn his thoughts to what had actually happened on the date instead. He smiled softly and closed his eyes. They had gone to a movie and then dinner at a small, private restaurant. The conversation had started off stunted and awkward, but by the time their food had arrived, they were laughing and talking about the movie as if they had never been apart. There had been an unspoken agreement not to talk about any tough subjects that night, so they both steered clear of their professional lives and anything that might lead back around to the split and the break up. They would have to talk about it soon – Yunho had still not told Jaejoong his side of the story – but they could put it off for now.

Yunho’s phone buzzed on the bed next to him, and he groped around for a minute to find it. He checked the message and smiled.

 

_Tonight was fun! Sleep well!_

 

The message was followed by a string of emojis, and Yunho chuckled as he responded.

 

_You, too. See you soon._

 

He pulled himself up with a groan and began getting ready for bed. They weren’t terribly busy right now, and both Yunho and Changmin were using that as a chance to catch up on rest. Although, come to think of it, he hadn’t seen Changmin for a while. He slipped into his pyjamas and wandered out of his room to check Changmin’s. The younger man wasn’t there. Yunho shrugged, assuming he was with Kyuhyun, and turned to go back to his room. He collapsed into his bed and closed his eyes. Liquid dark eyes and pale skin swam behind his eyelids, and he fell asleep dreaming of Jaejoong.

 

Changmin fell to Kyuhyun’s side, panting. He had been staying with the other man for the last couple of days, and they were spending as much time alone together as they could during the rare lull in activities. Kyuhyun rolled over and curled into Changmin’s chest, pushing his face into the taller man’s neck. They laid there in silence for a moment, curled around each other as they caught their breath. It was late at night and the moon was high in the sky and shining through the window.

Kyuhyun shifted and pressed a kiss to Changmin’s skin. Changmin smiled and held the other man tighter.

“I love you,” he whispered. He had been saying so more and more often lately, and Kyuhyun was simultaneously touched and sad about it. He knew that Changmin was sensitive about people he loved leaving him, especially since he had begun talking to his former bandmates again, and this was his way of telling Kyuhyun that he needed him. Kyuhyun pulled his head from the crook of Changmin’s neck and leaned up to kiss his boyfriend.

“I love you, too,” he murmured against his lips. Changmin smiled into the kiss and held Kyuhyun even tighter. The room was silent except for their breathing, and for now, they were the only two people in the world. Kyuhyun pulled back and settled into the pillows. He felt Changmin curl close around him again and closed his eyes. He had been turning a thought over and over in his head for the last couple of days, and was trying to figure out how to bring it up.

“What’s up, baby?” Changmin asked quietly, noticing Kyuhyun’s forehead creasing. The other singer opened his eyes and smiled at his boyfriend.

“I’m just thinking. I was wondering…” he trailed off. Changmin leaned up and propped himself on an elbow. He reached up and carded his hand through Kyuhyun’s hair.

“What is it?” he prompted. Kyuhyun bit his lip and met Changmin’s eyes. He sighed.

“I was wondering how you would feel about – about coming out,” he said quietly. Changmin was quiet. “You don’t have to answer right now,” he rushed to reassure the other man. “It’s just something I’ve been thinking about. And obviously if you’re not comfortable with it, we won’t do it, I just wanted to – ” Changmin kissed him and Kyuhyun stopped talking abruptly.

“Sh, Kyu, it’s fine,” Changmin said. “What made you start thinking about it?” Kyuhyun sighed and bit his lip again. He _had_ actually been thinking about it for a while. He loved Changmin and wouldn’t trade his relationship with him for anything, but he did sometimes struggle with having to be so secretive. Because they were both men, they had to be more secretive than any of their peers who were in heterosexual relationships. If they got caught, and it wasn’t on their own terms, it could ruin their careers. And Kyuhyun knew and understood this, and if he had to do it in order to be with Changmin he would. But he couldn’t help wondering what it would be like if they were out, and longing for it.

But recently, he had also been wondering about Changmin, and if coming out and telling the world they were together and in love would reassure him that Kyuhyun wasn’t leaving. He wanted the other man to know that Kyuhyun would do anything for him, and that he loved him with everything he had. But he knew that if he told Changmin that reason, the other man would believe that Kyuhyun was doing something for him that Kyuhyun himself didn’t actually need. Changmin pressed a kiss to his forehead and looked at him with concern. “Kyu?” he asked quietly. “Are you alright?” Kyuhyun nodded quickly and smiled.

“I’m fine. I just – I love you and I don’t like… I don’t like having to hide it,” he said quietly. Changmin looked down, his face serious.

“Are you – ” he paused. Kyuhyun raised his hands to cup Changmin’s face and stroked his thumbs over high cheekbones. Changmin’s hand came up to hold one of his and he looked up into Kyuhyun’s eyes. “Are you happy?” he asked. He looked worried and young and scared, and Kyuhyun rushed to reassure him.

“Yes! Yes, Minnie, of course I am,” he said. “I love you so much, and I’m so happy with you. And if you don’t want to come out, we won’t and we don’t have to talk about it again. I just wanted to bring it up as – as an option. I _am_ happy, but I hate having to hide my happiness. I want to be able to tell people that I love you.” Changmin was staring at him, eyes dark and wide. He smiled tentatively and squeezed Kyuhyun’s hand.

“I love you, too, and I do wish we could be open about it. But, Kyu – it’s not as easy as that,” he whispered. Kyunhyun nodded.

“I know.” He pulled himself up so he could sit against the headboard and wrapped his arms around Changmin’s neck. Changmin hugged him back and kissed his shoulder. “Can we just think about it?” he asked. “We don’t have to decide anything now. Just think about it.” Changmin nodded.

“Ok, love,” he said. He pushed his body up higher and kissed Kyuhyun sweetly, and then pulled the smaller man down to lie on the bed and crawled over him. He deepened the kiss and pressed the length of his body against Kyuhyun’s. The smaller man moaned and wrapped his arms around Changmin’s neck. Changmin was apprehensive at the thought of coming out, but he was also deeply touched by the realization that Kyuhyun loved him enough to be ready to risk his career, the career that he has fought so hard for, so that they wouldn’t have to hide. He had no idea how to express that feeling to Kyuhyun in words, so he pushed it into his kisses and caresses, and tried his hardest to tell his boyfriend how much he loved him that way.

 

Yunho was sitting on the couch texting Jaejoong when Changmin got back. He looked up and waved as the younger man came in, expecting him to continue on to the kitchen or his own room. When he instead dropped onto the couch and put his head in Yunho’s lap, Yunho raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Is there a reason you’re using me as a pillow?” he asked. Changmin scowled up at him.

“I need to talk to you about something,” he said. Yunho nodded and set his phone on the coffee table.

“Go ahead,” he said.

“It’s about Kyuhyun and I,” Changmin started. “Last night, he asked me to think about coming out.” Yunho stared.

“What?!” he exclaimed. Changmin sat up and sighed.

“He asked me what I would think of coming out about our relationship. He said that we didn’t have to talk about it then, and that if I was uncomfortable with it we wouldn’t do it, but he sounded like he really wanted it.” Changmin ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I don’t know what to do, because I want to come out, I hate hiding, but I’m also really worried about what that would mean for our careers.” Yunho stared, wide-eyed at the younger man, and groaned. Changmin glared at him. “What?” he snapped.

“Nothing, I just have no idea what to tell you,” he said. Changmin sighed again.

“I just – I want to come out, I do, but I’m – ” He paused.

“You’re what, Min?” Yunho asked quietly. Changmin leaned over and laid his head back in Yunho’s lap. Yunho smiled down at him and ran a hand through his hair. He had a fleeting wish that Jaejoong, Yoochun, and Junsu were there, but he pushed it aside.

“I’m scared,” the younger man whispered. Yunho felt his heart clench and he coaxed Changmin up into a seated position and then pulled him into a hug. He reached for his phone and quickly texted Jaejoong.

 

_Come over. Min needs you._

 

He followed it with their address and the code to get into the apartment, and then turned his attention back to Changmin. The younger man had his face buried in Yunho’s shoulder, his breathing shallow and ragged.

“I’m here, Min, it’s alright,” Yunho whispered. He hugged the younger man close and they sat in silence, Yunho waiting for Jaejoong, Changmin waiting for his tears to dry.

Some time later, they both looked up when the door opened and someone came into the apartment. “Who – ” Changmin started, falling silent when Jaejoong walked into the living room. Changmin stared from Jaejoong to Yunho and back again for a moment, struggling between yelling and going to his room, and running to his former hyung for one of his hugs that seemed to fix everything. He felt Yunho’s hand on his back and looked at the older man on the couch with him for a moment, and then he stood and walked to Jaejoong and pushed his face into his shoulder.

 

Jaejoong walked into the apartment apprehensively, not sure what would be waiting for him. He had dropped everything and come over immediately when he got Yunho’s text. No matter how strained his relationship with Changmin was, if the younger man needed him he would be there. Even so, he had no idea how his arrival would be received.

He stepped into the living room and stayed in the entrance, leaving the decision up to Changmin. He watched as the younger man looked back and forth between him and Yunho, nervousness making his stomach flip. Then Changmin stood and walked over to him and wrapped himself around him. Jaejoong felt tears sting his eyes as he put his arms around the younger, taller singer and hugged him tight. Slowly, they began shuffling over to the couch, and just as they sank onto it, Jaejoong felt tears on his collarbone. He looked questioningly over Changmin’s shoulder at Yunho. “Minnie?” he asked quietly. “What’s wrong?” He waited, but Changmin didn’t speak. He pulled Changmin’s head from his shoulder and wiped his tears away. “Talk to me, Minnie,” he said.

Changmin took a shuddering breath and curled back into Jaejoong’s body. “I – for a few years, I’ve been dating Kyuhyun,” he whispered, nervous. Jaejoong smiled and nodded.

“I know, Yunho told me,” he said.

Changmin nodded and continued. “Well, last night, I was with Kyuhyun, and he – he asked me how I would feel about coming out.” Jaejoong gasped. “He said that we didn’t have to talk about it then, and we didn’t need to decide anything, but just to think about it.”

Jaejoong nodded. He pushed aside the surprise he felt that Kyuhyun would bring something like that up and focused on the conversation. “What did you say?” he asked.

“I didn’t really say anything. He told me why he asked, and said he loved me and if I didn’t want to, we wouldn’t come out, and we wouldn’t talk about it anymore. But he wants it. He really wants it, and I – ” He stopped.

“What, Minnie?” Jaejoong asked.

“I want it, too,” Changmin whispered. “But I’m scared, and I don’t know how we would do it, or what we would do afterwards, and it wouldn’t just affect us, it would affect all of you guys as well.” He stopped talking and heaved a deep breath. Jaejoong looked him in the eye and smiled softly.

“There’s something you’re not saying, Minnie,” he whispered. Changmin nodded. “What is it?”

“What if I say I’m not comfortable coming out, and we keep going as we are, and he’s unhappy, and he leaves?” Jaejoong smiled sadly.

“Minnie, if he’s willing to risk his career and come out as gay for you, I really don’t think you need to worry about him leaving.” Changmin gasped and more tears streamed down his face as Jaejoong’s comment registered. “Minnie?” Jaejoong asked, concerned. Yunho, who had been watching silently, leaned forward at jaejoong’s tone. He slid over and put his hands on Changmin’s shoulders, trying to offer whatever comfort and support he could. Changmin was curled up on the couch at this point, sobbing, and both Jaejoong and Yunho were becoming increasingly alarmed. When his tears finally slowed and his sobs turned from great heaving cries to hiccups, he sat up and breathed.

“He – he always knows what I need, how I feel. He knew after the party, that I needed to cry and hold him. He knew that I needed to see you three, but that I would need support in order to do that. Somehow, he always knows how to help me.” Jaejoong and Yunho looked at each other questioningly, not sure how this was connected to the question of coming out, but they stayed quiet and let Changmin talk. “He knows that I’m scared he’ll leave,” the younger man whispered. “He knows that I never got over you three leaving.” Jaejoong winced and held Changmin tighter at that. Changmin pressed closer to him in response even as he spoke, trying to convey understanding. “This is his way of saying he won’t leave.” Jaejoong smiled in understanding.

The three of them sat in silence, Changmin turning that revelation over in his head and Yunho and Jaejoong holding him close. None of them entirely knew what to do. Coming out as in a relationship was an ordeal for an idol, but coming out as gay would be even more difficult. Not only would there potentially be normal backlash from fans, there would be immense backlash from the company, and society at large.

“Minnie?” Jaejoong asked at last. Changmin nodded to show he was listening. “I know this is scary, but in the end it’s up to the two of you. It will affect other people, but it’s still your decision.” Changmin sat up and wiped at his face.

“But what about the rest of Super Junior? And what about Yunho? I can’t ignore the fact that coming out won’t just cause backlash for the two of us, it will affect them, too.” Yunho sat forward.

“Changmin, I can’t speak for Super Junior, though I imagine they would feel the same as I do, but I will support you 100% if you decide to come out. Yes, it will be difficult, and it could affect our careers, but your happiness, and Kyuhyun’s happiness, is more important,” he said. Changmin stared at him and nodded. He sighed and leaned his head on Jaejoong’s shoulder. The older man smiled down at him.

“Are you feeling better?” he asked. Changmin nodded and smiled up at him.

“Thank you for coming,” he said. Jaejoong shook his head.

“Anytime you need me, you know that. It hasn’t changed,” he said. Changmin smiled, his eyes bright again. He wrapped his arms around Jaejoong’s tiny waist and held tight.

“So,” he said. “Are you two together again?” Yunho and Jaejoong froze and stared at each other. Changmin looked between the two of them. Yunho cleared his throat.

“Well,” Yunho started, “we’re dating. We decided to take it slow.” He looked uncomfortable, and reached up to rub the back of his neck. Changmin raised his eyebrows. Jaejoong coughed. “Are you ok with that, Min?” Yunho asked.

“It’s not really my business, Yunho,” Changmin said. “Though, that being said, hurry up. The tension is annoying, and you’re both happier when you’re together, anyway.” Both older men stared at Changmin, gaping. “What?” he asked defensively. “It’s true. And Yoochun and Junsu agree, I’m sure.” Jaejoong snorted at that.

“Well, Yoochun does, maybe. Junsu might be a little more apprehensive,” he said. “Of course, they might be too wrapped up in each other to care.” Changmin and Yunho stared at him.

“What?!” Changmin exclaimed. “What do you mean, wrapped up in each other?”

“Just what I say. Literally,” Jaejoong said with a grin. Changmin launched himself off of the couch and across the room.

“No. No, no, no, no, I don’t want to hear about it, stop now,” he said in one breath as he strode into the kitchen. As Jaejoong and Yunho dissolved into laughter he yelled back over his shoulder, “Come cook for me, Jaejoong!” Jaejoong grinned and stood up to follow Changmin into the kitchen.

 

The next few weeks were relaxed. Yunho and Jaejoong went on several more dates, and with each one they both fell more in love with each other. Changmin and Kyuhyun hadn’t talked about coming out again, though it was on both of their minds constantly. Kyuhyun found himself looking at each of his members closely, wondering what their responses would be if he and Changmin decided to come out. Every performance, in the back of his mind he wondered what the fans would say – would they be happy that one fan couple turned out to actually be true? Or would they be disgusted that their beloved idols were gay?

As the weeks passed, Changmin grew more and more sure that he wanted to come out. Regardless of the consequences, he wanted to be able to hold and kiss Kyuhyun in public and not worry about disclosing their secret. He wanted to tell the world how much he loved the other man.

The next time they were together, he brought it up.

“Kyu?” Kyuhyun hummed in response from where he was putting on pyjamas. “Can we talk about what you asked me a couple of weeks ago?” Kyuhyun stiffened and turned around.

“You mean coming out?” he asked. Changmin nodded. The shorter man walked over to the bed and climbed. He curled up in Changmin’s open arms and nodded. “What about it?” he asked cautiously.

“I – I want to do it,” Changmin said. Kyuhyun bolted upright, narrowly avoiding cracking his head on Changmin’s chin.

“What?” he asked. “You mean it? You want to come out?” His eyes were wide as he stared at Changmin, who chuckled a little as he nodded. Kyuhyun let out a squeal of joy and launched himself at Changmin. His momentum pushed them both down onto the bed. Changmin laughed as Kyuhyun kissed him and held the other man tightly as he kissed back. They would need to discuss this at length, and decide when to make the announcement, how to do it, through what medium. But that could come later. For now they would revel in the knowledge that they were going to come out, that they wouldn’t be a secret anymore.

Changmin pushed Kyuhyun over onto his back and followed him. He pushed down the pyjama bottoms the other man had just put on as Kyuhyun pushed his own t-shirt up. They parted in order to take it off, and then Changmin brought his lips down to Kyuhyun’s neck. He kissed down to the pale shoulders, and along the pronounced collarbones, and down Kyuhyun’s pale chest. He felt Kyuhyun’s fingers twist into his hair and pull, and he followed them back up so that Kyuhyun could kiss him again. The smaller man pushed insistently at Changmin’s pants and pulled them down his legs. Changmin kicked them off and onto the floor and then pressed the whole length of his body against Kyuhyun’s. Kyuhyun groaned and held him tight. He didn’t let go until well into the night, when they both fell asleep.

 

It was their thirteenth date. He had counted. Jaejoong was slightly amazed that they had managed to have so many with both of their schedules, but he didn’t dwell on it. They had talked about their relationship, and how it would work, deciding that they would keep it very secret for now. So far they had only told Changmin, and were planning to tell Yoochun and Junsu. Though, to be honest, Jaejoong was fairly certain they both knew already. He had been very happy recently, and both of his bandmates had commented on it separately. Yunho had told him his side of the story, how he had felt hearing from a third party that the three of them were leaving, and how sorry he was that their relationship had ended the way it did. He told him how, in the heat of the moment, it had felt as if he wasn’t enough for Jaejoong. He told him how broken he had felt afterward, and how hard it had been to stand on stage with only Changmin.

Jaejoong had been heartbroken, and that conversation had been filled with constant apologies and promises that he had never meant for any of what had happened to happen. Finally Yunho had leaned over and kissed him, for the first time since Heechul’s party, and smiled softly. He had told him that he understood, and that it was past now, and Jaejoong shouldn’t dwell on it. Jaejoong had been stock still for a moment, before grinning and leaning over to kiss Yunho again.

Tonight, Yunho was coming to dinner at Jaejoong’s apartment. He had been cooking all afternoon, and now was sitting at the table anxiously fiddling with his phone as he waited for the other man to arrive. This would be the first time they were meeting in one of their homes, not including the time Jaejoong had gone to help Changmin. He was nervous about dinner, and nervous about what would happen after. He had finished cooking and had nothing left to occupy his thoughts, so he was focused on the date and everything that could go wrong. When the doorbell finally rang, Jaejoong jumped and froze for a moment before rushing to open the door.

Yunho smiled brightly as the door swung open and held out a bottle of wine. The moment Jaejoong saw him, his nerves drained away and he stepped back to let him in. “Hi,” he said. “Dinner’s ready, so we can eat right away.” Yunho grinned.

“Sounds good,” he said. Jaejoong led him to the dining room and poured some wine for each of them. They sat down and Yunho immediately began filling both of their plates. “It looks great, Jae,” he said. Jaejoong smiled and thanked him.

“So how are you?” Jaejoong asked once they had both taken a few bites.

“Good. We just released a single.” Jaejoong nodded.

“I heard it, it’s really good,” he said.

“Thanks,” Yunho said, grinning. “How are you?”

“Good. Junsu’s album will be released soon. He dyed his hair blue for it.” Yunho snickered.

“How does that look?” he asked. Jaejoong laughed and pulled out his phone. He flipped through his pictures and held it out. Yunho took it and grinned. “He looks good,” he said. Jaejoong nodded.

“He does. I think Yoochun misses the pink, though.” Yunho laughed.

They finished dinner, and Jaejoong relished in the happy, flowing conversation. He had missed talking to Yunho like this, and now that he was able to again, he wasn’t letting it go. When they had finished eating they cleared the table and then Yunho pulled Jaejoong to the living room and onto the couch. Jaejoong yelped as he fell and glared at Yunho when the other man pulled him closer. “What?” Yunho asked, eyes wide. Jaejoong huffed, but couldn’t keep the smile off his face.

“Do you want to do something?” Jaejoong asked. ‘We could watch a movie if you want.” Yunho shook his head.

“Can we just sit?” he asked. “I just want to hold you.” Jaejoong stilled and smiled. He turned into Yunho’s chest and wrapped his arms around his neck.

“Ok,” he said quietly. They sat together, wrapped up in each other, and Jaejoong couldn’t remember the last time he had been so comfortable. He had tried dating once or twice after they broke up, but no one had ever made him feel as warm as Yunho had. He pressed himself as close to Yunho’s chest as he could, and smiled when he felt the arms around him tighten. “Yunho?” he whispered.

“Hm?” Jaejoong kissed Yunho’s neck and whispered into his skin.

“Can we be us again?” he asked. Yunho shifted so he could look down at the other man, confused.

“What do you mean, Jae? I thought we were us,” he said. Jaejoong shook his head.

“I mean, can we be like we were? At least a little? Can you call me baby and Joongie and kiss me for no reason again? Can I text you in the middle of the night worrying because I don’t know what to do about something silly that I shouldn’t be worried about in the first place?” Yunho was smiling now, but he stayed quiet to listen to Jaejoong’s whispered rambling. “Can we tease Changmin, Junsu, and Yoochun by being disgustingly cute and in love in front of them?” He paused for a moment, and then took a shuddering breath and continued in a voice so quiet Yunho had to strain to hear him. “Can I say I love you?”

Yunho’s breath rushed out of him at those words, and he instinctively pulled Jaejoong closer, held him tighter. The smaller man tightened his arms around Yunho’s neck as well, and he pressed his face as close to the skin of Yunho’s shoulder as he could. “Of course you can, Joongie,” Yunho whispered. A quiet, single sob escaped Jaejoong’s lips and he smiled into Yunho’s shoulder.

“I love you, Yunho,” he whispered. “I love you, I love you so much.” Yunho smiled and buried his nose in Jaejoong’s hair.

“I love you, too, baby,” he whispered. “I never really stopped.” Jaejoong pulled his head from Yunho’s neck and pushed on the other man’s shoulders to bring himself up on a level with Yunho’s face. He smiled sweetly, and then leaned forward and kissed him. Yunho held him close and kissed him back, and the rest of the evening dissolved into kisses and caresses on the couch. They stayed there, and by mutual, unspoken agreement didn’t go further than that.

When Yunho finally pulled himself away and gasped that he needed to go, he had an early schedule, Jaejoong pouted and sighed. They slowly stood and walked to the door. Yunho pulled on his jacket and turned to the other man – _his boyfriend_ , and it felt _so good_ to say that – and laughed at his expression. He pulled the singer close and kissed him softly, smiling when he felt arms slip around his neck and a tongue against his lips. They stood in the entryway for another few moments, before, finally, Yunho pulled away. He leaned his forehead on Jaejoong’s to catch his breath. “I really do have to go now, Jae,” he whispered. Jaejoong huffed.

“I hate your self-control,” he said. Yunho laughed and stood up straight. He grinned wickedly.

“Do you really?” he asked. “I seem to recall several times when you rather enjoyed it.” Jaejoong squawked indignantly and slapped his chest. Yunho laughed and danced backwards. He leaned forward and kissed Jaejoong’s forehead quickly before opening the door. “Good night, Jae,” he said. Jaejoong smiled at him and walked to the door quickly.

“Good night, Yunho. I love you,” he said quietly. Yunho smiled and reached up to push Jaejoong’s hair away from his face.

“I love you, too, baby,” he whispered. And then he backed down the hallway to the elevator, waved, and was gone.

Jaejoong shut his front door and leaned against it, a broad, silly smile on his face. It stayed there all through doing the dishes, and into the next morning, when Yoochun teased him with a smirk on his face, and Junsu interrogated him while wringing his hands together and looking like a worried mother.

 

Changmin and Kyuhyun lay in the dark, in each other’s arms. They were quiet, and serious. They had just sent their announcement to the news station they had chosen. It was real now.

“Minnie?” Kyuhyun whispered. Changmin squeezed him once. “Promise me you’ll stay by my side, no matter what happens?” Changmin kissed the top of Kyuhyun’s head.

“I promise, Kyu,” he murmured back. “Promise you’ll stay with me, no matter what happens?” Kyuhyun tilted his head to kiss under Changmin’s jaw.

“I promise. I love you,” he said.

“I love you, too, baby,” Changmin said. He pulled Kyuhyun’s chin up and kissed him. They had tonight before all hell broke loose, and he was going to make it one of the best nights of their lives.


	13. Runaway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by a friend of mine. 
> 
> Title is a SHINee song.

Taemin groaned and rolled over. Minho hummed in response and pulled the half naked younger boy closer to his chest. Giggling resonated throughout the house, Jonghyun and Key were back to normal probably trying to tickle each other on the living room sofa. Minho smiled and ran his hand down Taemin’s bare back, “Good morning love” he spoke softly. Taemin moaned softly and nuzzled closer, “G’morning” he mumbled. 

 

Minho chuckled and unhooked himself from the younger stretching his arms up overheard. “We should probably get up Taeminnie” Minho ran his fingers through Taemin’s now blonde hair. “I love your hair this color.” Taemin laughed, “You love my hair any color.” Minho rolled his eyes and peeled himself off the bed throwing on a T-shirt and walking towards the door. Before he could reach the doorknob a warm body folded around his back, arms snaked around his stomach. “Min don’t leave without me!” Taemin yelped. “Then come with me cutie” Minho whispered and squeezed the other’s hand. 

 

Taemin stepped back and threw on a shirt of his own before intertwining his fingers with Minho’s. They exited the room together and wandered out into the living room. As they had predicted Jonghyun was pinning Key to the corner of the sofa aggressively trying to tickle him while Key thrashed and laughed. Minho smiled and pulled Taemin to sit on his lap on the opposite side of the sofa. 

 

“What should we do today?” Jonghyun suddenly spoke up. “I dunno” Key spoke between pants and giggles. Taemin leaned against Minho’s shoulder and closed his eyes, “I could just do this all day.” Jonghyun and Key snickered and moved so Jonghyun had his arm wrapped tightly around Key’s waist, holding him close, no longer trying to tickle him but running his hand up and down his thigh affectionately. Minho nuzzled at Taemin’s neck signaling he wanted a kiss. At the same time as their lips met Jonghyun and Key’s did also. 

 

“God damnit!” A plate shattered on the hard wood floor as Onew walked into the living room and noticed both couples lost in their own respective worlds, “Why me?! Why is it always me?! You four need to get a room.” Key looked up and rose his eyebrow, “We had one until you walked in.” Onew scoffed and moved to sit between the two cuddling pairs. Key laughed, he knew Onew would regret his seating choice, especially if they all decided to watch a movie together on their day off, he had the feeling neither of the couples had any intention of keeping their hands to themselves. 

 

Onew picked up the remote and clicked on the television. It sparked to life and images of two very familiar faces flashed across the screen. Onew gasped, Key and Jonghyun went still, Taemin clung to Minho. 

 

________

 

Kyuhyun plastered himself to Changmin’s side as they held each other close. They were tensely sitting on the edge of Kyuhyun’s bed, their eyes set to the television. Changmin held his boyfriend’s hand tightly and used his free one to trace comforting circles along Kyuhyun’s bare upper arm. “Don’t worry Min” Kyuhyun breathed steadily, “It is all going to be alright. We did this for a reason.” Changmin sighed, “I know love I just didn’t realize I would be this nervous.” Kyuhyun chuckled, “Its a big deal baby, of course you’re nervous. I am too.” He pushed closer and placed a soft kiss against Changmin’s shoulder. 

 

“Well…” Changmin spoke, “I guess this is it.” 

 

________

 

_Breaking News:_

 

_Two of SM Entertainment’s most successful artists made an announcement today. Cho Kyuhyun of Super Junior and Shim Changmin of TVXQ have officially come out and revealed that they are in a relationship._

 

__________

 

Taemin squeaked and shot up from Minho’s lap running towards the television. He crouched in front of it as if everything it was saying couldn’t possibly be real. Key turned to Jonghyun and motioned to get up and make their way towards their bedroom. Onew remained frozen to his seat as Minho collected Taemin and also took him from the living room. 

 

“Well shit…” Onew spoke to himself and then suddenly realizing he was all alone rolled his eyes and laid down to claim the sofa as his own. 

 

________

 

Key wrapped his arms around Jonghyun’s neck and sighed, the shorter of the two pulled him close. “What do you think?” Key asked. “I don’t know” Jonghyun responded, “I don’t really know what to think.” Key nodded and kissed his boyfriend’s collarbone, “You know I support them no matter what” Jonghyun sighed, “I’m worried for them Key. What if people don’t accept them? What if something bad happens?” Key grabbed the worrywart by the wrist and pulled him towards the bed, setting him down and climbing on top of him, straddling his lap. 

 

“Jong” Key spoke softly and ran his fingers gently through his dinosaur’s hair. “Everything is going to be okay darling, I promise” He pecked the boy below him softly on the lips. Jonghyun chewed on his bottom lip and ground his fingers into Key’s sides. “Take a deep breath, I really promise, you can trust me, remember?” Jonghyun smiled. “I know Kibummie, I know.”

 

________

 

 

Taemin slumped against the pillows and groaned. “Tae…” Minho sat down causing the bed to dip and Taemin to flip over, rolling towards him. “What are they thinking?” Taemin whispered, staring at the ceiling. “What do you mean?” Minho crawled closer and danced his fingers down Taemin’s chest. “They are going to get hurt Min. People are really mean.” Minho sighed. “Taemin, they are going to be fine. I don’t know what their intentions are but I can see where they are coming from. Aren’t you sick of hiding? I know we haven’t really been…” he paused, “together, very long but I already don’t like to have to keep my hands off of you in public. I want the world to know how much I love you.” Minho leaned over and kissed Taemin briefly on the cheek. 

 

The younger sat up and looked Minho in the eye, “Are you saying you want to come out too? Like them?” Minho awkwardly scratched the back of his head, “I don’t know…this is all new to me Taemin but I’m saying I can understand.” Taemin growled, got up, and paced back and forth across the room, “well…I don’t understand Minho. I don’t want them to get hurt.” Minho sunk back, “I know Tae, I know.” 

 

________

 

Changmin sat at his desk and scrolled through comments on TVXQ’s fan-club forum. It had been a couple weeks since the official announcement. He didn’t usually read comments but recently he needed constant reassurance to know that his fans supported him and Kyuhyun. Most did, many didn’t though and that worried both him and his life partner. 

 

Kyuhyun came up behind him and placed his chin on his boyfriend’s shoulder. “You okay babe?”Changmin grunted and shut his laptop, swiveling around in his chair to face the younger. “Yeah…I’m okay.” Kyuhyun nodded. Things had been tense lately. It wasn’t easy to continue life as usual when the moment you left the house not only did you have masses of fangirls at the front door but news stations and hatefully thrown slurs as well. 

 

Kyuhyun had circles under his eyes. Changmin knew he had been having a hard time sleeping lately. The days weren’t as care free as before. They had gone through their angry managers fairly easily as they were both successful artists that SM didn’t want to loose so they gritted their teeth. They had refused to show up on any variety shows recently, worried about what might happen if they went anywhere together in public. But Kyuhyun was getting fed up with it, who cared what other people thought? He was sick of being put in a box. Sick of being told he was going to hell, and frankly he didn’t even care, if Changmin was going to be there with him it would be his own personal heaven no matter how hot it was. 

 

“Minnie?” Kyuhyun sat down on the others lap. Changmin nodded. “I want to go somewhere, do something, I don’t give a fuck anymore what they say.” Changmin tensed. “Kyu…I…” he was quiet. He never once thought that this whole ordeal was a bad idea, he regretted nothing, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t scared. They had support, just not very much. “What if” the younger continued, “what if we asked Jong and Key to go with us? We could all go out as friends, we could invite Tae and Minho too.” Changmin thought for a moment. “Um…” He was still unsure. He wanted more than anything to show Kyuhyun off to the world but he also knew that the SHINee boys were not ready to come out and he didn’t want to put them in jeopardy. However, they could just go out as a group, Jonghyun and Key might not be that subtle but Minho and Taemin would help to subside suspicion as least a little bit, their relationship was still too new. 

 

Changmin took a deep breath, “Okay.” Kyuhyun smiled and pulled him close. “I’m really sorry things have been so hard” he pressed his nose against the other’s, “You know I love you no matter what right?” Changmin smiled for the first time in days, “I know Kyu, I know.” 

 

________

 

Changmin shifted in his shoes. Kyuhyun rubbed the back of his hand lovingly. They were waiting on a nearby street corner for the SHINee boys to arrive. They felt slightly guilty about inviting all of them but Onew but said the last thing he wanted was to spend a night out with three couples. Kyuhyun had laughed. 

 

Jonghyun and Key walked hand in hand towards the street corner. Key looked up at the clear sky and giggled. Jonghyun smiled at him. They hadn’t gotten the chance to do something like this for a while, he was excited to get some time to hang out with Changmin and Kyuhyun. Taemin and Minho were tense. The two elder boys had been worrying about them for days, they assumed they must have disagreed upon something, they were new to all of this after all. Key sent them a soft encouraging smile, Taemin scoffed, Minho shrugged. 

 

Once they had all gathered they made their way towards the restaurant they always frequented, knowing they wouldn’t be bothered too much by fans there. They sat in a cozy booth in the corner and ordered drinks. 

 

“So” Key started, “We haven’t gotten the chance to really speak since everything happened a few weeks ago, how are you two doing?” Kyuhyun smiled and leaned his head against Changmin’s shoulder, “We’re alright. It’s been a little rough, to say the least. I don’t particularly appreciate being told I’m disgusting because of my life choices but you know, I guess it could be worse.” 

 

Key nodded and sat back to lean against his own partner who immediately wrapped his arm around his shoulders. “What about you guys?” Changmin spoke. “We’re good.” Jonghyun smiled down at Key as he responded. “Really good, actually.” Kyuhyun smiled and reached across the table to squeeze Key’s arm, “I’m so glad you guys made up. I don’t know what any of us would do if you two broke up.” Key rolled his eyes, “Jong couldn’t stay away from me even if he tried.” The comment rewarded him with a sharp poke to the ribcage, he yelped, Jonghyun laughed, and the older couple laughed along with them. 

 

Minho hadn’t said a single thing since they had come inside. Taemin was frozen into the corner, his face an unhealthy shade of green. The laughing died down and the other four turned to look at them, “Is everything alright?” Kyuhyun’s voice was soft and reassuring, Taemin glanced over to catch his eye. The younger didn’t actually know who knew about him and Minho, he knew that Jonghyun and Key knew, and he assumed that meant Yunho knew, but beyond that he wasn’t sure. He took a shaky breath, “Fine” he whispered. Minho ran his fingers through his hair. 

 

Kyuhyun nodded, unsure, and moved his gaze back over to Jonghyun and Key. The elder was whispering something quiet in his boyfriend’s ear, Key’s eyes went wide but then he nodded shallowly. 

 

Jonghyun turned back to the group with a wide grin, “Key and I have an idea.” Key smacked him underneath the table, “Okay, _I_ have an idea.” Jonghyun repeated. Changmin raised his eyebrow, “and that would be?” Jonghyun cleared his throat, “so we all have seen the backlash you two have received and we have spent weeks wishing we could do something to help, I think we now know what that could be.” Changmin continued to look at Jonghyun questionably, however, now he had all sets of eyes on him, “Key and I are going to come out too, publicly.” 

 

Changmin tensed, Kyuhyun’s mouth drew open, Minho spoke up for the first time tonight, “That’s a great idea! The company can’t ignore it if multiple couples come out. There is power in numbers.” Jonghyun nodded. 

 

Taemin had turned his burring eyes to Minho. He looked like he had seen a ghost. Minho smiled at him softly. Taemin shook his head. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He didn’t want any more pain, no more suffering, he didn’t want to hide who he was just as much as the others but he wasn’t even sure he knew who he was, let alone was he ready to share it with the world and Minho sure seemed keen on the idea. He stood up abruptly and left the restaurant without another word, leaving his band members and friends staring after him.

 

________

 

“Its alright Minho” Jonghyun hugged the taller, “He will come around.” Minho nodded. He wasn’t entirely sure what he had done to upset Taemin but he knew that it had to do with his endorsement of Jonghyun and Key’s plan to join the madness. He sighed. He wanted to join the fight too but Taemin wasn’t ready. Even if the younger had initially made the first move Minho knew better than to assume Taemin completely understood and accepted who he was. 

 

The tallest band member nodded goodnight to the others and disappeared back into his room to comfort the love of his life, to make him forget that any of this ever happened, to let him know that no matter what he would always be there, and that he wouldn’t do or say anything until Taemin was ready. 

 

Key dragged Jonghyun down the hallway. “You really think this is a good idea?” He asked as he entered their bathroom and ran a tub. Jonghyun nodded, “I really do. I know both of us have been wanting to help and Minho was right, they can’t ignore it if we all start to own up.” Key smiled and tilted his head, “You amaze me Jong. Every day. I hope you know that.” Jonghyun chuckled as he pulled his shirt up over his shoulders and proceeded to aid Key in doing the same. 

 

They sunk into the tub and felt their muscles relax. Key pulled Jonghyun close to share in a deep kiss before they scrubbed off the dirt of the day and crawled into bed. 

 

That night they all dreamt of a world where they could hold the hand of the ones they loved without any judgement, without any second glances. They dreamt what it would be like if they were able to bring together everyone who loved themselves as much as they loved their music. 

 


	14. Love Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! We're so so sorry for the long wait. Here are the next couple of chapters!
> 
> The title is a TVXQ song.

Changmin was leaning in the doorway of Kyuhyun’s room, watching as his boyfriend gathered his phone, wallet and keys. It was one of the rare times when the dorm was empty enough to avoid seeing anyone but the person he was there to see, and he was grateful for it. This was the first time he had been in the Super Junior dorm since the news about their relationship broke, and although he knew that the members of Super Junior supported them, Changmin wasn’t quite ready to see them. He wanted more time to settle into the reality of his and Kyuhyun’s decision before fielding any more questions and consolations and declarations of support or disapproval, depending on the person. There hadn’t been many of the latter kind so far, aside from his manager and various company executives. Most of their close friends had been supportive. But still, he wanted time.

This request fell on deaf ears when it came to Jaejoong. Since their reunion and subsequent meetings, the older singer had been madly trying to catch up on six years with both him and Yunho (although with Yunho, Changmin suspected there was a slightly different approach). Yoochun and Junsu had followed along with the eldest’s efforts with less vigour, but just as much hope and tentative enthusiasm. So when the news of Kyuhyun and Changmin’s relationship broke, Jaejoong immediately demanded that they all have dinner together at his place, so that he could make sure they were both alright, and hear all the details. Changmin tried his hardest to beg out of it, but Jaejoong was adamant. So Changmin found himself at the Super Junior dorm picking up his boyfriend to go to dinner. He grimaced.

“Oh, honestly, Min, it’s not that bad,” Kyuhyun said, catching the expression before Changmin could mask it. He walked up to the taller man, swinging his coat on as he did. Changmin scoffed.

“Do you remember Jaejoong?” he asked sardonically, raising an eyebrow. “Weirdly beautiful, amazing singer, absolutely insane?” Kyuhyun pushed Changmin’s shoulder and glared.

“Yes, I remember Jaejoong, very well – including how intensely he loves you. When he found out we were dating, he basically interrogated me. The only reason he didn’t have a desk lamp pointed in my face was that Yoochun had taken them all away.” Kyuhyun wound his arms around Changmin’s waist and looked up at him. “He may question us, but he knows how far he’s allowed to go.” Changmin grimaced again. Kyuhyun sighed and stepped back. “Anyway, you know it’ll only be worse if we don’t go and he’s left to stew and come to his own conclusions,” he pointed out. Changmin nodded and kissed Kyuhyun’s forehead.

“I know, Kyu,” he said quietly. He smiled and took his boyfriend’s hand. “Come on, we’d better get going.” Kyuhyun grinned and followed him out of the dorm.

 

When they arrived at Jaejoong’s apartment, Yoochun opened the door. He grinned broadly when he saw them and stepped back to let them in. “How are you two doing?” he asked. Kyuhyun smiled at him as he took off his shoes.

“We’re ok,” he said. “How are you all?” Yoochun smiled back and began walking into the living room with them.

“We’re good,” he said. “Jaejoong is a nervous wreck over all this. Not because he disapproves or anything,” he rushed to add at the nervous looks on Changmin and Kyuhyun’s faces. “He’s just worried about you two, and how this will affect you. He’s actually really proud of you beneath all of that.” Changmin couldn’t help the small smile that pulled out of him.

Just then, Jaejoong leaned out of the kitchen, and a wide smile split his face when he saw them. “Minnie!” he exclaimed. He came over and forcefully pulled the taller singer into a hug. Changmin groaned as he hugged him back. The older singer swatted his shoulder and ignored him. “Kyuhyun!” He let go of Changmin and reached out to hug the other man, as well. Kyuhyun smiled.

“Hi, Jaejoong,” he said. Jaejoong pulled them both into the living room and pushed them onto a couch. Junsu looked up from a chair across the room and grinned.

“Hey, lovebirds!” he sang. Changmin glared at the other man, who smiled back beatifically. Changmin smirked. Junsu’s smile faltered – that smile meant nothing good, except perhaps for Yoochun’s entertainment.

“Hi, Junsu,” Changmin said casually as he leaned back into the couch and crossed his legs. “How have you been since I saw you last?” Junsu narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

“Fine. You?” he asked. Changmin grinned widely. Yunho and Jaejoong walked into the room just then, and looked back and forth cautiously before sitting down. Kyuhyun sighed.

“Alright, all things considered,” Changmin said. “Of course, I could have done without the image of you and Yoochun, but what can you do.” He shrugged. Junsu gaped. The room was quiet for a moment, everyone waiting for the pin to drop. And then Junsu exploded. He rounded on Yoochun, livid.

“You told him?!” he exclaimed. “You bastard!” He leapt over the arm of the chair he was sitting in and charged. Yoochun backed up rapidly, his hands up in front of him to placate the irate singer.

“I swear I didn’t, Su!” he said frantically. Junsu growled.

“Really? Then who did?!” He paused, and then turned to Jaejoong, who shrank back behind Yunho.

“I’m sorry, Su, we were talking and it just slipped out! I didn’t mean to say anything!” His eyes were wide and dark, and Junsu huffed and flopped back into his chair.

“Dammit. It’s no fun yelling at Jae,” he said. Changmin snickered and smirked when Junsu looked up to glare at him again. Yunho, who had been quiet during the exchange, choosing to watch, stood and smiled around.

“Well, why don’t we eat?” he asked. Jaejoong stood and walked into the kitchen to bring food out. Changmin jumped up and strode to the table, Kyuhyun in tow. The group crowded around the table as Jaejoong began setting dishes out. Finally, he sat as well.

“Go ahead and eat, everyone!” he said happily. As everyone began taking food, he smiled around at the table. There was a long way to go, but he had his family back. He felt Yunho grip his hand under the table and smiled wider. He squeezed his boyfriend’s hand and began to eat.

 

The evening progressed with animated conversation and argument, and Yoochun and Changmin fell into their old routine of teasing Junsu mercilessly with ease. The first time they teamed up against him, they looked almost surprised, before smiling and launching an attack in earnest. Even Junsu, his face red and trying desperately to defend himself, couldn’t begrudge them their fun in the face of their slowly mending relationships.

Jaejoong watched, pleased, as his friends laughed and joked around him, all the while enjoying the food he had made. He stayed relatively quiet, preferring to watch the interactions going on around them. He kept a close eye on Changmin and Kyuhyun, watching their expressions and interactions for any sign of stress or sadness. They seemed more tired than normal, but other than that he was satisfied that they were happy and alright.

When Changmin had told him about Kyuhyun’s proposition, he had known that they would be coming out soon. He had worried and stressed over it for a couple of weeks, and when it happened he hadn’t been sure what to do. He wanted to talk to Changmin, make sure he was happy, but more than that he wanted to watch the two of them together, and with other people. So he demanded a dinner party with everyone. As he finished his dessert, he sat back, satisfied. The rest of the group were still talking loudly and relearning each others’ habits and quirks. He watched and smiled, happy.

Changmin got up to go to the bathroom. Jaejoong began clearing the table, and listened closely for the bathroom door. When he heard it open, he stepped into the hall and pulled Changmin into the kitchen. The other man looked at him inquisitively. “I wanted to talk to you, Minnie,” he said. Changmin stilled and then groaned softly.

“Jaejoong, I’m fine,” he said quietly. Jaejoong nodded and put his hands on the other man’s shoulders.

“I know you are, Min, but I want to make sure. And I wanted to remind you that I’m always here for you. If you ever need to talk, or just laze around for an afternoon.” Changmin nodded and shifted his weight uncomfortably. Jaejoong smiled. “You never did like this kind of thing,” he whispered. Changmin glanced up and grinned ruefully.

“No, I didn’t. Still don’t, really,” he replied. He moved to the stool on Jaejoong’s other side and sat down, and leaned his head on Jaejoong’s shoulder. “But your worrying was one of the things I missed after you left, so I don’t mind,” he whispered into the older man’s shirt. Jaejoong’s eyes widened, and he wrapped his arms around Changmin’s shoulders.

“Well, then, I’ll keep worrying,” he said. “I’m proud of you, you know.” Changmin looked up. “For a lot of things – you’re a great actor, and you’ve grown so much as an artist. Singing and dancing, _and_ composing. And now this.” He looked down at Changmin’s face. “You and Kyuhyun, you’re so brave, and you’ve done something amazing. Not just for yourselves, but for lots of other people, as well. And I’m so proud of you.” Changmin smiled shakily and wrapped his arms around Jaejoong’s waist and hugged him tight.

“I’m proud of you, too, Jae,” he whispered. “I’m proud of all three of you, really.” Jaejoong felt his eyes filling with tears and blinked rapidly to try and dispel them. “You did something colossal, and it helped a lot of other people, too. And you became so successful, even in the face of all of the obstacles in your way. I’m really proud of you.” Jaejoong smiled and squeezed the other man tighter.

They held each other for a moment, and then Jaejoong stepped back. He wiped his eyes quickly, and pointedly forgot not to notice Changmin doing the same thing. He smirked when Changmin tried to wriggle away from the fingers brushing away tears. “We’d better get back,” he said finally. Changmin nodded.

“Thanks, Jae,” he said before they walked back into the dining room. “For everything.” Jaejoong smiled and nodded and then slipped past him to rejoin the others.

 

Later that evening, when Changmin and Kyuhyun had said goodbye and gone back to the TVXQ dorm, and Yoochun had dragged Junsu away (not quite kicking and screaming, but certainly close), Yunho and Jaejoong sat at the table, relaxing in the quiet. Yunho watched Jaejoong, a smile on his face. He watched as the other man gazed happily around at his dining room. The remains of dessert were still on the table, and the last echoes of laughter and jibes hung in the air.

Finally, Yunho stood and gathered up the dishes. Jaejoong started and looked up and immediately moved to help. Yunho pushed him back into his chair. “You made the food, Jae, I’ll clear and do the dishes,” he said. Jaejoong nodded and sat down again. He couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he recalled the evening. It had gone better than he had ever hoped. There were moments of awkwardness and tension, but mostly they fell into their old relationships. Jaejoong had no illusions that this meant that everything was alright; there was still so much to work through, and it would take time and a lot of effort. But it was a start, and that was all he needed.

He stood and walked into the kitchen to sit at the counter and watch Yunho washing dishes. The other man glanced behind him and smiled. It was quiet, simple. There was no need to say anything for the moment. When Yunho finished, he dried his hands and came around to stand beside Jaejoong. He leaned on the counter next to him and reached up to stroke his finger over his cheek. The other man leaned into the touch and smiled up at him.

“Well done, Jae,” Yunho said quietly. Jaejoong raised an eyebrow. “You brought us back together,” he elaborated. Jaejoong opened his mouth to protest and Yunho quickly continued. “We all wanted it – we had to or it wouldn’t have happened – but you made it happen. You kept Junsu and Yoochun in a room with Min and I, and you being there helped them talk to him. And you dragged us all here. You wanted a nice dinner, and you got it, and it was all because of you.” Jaejoong was flustered by now. He laughed shakily and shook his head.

“It wasn’t much,” he whispered. Yunho smiled and wrapped his arms around the other man.

“It was everything, Jae,” he said. Jaejoong scoffed and shoved Yunho’s chest gently. He looked up and smiled widely and then leaned up and kissed Yunho. They stayed there in the kitchen, wrapped in each other’s arms, for several minutes. When Yunho finally stepped back, his eyes were dark and his cheeks were flushed. Jaejoong stood up and wrapped his arms around his lover’s neck.

“Stay the night?” he breathed. Yunho’s eyes widened and Jaejoong could see him searching his own face, making sure the offer was sincere. Jaejoong stared up into his face, his eyes wide and clear, his face honest, and finally Yunho nodded. Jaejoong grinned and pulled back. He took Yunho’s hand and began leading him through the apartment. He turned off lights and checked the locks on windows as he went. He pulled Yunho through the door of his bedroom and turned to lean on the other man’s chest and kiss him again.

Yunho wrapped his arms around him and held him close. When they kissed, it was electric, both of them knowing exactly what was about to happen. Jaejoong clung to Yunho, his arms tight around his neck, and his body moulded to Yunho’s. He felt arms wind around his waist and pull him close, felt his heels leave the ground as Yunho held him. He felt Yunho’s tongue push into his mouth and trace over every part of it that he could. He felt heat coil low in his stomach, felt Yunho hard against his hip.

Yunho held Jaejoong as close to himself as possible. He couldn’t quite believe that the other man was in his arms again, even after weeks of dates and smiles and kisses. It felt too good to be true. So he clung to Jaejoong just as tight as Jaejoong clung to him, as if they were both trying to anchor themselves to each other.

Slowly, Yunho began moving towards the bed. He nudged Jaejoong backwards, smiling into their kiss as the other man stumbled and tightened his hold on Yunho’s neck. _You always were a klutz_ , he thought fondly. When Jaejoong’s knees hit his bed Yunho pushed him down and stretched his own body over him. He stared down at his lover’s face, his breath catching in his throat. Jaejoong’s eyes were dark in the moonlight, a stark contrast to the pale skin of his cheeks. His lips were red and parted. He was panting quietly.

Jaejoong had a presence that could command a stadium of thousands. He could silence them and rouse them to screams and cheers in a heartbeat, and then charm them with a sunny smile and a sweet laugh. Yunho knew this. And he had been the sole target of Jaejoong’s gaze before, and knew what it was like. But the last time he had seen those eyes like this – in the dark, staring up at him – had been six years ago, and he had forgotten just what it was like.

Yunho stared for a moment longer and then lowered himself so that he was pressing completely against Jaejoong. The other man smiled and reached up to run his fingers through Yunho’s hair and pull him down to kiss him again. He parted his legs and wrapped them around Yunho’s waist, and then pushed and rolled over so that he was straddling the other man. He grinned down at him and inwardly preened when he heard Yunho gasp and saw his eyes darken. He leaned down and brushed his lips against the dancer’s jaw, and then dragged them down his neck to his shoulder. His hands went to his waist and he pushed the t-shirt Yunho was wearing up to his shoulders, and then tugged insistently to get the taller man to sit up and pull it off completely. He smiled and pushed him back down and then continued tracing a line from his shoulders down his chest. He pressed kisses over every inch of skin he could reach, relearning the tanned expanse. Yunho’s hands had come up to grip his hips tightly, and Jaejoong gasped when they slipped under his shirt to rub and press against his bare skin.

Finally, when Yunho was breathing hard and his grip on Jaejoong’s hips had gone so tight Jaejoong was sure he would have bruises in the morning, the singer sat up. He smiled down at the other man and licked his lips slowly. Yunho groaned. Jaejoong laughed and then pulled his own shirt off. He threw it to the side and then yelped when Yunho surged up beneath him, his arms coming around his back, and his lips coming down to Jaejoong’s chest. “Yunho, what – ” he began, before his words faded into a moan as he felt Yunho’s lips close around his nipple. A long-fingered hand dropped down to his stomach to touch his belly button, and Yunho groaned again. Jaejoong smiled through his gasps.

“When did you put them in again?” Yunho asked, referring to the piercings in Jaejoong’s nipple and belly button. The singer smiled.

“A couple of days ago,” he said quietly. Yunho grinned and pulled Jaejoong down to kiss him again. Then he pushed him over onto his back and un-buttoned the tight jeans he was wearing. He peeled them down Jaejoong’s legs and then threw them to the floor, his underwear following. Jaejoong stared up at the other man, drinking in his face and his neck and his shoulders and his collarbones. It had been a very long time since he had had a chance to look at Yunho, and he still couldn’t entirely believe he was able to now. The room was quiet for a long moment. The air was charged, waiting for a spark to tip both of them over the edge.

Yunho stared down at the slender singer, lying splayed on the bed before him. He traced over the tattoos that he could see, soft fingers following his eyes, and circled each piercing with a slender fingertip. Jaejoong stared up at him, seeing his Yunho, there with him in the dark room, and seeing every other side of him that he had fallen in love with before – the performer, the leader, the brother, the lover, the friend.

He dragged his eyes back up to Yunho’s, and pushed himself up off the mattress. He reached out slowly and began picking at the button on his jeans. Slowly, he pushed them over the dancer’s hips and off of his legs, and then pushed his underwear after them. Yunho kicked the clothes off the edge of the bed and almost fell forward, plastering the length of his body to Jaejoong’s and pressing his forehead into the other man’s shoulder. Jaejoong wrapped his arms around Yunho’s shoulders and his legs around his waist and held him close, breathing him in.

“I missed you so much,” Jaejoong whispered. He could feel tears pricking at his eyes and he squeezed them shut.

“I missed you, too,” Yunho whispered back. He slid one arm under Jaejoong’s back and pulled him as close as he could. “I missed you every day.” Jaejoong’s breath hitched and he reached out to his nightstand fumbling in the drawer blindly before pulling out a bottle of lube. Yunho pushed himself up minutely and the singer pushed the bottle into his hand.

“Make love to me, Yunho,” Jaejoong whispered. “Please, I need you.” Yunho smiled and poured lube onto his fingers before running his hand down Jaejoong’s side. He leaned as close as he could and pushed a finger into Jaejoong slowly. The singer drew in a long breath and forced his muscles to relax. Yunho smiled at him as he slid a second finger into him and scissored them apart.

“Ok?” he asked quietly. Jaejoong nodded.

“It’s just been a while,” he said breathlessly. Yunho laughed quietly and leaned down to kiss him, and then drag his lips over his jaw and down his neck. He pressed hot, wet kisses to the pale skin over his collar bones and pulled his arm out from under Jaejoong’s back. He reached up to his shoulder and grabbed one of the other man’s hands, and brought it up to his lips to press a kiss to the skin there, too. Jaejoong laughed and squeezed Yunho’s fingers. He opened his mouth to speak again, and then gasped as Yunho pushed a third finger into him. His mouth fell open and his breath came quicker, and then he cried out a moment later when Yunho’s fingers curled into him. “Yunho – Yunho, please – ” he gasped.

Yunho pulled his fingers away, poured more lube into his hand and slicked himself up. He stretched out over Jaejoong’s body, as close as he could, and pushed into him slowly. His breathing was ragged and he pressed his forehead to Jaejoong’s and slid an arm under his back again. Jaejoong breathed heavily through the stretch and wrapped his arms tightly around Yunho’s shoulders. His legs wound around the other man’s hips. Yunho moved slowly, watching the play of emotions and reactions over Jaejoong’s face.

The room was quiet except for the sound of panting breaths and rustling sheets, low moans and rough gasps. Yunho began to move faster, his arm tightening around Jaejoong’s waist. Jaejoong gripped Yunho’s shoulders, his nails biting into the skin, and leaned up to kiss him. Their lips moved sloppily against each other, and their breaths became heavier, more ragged. Finally, Jaejoong pulled away and threw his head back, a low cry falling from his lips. It was too much, and it had been too long, and Yunho surrounded him and filled him just the way he always had, pushing him closer and closer to the edge, and then toppling him over.

“Yun – Yunho!” he choked out as he came, his whole body tensing up and trembling. Yunho gasped and buried his face in Jaejoong’s shoulder, shuddering through his own climax. Jaejoong’s arms were tight around his shoulders.

They lay pressed together for a long moment, catching their breaths and clinging to each other. When Yunho finally pulled away, Jaejoong whined and let his hands rest heavily on the other man’s shoulders, trying to keep him where he was. Yunho laughed and kissed his forehead, his nose, and then his lips.

“I’ll be right back, Joongie,” he said quietly. Jaejoong scowled and let him go, his limbs falling limply to the bed. Yunho stood and went to the bathroom. He ran a washcloth under warm water and went back to the bedroom. Jaejoong smiled sleepily up at him. Yunho ran the cloth gently over his stomach and between his legs, and threw it in the laundry basket. He climbed back into bed and pulled Jaejoong into his chest. Jaejoong smiled happily and nuzzled into Yunho’s arms as he pulled the covers over them.

“I love you,” he whispered. Yunho smiled and kissed the top of his head.

“I love you, too, baby,” he said quietly. They went quiet – everything had been said, and now they just wanted to sleep in each other’s arms.

In the morning, they would wake up slowly, together, for the first time in years, and in that moment that was all they wanted.


	15. Why so Serious?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is a SHINee song. 
> 
> This chapter was written by my friend.

Jonghyun toyed with the mug in his left hand, chewing nervously at the cuticles on his right. Key was seated across from him, their feet intertwined underneath the table where no one else could see. 

 

They were sitting in a coffee shop. The coffee shop that they all frequented, nearly everyday, waiting. Taemin and Minho were at home, eyes probably glued to the television, or to each other. The announcement that Key and Jonghyun were officially in a relationship had gone public that morning and they had decided it only made sense to meet up with Changmin and Kyuhyun, not just for the support they both desperately craved but also because they could all feel that things were changing. 

 

A ring echoed throughout the shop and both the boy’s eyes whipped towards the direction of the sound, expecting to see the two people they were waiting for, however, it was someone else entirely. 

 

Jonghyun’s eyes widened as Key’s smile did. The older singer glanced around the cafe before setting his eyes to Key’s. A look of surprise passed across his eyes but he nodded and walked over. “Hello Key, Jonghyun.” Jaejoong smiled. “Hi! It’s great to see you. How are you doing?” Key was bubbly as always, Jonghyun remained silent, unsure of exactly what to say. He had heard rumors of course, suspected things, but nothing had been confirmed and Jonghyun still wasn’t sure how he felt about the sudden return of JYJ. Key on the other hand, had always been ecstatic. 

 

Zoning back into the conversation he noticed Jaejoong had pulled up a chair and was talking contently with his boyfriend. “So, Jong” Jaejoong turned to look at him, “I’m glad everything between you and Key worked out. You two are so great together.” Jonghyun nodded and leaned forward to rest his chin on his hand. 

 

“Is everything alright hun?” Key looked across the table quizzically at the love of his life and gave a reassuring rub of his foot against Jonghyun’s. “Uh…yeah. I’m fine…it’s just…” he turned to look at Jaejoong, “What are you doing here?” Jaejoong scratched the back of his head nervously and chuckled, Key kicked him hard. “Jonghyun! That was rude.” The elder winced. “It’s okay” Jaejoong said, “He has every right to be curious, although I could just be here for a cup of coffee you know. You don’t own the place.” Jonghyun scoffed. Jaejoong and Key snickered. 

 

“I was actually here to meet someone.” Jaejoong responded quietly. Key cocked an eyebrow just as the door let out another light ring and all three sets of eyes rolled to the entrance. Upon seeing who had entered Jaejoong sighed and stood up. Key gasped. Jonghyun’s eyes went wide. “Yunho” Jonghyun called out. The tvxq member glanced over to the motley crew at the table and winced slightly before putting on a soft smile and strolling over to join them. 

 

“Hey guys” he spoke up first. “How are you?” Key looked at him wide eyed, a grin peeled across his face. “We are great actually, you know, despite the whole being thrown into hell for eternity according to the general public, but hey looks like you two are on the same boat.” Jonghyun was the one that kicked Key this time, causing the younger to yelp and sink back into his chair. “Sorry…I didn’t mean…” Yunho laughed as he glanced sideways at the older singer standing beside him and carefully wrapped his arm around his waist. Jaejoong hummed and leaned into his side contently. “That’s alright. You’re right.” Jaejoong nodded, “We were trying to keep it a secret but it seems we are on the same path as you two and Changminnie.” 

 

 

________

 

“Hurry up Kyu!” Changmin yelled down the hallway as he slipped on his shoes. “We told them we would be there twenty minutes ago!” He heard a rush of footsteps as Kyuhyun sprinted down the hallway and crashed into him. “Sorry! Sorry Minnie, I didn’t mean to sleep in.” Changmin laughed and pulled the other closer, kissing him softly. “That’s alright, it’s probably my fault anyways, I tired you out.” Kyuhyun scowled and pushed away from his boyfriend. “You wish. You passed out just as hard as I did.” Changmin chuckled, laced his fingers through Kyuhyun’s, and pulled them out the door.

 

They walked causally down the street, it was March now, the sun danced through the remainder of the snowy clouds giving hints towards what was to come. Spring was Kyuhyun’s favorite season, he couldn’t wait to lay out in the sun and watch the flowers bloom. He smiled and leaned his head against Changmin’s shoulder. “You know” Changmin’s shoulder moved as he spoke, “I’ve been thinking…” Kyuhyun sighed, “That’s not usually a good sign.” Changmin abruptly threw Kyuhyun off his shoulder. “Shut up!” Kyuhyun giggled and leaned up to kiss his boyfriend on the cheek. Changmin rolled his eyes, “ANYWAYS” he said dramatically as they neared the coffee shop, “I have been thinking.” 

 

“About?” Kyuhyun asked innocently. Changmin bit his lip, “I was just thinking, what if…” he paused, “what if?” Kyuhyun urged him on, “Just say it already!” Changmin sighed, “alright, alright, what if you know, what if all of us who have come out and those of us who haven’t yet” Kyuhyun laughed, “what if we left?” The shorter male stopped walking abruptly, “what do you mean _left?”_ He asked. Changmin squeezed his hand, “I mean, what if we left SM. What if we went off on our own? Most of us are already established. We could do it.” Kyuhyun looked up at his partner quizzically, his eyes widened, “We’d get blacklisted all across Korea! We wouldn’t be able to perform, let alone produce music.” 

 

Changmin pulled Kyuhyun closer to him, “We won’t have to worry about that much longer. There is already a bill up for vote that would make that illegal Kyu, they are calling it the JYJ law…” Kyuhyun snickered. “Alright, alright, I’ll admit it makes sense, and times are changing. _But,_ you have to promise me, I repeat, PROMISE me, that you won’t do anything drastic without coming to me first, okay?” Changmin tensed for a moment, lost in the thought of what it had been like to have the people he cared about most leave him without any warning. He held Kyuhyun tighter, “Of course not Kyu, we are in this together.” 

 

________

 

Neither one of them noticed the door let out a quiet ding as the people they had been waiting for all along entered. Changmin and Kyuhyun scanned the seats until they both rested their gaze on the two familiar heads they were looking for and two very familiar ones they hadn’t been expecting. Changmin tensed for a moment but then relaxed and smiled. “Come on” he whispered to Kyuhyun and pulled him towards the table. 

 

“Hello Everyone” Changmin grinned. They all turned to look at him, Jonghyun smiled and motioned for them to take a seat. “How’s it going?” They all replied with nods and affirmative grunts. “Well…that’s good. Jae, it’s good to see you again.” Jaejoong smiled and took Changmin’s outstretched hand, giving his fingers a comforting squeeze, “You too Min.” 

 

Key smiled and turned to Kyuhyun who was now seated next to him, “So” Kyuhyun started, “How are you two doing? Alright?” Key nodded and glanced lovingly at the boy across from him. 

 

“We’re fine” Key stared, reaching his foot out to rest against Jonghyun’s lap under the table. The elder smiled back softly and squeezed his ankle in reassurance. Kyuhyun nodded and smiled at his own boyfriend, “That’s good to hear” Changmin responded. 

 

Yunho and Jaejoong looked at each other nervously. They hadn’t sat down since Yunho had entered and were doing their best to keep their hands mostly to themselves although the effort was becoming futile as memories of a couple days before flooded their minds. 

 

Yunho shifted slightly so more of his weight leaned into the smaller man beside him, squeezing the arm that was snaked around his slim waist. Jaejoong squealed quietly and glanced up to look at Yunho. The younger smirked as he noticed the attention, causing Jaejoong to squirm uncomfortably. 

 

The other four seemed to be lost in conversation so an unspoken agreement passed between the eldest couple as they slowly backed away from the occupied table and made their way towards the door. Little did they know that everyone at the table were on their way to understanding exactly what was going on between them. 

 

________

 

Heechul growled and paced around the empty living room. “Calm down Chul,”Leeteuk rolled his eyes. “Calm down?! What do you mean calm down? Do you have any idea what this means?!” 

 

Junsu scratched the back of his head and flushed, “Sorry” he whispered. Changmin and Kyuhyun sighed, the SHINee boys shrugged it off, Key chuckled lightly to himself. Everyone’s eyes were trained on the fuming feline that was currently prowling around the exterior of the meeting. “Just cut it out Heechul” 

 

_Replay the last five minutes: Junsu had been very quiet since the beginning of the get together. Everyone knew that this was stressful for all of them, the prospect of throwing everything to the wind just for a chance at being able to hold the hand of the one they loved in public was both exhilarating and terrifying. They all knew the consequences they might face but their adoration for each other and what they believed the world should be outweighed their fears. They were all a complex mixture of emotions that threatened to explode. Eunhyuk had noticed Junsu’s silence and had leaned over to inquire about it. Yoochun had raised his eyebrows at his band member and nudged him softly. “Su” he whispered, “Is everything alright?” By now everyone in the room had their eyes trained on the blue haired singer._

 

_Junsu flushed scarlet and grunted, nodding his head slowly. Heechul rolled his eyes, “We don’t have time for this, just spit it out.” Yoochun nudged him, “Heechul’s right, just tell us what’s wrong.” Junsu ran his eyes over the crowd. “Uh…well…I…I heard some things.” He scratched the back of his neck, “What kind of things?” Heechul was getting grumpy but he was equally as curious. “Well…you know…I…I went over to Yunho’s to talk to invite him to this meeting and the door was unlocked so I just went in and well…he wasn’t alone.” Yoochun’s eyes widened, “You don’t mean….” Junsu nodded, “Jaejoong was there.”_

 

Heechul scowled and came to a stop in front of Leeteuk, shoving out his palms to push the other backwards a step, “Just moments ago I learned that two of my best friends is in a relationship behind my back! I mean it’s not like I didn’t expect this but still they could have at least told me and Yunho…” Leeteuk reached his arms out and wrapped them around the other’s shoulders, pulling him closer, “You’re rambling Chul, take a deep breath, I’m sure Yunho was just trying to keep everything under wraps, it has nothing to do with you.” The other members of Super Junior in the room all rolled their eyes and turned their attention back to the matter at hand. No one really knew what was going on between their leader and their diva but they had their suspicions. At this point anything could happen. 

 

“So” Changmin cleared his throat, “Is everyone here alright with what we have discussed? It seems we all now know why Yunho and Jaejoong aren’t here.” 

 

“What about us?” Jaejoong entered the living room, Yunho in tow. All eyes were on them as they both smirked, fingers loosely intertwined. 

 

Let the games begin. 

 

 


End file.
